A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im a bit worried as to how this will get read so please help if you canok here goes, during the summer i got close to my best friend. we never had sex but kissed a few times. hes in a problematic situation with his girlfriend of 5 years so what happened wasnt planned but due to our own problems we got close. he confessed he had feelings for me but couldnt leave her as she had suicidal tendancies and goes out drinking with guys from work. . i since found out from someone at work that the girl hes with is very dominant and moody they dont sleep together and she cajoled him into buying the house hes in with her. also after what happened i became very emotionaland took the 'rejection' personal.anyway last night we were both at a christmas do and i plucked up the courage to ask him if he still had feelings for me and he said he couldnt answer that. i was mortified and went home in tears. he texted me today to check i got home ok and has sent me a gift for christmas im so confused how does he really feel ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 December 2012):
 Anyone who fools around with another whilst they are in a relationship is best avoided. Anyone who gets involved with someone already in a relationship is just setting themselves up for pain and misery.
Hang around, pine and wait for him if you wish but you will be wasting your life...he isn't going to leave her and he is using you for an ego boost and entertainment value.
Do yourself a favour, cut the cord, lock the door and move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie and oldbag.
he liked you as a friend
he does not want to hurt you
but
he has a long term live in gf and you have no idea what's really going on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 December 2012):
 You've written: "....hes in a problematic situation with his girlfriend of 5 years...".... in the passive tense... as if this "situation" happened and he had nothing to do with it.....
It's HIS "SITUATION".... and didn't just "happen" by the movement of the sun and the stars!!!
What you've described is a man who lets "others" have 'way too much influence upon what HE does... AND you've given him a "pass" for this (claiming that his G/F put things in motion and HE couldn't do anything about it)..
Decide, for yourself, if a guy who is that wishy-washy will be a great partner for you, over the long-term....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 December 2012):
 Hi
So from what you have *heard* from somebody, his girlfriend and him don't sleep together and she is dominant and moody. Now any normal man would not be with her if this was true, why would he get into this situation even without you in the picture.Its highly unlikely isn't it, its 2012, people don't have to do anything they don't WANT to.He has been with her 5 years.
I think he liked you as a friend and feels guilty for hurting you,for you being upset because he cared for you,as a friend.
Use the holidays to let go emotionally because unless he leaves her and comes to you then your wasting your emotions on him.It doesn't sound promising does it.Put your happiness first now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 December 2012):
 The GF of 5 years is not holding a gun to his head and he is not a helpless victim that needs "rescuing" he is CHOOSING to move in with her. So don't make it to be that she is terrible and he has no way out. There is always a way out of a relationship. Somehow though he CHOOSES her and this relationship. Don't fool yourself.
She might be bossy she might be domineering, but... is he really that helpless?
He might or might not have feeling for you, but for now he CHOOSES to ignore them (as in he can't answer that) or rather he WON'T answer that - because IF he does... he will HAVE to make another choice.
Stop beating yourself up, you like a guy who is taken. it happens, but it's NOT going to go anywhere you want it to. So you really have two choices (YES you have choices too) Stay friends and accept that THAT is all he can be to you. Or drop the contact and move on.
He gave you a gift because he wanted to or felt he owed you one. Is it a band-aid for hurting you or because he care? I don't know.
All I know it, YOU and the GF are the only ones being HURT by HIS CHOICES.
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