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How do I get over him cheating? And to add to my woes he got into a better university than me.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2015)
A female United States age 18-21, *carlett101 writes:

So its been 6 months since my ex cheated on me at a party and I found out by looking at his phone he didnt regret when I said I wanted to talk about it he left and I never saw him other than at school.

I went to the same school he did because I was following him now he is going to a better university but I am stuck at the same one we were in last year. I am almost going back and recently

I have been sad just because I will go back to the place were we used to have memories and idk Im getting sad all over again.

I can't get over the fact that he cheated and that he is at a better school. Im afraid of going back.

Also recently Ive been wanting to log into his fb just cause I'm curious but for what? I feel bad I'm not complete over it. :(

View related questions: cheated on me, my ex, university

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 July 2015):

Honeypie agony auntIt's never fun being cheated on, it's a huge slap in the face. Specially if they don't have no remorse or regret. HOWEVER, that is ALL in them. It's a reflection of THEIR person, not yours.

So he got into a better school, so what? That doesn't mean he IS better, just means he either worked harder to go there, or had better connection/money. BE GLAD that he is gone. Now you can move on without having to see him constantly.

If you can maybe even transfer to a school closer to home? or to a place YOU want to go. Don't MAKE your life revolve around a sucky EX BF and his craptastic abilities to be faithful.

Focus on school, friends and family. You know, the GOOD stuff in life. Make new memories at the school, don't stalk him on FB (or his page)... MOVE on. STOP beating yourself up for having had a SUCKY BF, it happens! There isn't anything else you CAN do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2015):

Hi - I feel your pain. I was cheated on too - with a girl who knew me which is even worse!

I know what you are saying too - about being stuck in the same place with the same memories! But actually, the memories really do fade in time - it will hurt for the first few weeks - but then something will happen that will make you laugh, or make you feel good about yourself & it won't be so bad.

I am still going through the pain - but every day does get better - you will eventually see other things in your life that are more important & slowly you will forget.

The first few days are the worst - but if you can get through them - you'll be fine!

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (30 July 2015):

femmenoir agony auntFirstly, let me say that i am sorry to hear about what you've been through.

The fact is that you're both very young and unfortunately at this period/stage in ones life, things that make us feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable will creep into the relationship sometimes.

We're still finding ourselves at this age/stage, trying to figure ouor own existence and lives out, let alone trying to work out somebody elses life/needs.

When we're young, some of us play the field, we search, we move on. It's part of growing up, our youthful immaturity.

This doesn't make it all ok, but this is the harsh reality of life.

The truth is that your ex may never show empathy or remorse for what he did, because he himself, is too young, immature, naive, to realise the severity of his actions toward you.

I would advise you to move on with your life, you don't need to waste your time, trying to figure everything out, trying to rationalise everything.

Give yourself full permission to grieve, to cry out loud if you have to, to make peace with your ex, what he did within your relationship.

See, you actually don't need him to be there physically, bec you can actually go within your own psyche and grieve, forgive and move on. Not even for his sake, but moreso for your own sake. This is very important to remember.

Also, keep telling yourself that you're a good person, that you did nothing wrong, nor did he really, but the two of you were not truly suited, plus you're both too young to be making serious lifelong decisions.

He should have apologised to you, but granted that he didn't, you will now have to accept this fact and tell yourself that he wasn't worth your while, if he couldn't be truthful to you.

Remember though, that he is still young, i am certain he didn't do it through sheer neglect, or lack of respect for you, but more likely out of immaturity and lack of proper thought.

Btw, i am not condoning the fact that your ex was with another girl, whilst being with you, however, being a guy, your ex is still menatlly immature at his age, hence not thinking about your feelings, but primarily his.

Most young men/women are quite selfish at this age.

In other words, he's too young to commit to you, so he moved on and most probabaly, he will continue to move on until he is older and more capable of making a proper commitment to somebody that he is truly connected to, truly in love with.

Right now, he is not thinking about the longevity of any relationship, he's still in play mode, where women are concerned.

Try talking to somebody about what you feel and pick somebody that you're not close to, because they'd be too objective, too close to you, to be able to give sound advice and assist you.

Just be happy/grateful with your life, yourself and all that you have, rather than what you don't have.

Start looking around you more closely and try not to be sad when you think of the memories from the past, try to actually embrace them and with a smile on your face and tell yourself that he actually set you free, because he did love you, he loved you so much that he knew you deserved much better, because he couldn't be the man that you wanted /expected him to be.

Better to break up now, than to commit too hastily when so young and spend half a lifetime together, then to break up.

That'd be 10 times harder.

You are now free to go out there and meet the man of your dreams, the man that will truly love you and the man that you will truly engage with and love more than any other.

You must both be on the same page, otherwise it cannot and will not work.

He is out there, you just haven't met him yet. :-)

With all due respect, men of this age group tend to think more with their genatalia than with their heads.

I know, i was your age once and i have had lots of experience in my lifetime.

My first bf did the same thing to me, yet i still took him back and we ended staying together, for another 5 yrs almost!

In the end, i found a stronger connection with another, so we parted ways, but amicably.

I guess you would find it very hard to trust him ever again, nor would you be able to trust with 100% certainty, any man that you should date down the line, as you've already been bitten once.

I would strongly advise you to talk about your feelings, fears and all that is negative in your mind, with a fully qualified Counsellor, as i truly think a good Counsellor will be able to help you to help yourself, when any feelings of negativity, loneliness, jealousy, fear, etc; enter your head space.

If you do get some counselling, after getting the referral from your local GP, then i can almost guarantee that you'll be much better able to cope, no matter what thoughts enter your head, or no matter what comes your way.

Regarding your exs Uni, worry not about that either. You are wasting your precious time and energy, in relation to something that you have no control over.

You don't need to feel as though you are somehow 'beneath' your ex.

Sure, he's been admitted into a better Uni, but this doesn't make you somehow lower than him, or somehow more inexperienced, or less capable, or less qualified, no way!

You are who you are and be damn proud of yourself, go look yourself in the mirror daily and repeat to yourself that you are the bomb! That you are perfect, just as you are and for who you are.

You deserve the best and nothing but the best!

Many young people don't even get into Uni, but they go onto College, they do further studies, they qualify in many great areas, within many great professions and they end up obtaining really good jobs, so truly, Uni isn't everything it once was recognised as.

Basically, it's not the be all and end all.

Actually, where i live, i watched a documentary regarding Uni and Colleges.

Most college students actually excelled in the practical areas, because they do much more practical training at colleges, whereas at Uni, it much more theoretical and for many of us, it goes in 1 ear and comes out of the other.

When you've used your hands, you will never forget. This is very true.

It's great to be well brought up, to be able to go to a good primary and high school, as a student who graduates will be more likely to obtain entry into Uni, or enter into the work place, but even those who don't do as well academically, can still continue their studies and become somebody real worthy in the work place and society as a whole.

Everybody is worthy and we all deserve chances in life.

I never went to Uni immediately, bec i got pregnant very young, i had to raise my son, whilst working full time for years, but after he was a bit older, my parents babysat for me each week and today, i am a very good Clinical Nurse and a part-time Counsellor, so you just never know what's around the corner.

What's important is that you show interest and that you put in your best effort, regardless of where you're studying.

Live your life for you, do not live in your exs shadow and do not try to live up to his expectations, or don't do what he does, just to try and prove something to him, or to yourself. Simply be you and do whatever you truly want to do.

I'm assuming here, that you would have liked to have gotten into his Uni too, so you could see him regularly and be at his level.

Remember, no matter how much we like/love somebody, trying to hang around them, watching them from afar, wanting what they've got, wishing you were still with them, near them, isn't healthy at all, because the sharp truth here is that he has moved on with his life and yes, without you in it, he's actually doing ok, so you get on with your life too and make yourself happy, do what's best for you.

If you simply live for you, with or without a man in your life, you will be 10 times happier, hecne less painful thoughts and feelings overall.

I wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)

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