A
female
age
30-35,
*ant2behappy
writes:Sitting here heartbroken wondering what I did to deserve this!! Ok, so I'm 22 years old I've been with my husband 4 years and married for 2 we have a one year old and a baby due in 4 weeks time. I'm looking for advise on how to be strong enough to get this man out my life for good!! He's so horrible to me. He doesn't care about me or his daughter. He's a cheat and a liar and I've also found several messages on his phone arranging to meet escorts when he can't provide money for me and his daughter to eat!! He's very angry all the time and always takes it out on me. He lifts his hands and shouts and tells me how fat and ugly I am fat cause I'm 8months pregnant. This man has made me lose all my friends and family and had drained the whole life out of me. I'm constantly unhappy and I hate the moment he comes home from work incase he's in a bad mood... Half the problem is he's addicted to cannabis so if he's not smoked that day he won't even speak to me.... Now your properly wondering why am still with this guy. I'm scared to leave him. I don't know what he will do. And also who the hell is going to want me. I used to be such a happy and bubbly girl I don't know what's happend to me.... He will go out all night turn his phone off and also block my number telling me I can't monitor his life and its not my business where he is or what he's doing. All this has started since we moved out of My family house. We also left there as he attacked my brother and said to my mum he was going to smash her face in. I don't know why am with someone so horrible.., when it's good it's really nice though but I'm starting to forget what that feels like. Can I also point out that based on our marriage he got a visa to stay in the uk as he's African. I don't know why he's so horrible when all I've done is support himAnd choose him over everyone. Am sorry if this doesn't make sense but nothing does make sense to me anymore. I just want some advise on how to actually walk away from all this and get my family back. Am so alone and I just want him toChange but that never will happen. Thanks so much Claire x
View related questions:
escort, heartbroken, liar, money, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): Hello.
sweetheart i really feel for you here. i am so pleased to read you have had enough and want rid of this vile man.
please take the advice a Bella is giving here with the resources available. The police also have a domestic violence unit who can advise too so you can stay safe whilst leaving him.
wishing you such strength- stay strong! you are absolutely doing the right thing and you will get through this xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): Your husband is an abuser who has married you only to get a visa to stay in this country. This happens to thousands of women and you are one of them. It won't just affect you, it will affect all the other women he comes into contact with and any further children he creates. So, if you can't find the strength to leave him for your own sake, at least do so for your children.You've fallen for the charms of an abuser - and abusers can be exceptionally charming and loving when they fear they are losing their grip on whoever they are abusing OR if that doesn't work, they simply accelerate the degree of abuse.Talk to your midwife immediately. He will never change and he is here to stay in this country now. You MUST think of your children and protect them and your unborn child at all costs. If YOU are not strong enough to keep away form him for good then you MUST recognise that your own weaknesses will, one way or another, make your children vulnerable; they will experience the charms of an abusive man and the abuse and violence too and will grow up thinking this is normal. Try to get counselling to understand what drew you to this person in the first place but, first and foremost, talk to your midwife and find a safe place to live away from him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (15 August 2015):
 You will no doubt recognise this cycle of violence from the Power and Control wheel.
http://abuseintervention.org/sandbox77/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf
It sounds like you have reached the point where you know this abuse is not healthy for you and your child. Though be prepared for him to try to win you back when he starts to realize that you are not coming back.
This might help you to resolve to not return to his abuse:
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/thinking_about_leaving.html
another resource for you is detailed below:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220041
You can ring this phone number from womensaid.org.uk to receive support in UK: 0808 2000 247
Victim Support is also available here:
https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-victims/ive-been-affected/domestic-abuse
and they also have a phone number you can use to seek support:
via Supportline on 08 08 16 89 111.
Dial 141 to hide your number. Please check with your network provider as this doesn’t work on some mobile networks.
Normal opening hours for the Supportline are:
Weeknights Monday to Friday 8pm to 8am
Weekends Saturday 5pm to Monday 8am
Reach out to support for you and your child.
No matter what the abuser says this abuse is NOT your fault.
The blame for the abuse rests solely with the one doing the abuse.
It is unhealthy for you and your child to have to supper this abuse.
It is important that you do get help and support so that you can move on to more comfortable and safer living arrangements, without abuse.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): tell your family what has happened/your concerns and take your daughter and go stay with them. Even if you have lost touch a bit they are your family and they should understand and help you out. Contact the police and speak to someone from there domestic violence department for advice on how to keep safe and get some extra help if you need. You have a duty to your unborn child and your daughter to keep them safe. Someone once told me it is better to be alone than in a relationship that is horrible, it is very true. You should not have to tolerate abusive behavior on a regular basis, no wonder you are not feeling happy/bubbly!It will only get worse for you once you are there looking after a new baby you will be even more vulnerable. Please summon the courage to get yourself out of this situation while you still can. I hope you can look back on this one day and realize how much better your life is without this man.
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (15 August 2015):
Talk to your midwife (or any health care professional who has been monitoring your pregnancy) as soon as you possibly can - midwives in the UK all receive training on safeguarding and protecting women and children from domestic violence. They will be able to help you set the ball rolling.
And go and stay with your family if you can. You need their support during the last few weeks of your pregnancy. Contact the police or a solicitor to get an injunction out against your boyfriend if he continues to throw his weight around don't hesitate to call the police.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): It sounds like you have to get out of this relationship. For your sake and for the sake of your children.Firstly, talk to your family and see if you and your child can move back in with them. It sounds like they have the space as you and your husband had been living there previously. Then get yourself sorted at home and know what things you will be taking. Ask several members of your family to help you move.Also, go to Citizens Advice and explain the whole situation to them. They will tell you your rights and should be able to give you some legal advice. Your husband's visa may be affected by you leaving him, so it will be good for you to have as much information as possible.This is going to be very hard for you and I imagine that your husband will alternate between very angry and very sweet and loving in an attempt to stop you from leaving him. He may have a visa at stake here.You and your children deserve a happy peaceful life. Be brave, and go for it. x
...............................
|
