A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, I started seeing this girl who lives near me back in November. I am 34 and she is 26. Up until Christmas, things were great. We got on so well, we clicked and there was an obvious attraction for both of us. Things couldn't have been better and we were both very happy. Then, out of the blue after Christmas, she finished with me because she said she didn't feel right about us. I didn't take it well. 2 days later she was back saying she maybe had not given us enough time. We were then only back together for a week before she said it didn't feel right again and we finished. I couldn't give up on her though because I love her dearly and really believe she is the one for me. Things have been up and down since then. On occasions she has said she wants me back, but then she has doubts again. Basically she has mixed feelings about us but she cannot put her finger on what is wrong other than it doesn't feel totally right. I know a lot of my intensity in the early days could have put her off and that is something I want to fix. Right now we are just very close friends. We chat each day, we text and we see each other a couple of times a week. She knows how much I love her and she knows I want her back. We also have so many good things going for us that she herself has admitted. We get on so well, there is 100% trust between us, we feel we can be honest and tell each other anything, we are both attracted to each other, she tells me the physical side was always perfect for her, and we both want the same things out of life........so I ask myself.....what is the problem?!! I want to stick it out and stay close to her because I want it to lead to something for us both but I am scared of doing the wrong things and scaring her off. She has said to me she would never say never but I just want to do whatever it takes to win her back and show her the man she was attracted to again without appearing needy etc. She is my world and I don't want to lose her but I know I have been weak when we have split and appeared too full on in my attempts to win her back. How do I get the balance right? or should I just walk away? I don't feel as if I can becuase of how much I love her and want to make her happy.......
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Hi,
My thought is, that you have revealed too much to her too quickly. Once that was done, and she knew basically where you stood, as far as the affection you had for her, she seems to be taking advantage of you. You are going to have to take control of all those feelings you have for her, harness them somehow, find another object of your affection, not another person, but something that will take your mind off of her so much, that you are not controlled by everything she does. You don't want to become obsessed, that can scare people. Back off a little, make her think you don't care, that will probably take acting, as you care so much already. But some people like to think that, they are doing the chasing, until you catch them. It's sort of a game that a lot of people play, you must try to play it better. People sometimes have a tendency to take you for granted, if you show you care too much. So my advice would be to back off a bit, lighten up on the excess show of affection, treat her with respect, as you have been doing and try as I suggested, to make her think you don't care as much as you do. She also appears to need a little more maturity, and she may well be afraid of intimacy and committment. This will take patience on your part. Your relationship needs time, to develop into what could be a long term, mutually satisfying and caring one, between the two of you. So try to pull back and let her catch up, you are giving too much, without a return of the substantive affection you crave. Good luck and the best to you both.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (26 February 2008):
 She seems to be blowing hot and cold on you. She knows whatever hurt she has caused you, that you are gonna take her back come what may. I think you should put your foot down and refuse to be used when it suits her, as she seems to expect you to turn your feelings on and off like a tap which is highly unfair on you.
Tell her to make up her mind what she wants, as she keeps dangling at you like a carrot to a donkey. Stop being a fool for her affections, otherwise she will continue taking the mick out of you. Dusky xxx.
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