A
female
age
41-50,
*elling
writes:please can you help me, i checked my partner of 2 years phone and found a lot of girls numbers and some very sexy texts, which he has replied to, i am heartbroken ,how can cofront him when i had to put his pin number in to get in his phone ,i feel really bad for going into his phone, but really sad at what i have seen, i need to tell him by how can i do that without him turning round on me for looking.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 no you have not been wrong to let the texting upset you. he's cheating on you emotionally and lying about it by not telling you... emotional cheating is what killed my last marriage... he cheated on me emotionally and i asked him to stop and he could not...
the reason your man is offering to pay bills is because he knows he did you wrong and he feels guilty.
what you are missing now is not what is but what could be or what was or what you want.
you cannot love a man's potential only what he actually is and right now that man you loved is not the same man
hugs to you that you get through this pain easily.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (10 September 2011):
"have i been wrong to let the texting upset me so much that now i have lost him."No you haven't been wrong. He was cheating on - and as you didn't talk about this issue, you'll never really know how far it went and what went on.Of course you are upset and heartbroken. It doesn't mean the relationship is meant to be. You must be feeling utterly crap. Time to spend time with friends and loved ones and get on the road to getting past all this mess. You can do it, and you'll be glad you did.
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A
female
reader, belling +, writes (10 September 2011):
belling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe are not together anymore, he is moving ouy toay while i am at work, i said some awful things to him last night even told him i hated him i said sorry for that, he said some awful things to me aswell, when i left home this morning we did not even say goodbye,how can something so beautiful end like this up untill 2 weeks ago all was fine,where did the man i fell in love with go, i know i still love him and am now heartbroken .he does not know i looked at his phone i wish now i had told him and then he might understand why i am so angry with him.
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A
female
reader, yowie  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 he feels guilty, is why, and so he should.
That texting /sexting stuff is an emotional betrayal, I have had the same issue believe me :( Best wishes
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A
female
reader, belling +, writes (9 September 2011):
belling is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did not have to tell my partner i looked in his phone, he was continuosly texting in front of me i lost it and we had a row and he finished with me, i felt relief i did not tell him, he said he still wants to be in touch with me and pay the bills and pay for the work on my car, why would he want to do all that when he does not want to be with me,he is moving out tomorrow and my heart is now broken have i been wrong to let the texting upset me so much thatnow i have lost him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 September 2011):
why do YOU feel guilty (granted spying is a bad thing) why is this YOUR fault.
I would never think to check my current partner's phone he gives me no reason to think he's cheating. My last husband.. you bet I checked.. he was a liar and a cheat and I knew it..
IF we have no prior history of being cheated on or lied to to give us pause and concern and we are thinking our partners are lying and cheating then they probably are and it's NOT OUR fault....
You have every right to say... "your behavior has led me to suspect that there might be an issue with other women and I have verified this to be true"
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A
female
reader, belling +, writes (8 September 2011):
belling is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have not confronted my partner yet, but he knows there is something wrong, i am feeing so guilty about looking at his phone and hate myself for it, i cant forgive myself for doing that,i know i have to tell him what i have done, but how do i start.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (8 September 2011):
 "why would he need to text these women when he made me believe he truly loved, why am i not enough for him."
He may love you (even though it's doubtful), but he doesn't love you enough to be only with you. He doesn't love you enough to be committed to you and you alone. He may feed you some great lines, but the bottom line is he doesn't love you as you love him. If you choose to forgive him, he will just think "hey she forgave me once, I bet she'll forgive me again if I say the right things to get her back." Ask yourself: would YOU have ever done this? If not, ask yourself why. Then realize that he was in the same situation and that your answer to the question was entirely different.
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A
female
reader, shalley  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 I think u should question him about this.also make him know he cant fool everyone at the same time.move on and never go back to him cos he will continue lying to u.take care.
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A
female
reader, belling +, writes (7 September 2011):
belling is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think i did not explain right, as i was so upset, the women he is texting are on a forces web site i know he is not seeing them, but he is texting them and he must have given them his phone number, why would he need to text these women when he made me believe he truely loved, why am i not enough for him.
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A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Well you had a doubt if you went and check his phone. Maybe female intuition? He's in the wrong and you won't trust him anymore. Do you really think you will have a peace of mind from now on? Is it really worth it? I think you deserved better. Get a guy who's only into you. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Do not feel bad for anything. If you had suspicions about his behaviour then I don't see why you should feel bad for checking his phone. All he can say to you is that you shouldn't have gone through his phone, but so what? You don't deserve to be treated like your second best and he should respect you. If he turns things round onto you it's just a defense mechanism and therefore he blatantly knows he is guilty of his own actions. If I was you, I'd move on and dump this guy. You can't keep this relationship going but still knowing that he could potentially cheat on you. You have to confront him about this matter and if he turns it round onto you then he's just trying to make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong. Keep your chin up and dump him :)
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A
female
reader, belling +, writes (7 September 2011):
belling is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni love him and we have been through some tough times but we have always got through it.i know he will say i am the one not to be trusted as i used his pin to look at his phone,it will then take away the fact of what i saw, the reason i did look was he is always texing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): If you HADN'T found anything incriminating I doubt that you would be making this submittal asking if you should 'fess up to snooping on his phone???? Of course not....
BUT!, here, you DID snoop... and you DID find things that you would have preferred not to find.... So, since you can't go back (you can't "unring" a bell!!!!)... just go ahead and dump the cheating dog. No reason to tell him why....
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (7 September 2011):
What do you want to happen when you tell him?
There are two issues here, the first that he has been going behind your back with other women, and second, that you have gone through his private things.
You're just going to have to be direct and tell him outright, that you suspected him of cheating, so you checked his phone. If he turns it around on you, you need to tell him that you will both discuss the trust issue AFTER you've talked about why he is going behind your back.
Remember that he is doing this for a reason, he feels that something is missing from your relationship. Now either it is something he can acknowledge and you can both work at fixing, or he's just the kind of guy that needs to have attention out of the relationship. If this is true, it would be far better for you to get rid of him, as you will never be able to fully ever trust him again.
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (7 September 2011):
don't tell him just dump him, if he loved you he would not of cheated. You deserve someone better at the end of the day you had a doubt that something was wrong and you acted on it and now you have proof that he is a rat. If he asks why did you dump him say 'look in a mirror and you'll see a liar'
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 September 2011):
Why are you worried about him turning it around on you? This guy has been caught red handed emotionally cheating at the very least. It's pretty clear that he has little respect for you, so why not just confront him, tell him what you know and dump him? There's no reason for you to stay or to try and fix this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2011):
you had to have had a reason for looking...what made you feel the need to check his phone?
if you believe him to be cheating (even emotionally) what do you expect him to do about it when confronted with it?
what outcome do you want?
do you want him to stop with the other women? do you really think he will now that he got caught?
or do you just want closure to end the relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Wow that's tough. I can't blame you for going through his phone. I prob would have. Done the same thing, I rhino it's human nature to want to make sure the one were w is true to us. Now you know he's on the prowl. Information is knowledge. I would confront him with the knowledge you have I am sure be will be upset about you snooping but if you guys are going to make it work then you both have to build up the trust factor. Otherwise you will be silently brewing over what you discovered and wondering where and with whom he's with. And that is no way to live ur life.
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