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My girlfriend knows our relationship is one sided but does nothing to change it. Should I end things?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2015)
A male United States age 22-25, *unboy36 writes:

Okay so this is a short question. I do everything for my girlfriend. I cook for her, drive her, buy her things, etc and I feel she does little in return. On a few occasions she has even said I know I do nothing to contribute, does that bother you? I always kinda shrug it off and say no because it would mean nothing if I were telling her to do it. So I'm asking if by the fact she realizes she does not contribute and since I said I don't mind it, but she is still happy to sit there and not contribute, should I break it off?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 July 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with SVC.

Don't SHRUG things off that you ACTUALLY are unhappy about. Specially if they are things that CAN change.

SAY what you mean, and mean what you say. Such a common advice today! But it's also so simple.

You CAN yes, yes I do sometimes feel taken advantage off, because I DO much for you - it is MY way of showing love and affection, but I don't feel I "get" much back from you.

If she is just coasting, letting YOU do everything is it because she is young and never HAD to do much of anything? Or because she is unsure of what is expected? OR... is she just lazy and spoiled?

Sometimes it can even feel a bit overwhelming if you have a partner who goes all out all the time, because WHAT can you then contribute with?

You say you cook for her. So she comes over to YOUR place and you cook a meal? If so, WHY not ask her to set the table, make the salad, help chop stuff or what not? INCLUDE her.

YOU are not her parent, she is NOT the child.

TALK to her.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 July 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThis query falls in to the category of ".. my B/F;G/F never tells me (that) he/she loves me...." LISTEN TO THEM....

At least your G/F was bold enough to ask the question.... likely because she KNOWS she's not holding up her end of the "relationship" bargain. You can do as SVC suggested... OR, you can make your own decision that you don't want to follow that path. Either, is an OK choice...

Good luck...

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A male reader, gunboy36 United States +, writes (30 July 2015):

gunboy36 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well the reason I haven't confronted her about it is I feel like anyone who actually cares about someone else would want to show that they love them.I'm not saying she needs to drive me around or do my homework, but even something small like leaving a note or offering to grab me a beer every once in a while would show me. She just says she loves me, but never shows it. I feel like by telling her she needs to participate in the relationship it kinda defeats the purpose. Her heart should tell her that, and if it doesn't I have a hard time believing she loves me.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (30 July 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntShe ASKS you if it bothers you and you shrug it off.

You need to be saying YES it bothers me...what can we do to fix it?

She's ASKING you how to fix it.

Get a copy of the book "the 5 languages of love" or go to the website and both of you take the quiz to figure out your love language....

Then express to her your needs/wants for a partner.

if you don't tell her what you need want how is she to know?

She's not a mind reader....

OTOH, if you do everything stop doing it and see if she picks up the slack....

until you actually discuss your needs/wants walking away seems unreasonable. IF after you have talked about it and you say "I NEED/WANT you to ...(fill in what you need from her) and then she either says "I can't or I won't" or she says she will and then still does not, then you leave.

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