A
female
age
41-50,
*eedygf
writes:I'm really confused.Two days ago, my LDR ex bf broke up with me. Deep down I know it's mainly because I was being too needy and pushed him too far. I always cry during our skype, complaining he didn't spend enough time online with me, I was even upset and angry just seeing him being happy and thought, how can he be happy without me.But when I recalled one of my friends in university. She always fight with her boyfriend, especially during finals because he needed time to study. Friends always thought they won't last long, especially when the girl pushed for marriage and the guy complained to us that he's not ready. But who knew, they got married last year.So my question is, does it mean neediness won't matter at all when it's true love?I'm very confused.
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female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (6 September 2012):
I was about to make a comment about insecurity when I read you said it yourself.
I truly believe that you need to be comfortable with yourself and your own life before you can have a relationship with another person.
Sort out your problems (easier said than done) and enjoy life! If you're positive you will attract positive people :)
A
female
reader, needygf +, writes (6 September 2012):
needygf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the replies. It did make me think a lot.
I found out that I also have insecurity. Like if he didn't say "i love you" everytime we finished talking on skype or phone or text, I'll panick and think that he doesn't care or love me anymore. And this feeling will make me more needy and I'll write him long email to try to pull him close.
After reading some relationship books like "He's not that into you", I got panick even more. Part of me think that it's just a book written by some standup comedian, but part of me feel that there's some truth in it.
It got me really confused.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Love does not mean being together 24/7
Love does not mean checking in with every move
To be honest until you fix your own issues finding love is going to be hard.
My current relationship started out as an LDR but we met IRL first and then had no choice… while I wanted more contact at first than he did… I held myself back.. it wasn’t neediness so much as just wanting to be closer to him… I got my wish.. I see him every day now. We live together and sometimes I want to be alone…
Being with someone 24/7 is not healthy. A boyfriend won’t fix what’s broken.. only you can do that… and until you do, it’s going to be hard to find a healthy man to be with.
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A
female
reader, needygf +, writes (5 September 2012):
needygf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the replies. Especially person12345. All your words make so much sense.
I was in real depression basically everyday. I want to be with him EVERY SECOND. I can't do anything before he replied my message. I'm not interested to social with anyone but him. I moved to another country because there was too much memories in the city we've lived together before. Also, I was trying to impress him.
However, when I was having difficulties in life (shit job shit life), I want him more because I hope that he can solve it for me. I wanted him to report his location wherever he goes (although i didn't tell him this because even I know it's crazy but I did have this thought). I wanted him to spend every waking second to be online for me. I even got disappointed when he no longer "like" my facebook photos. Was I sick?
I wasn't happy about my life and I thought if I can be with him then at least I have one thing right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): ". . .does it mean neediness won't matter at all when it's true love?"As a guy, I suspect very few guys "truly love" needy chicks, more often the case is, to quote an oft-used classic DC line, "he TELLS me he loves me." Needy chicks are usually insecure and vulnerable and therefore easily exploitable by appealing to their ego and vanity, and guys looking to exploit such chicks know exactly what lines to use to sucker them in. As for your friend, getting married is neither an indication of true love or true happiness, especially when she "pushed" for marriage. I suspect her bf wouldn't have married her if he didn't think he had something to gain for his own personal benefit. "I was even upset and angry just seeing him being happy and thought, how can he be happy without me."Exactly why very few guys can "truly love" needy chicks, you make "true love" impossible because you love yourselves more than you love the guy, which is the antithesis of true love. That you begrudge ex-bf for being happy when you're not just goes to illustrate my point. In your case, my guess is ex-bf simply got tired of the constant drama and complaining and hysterics and whining, and since you were LDR he wasn't getting laid often enough to make continuing to put up with you worth the effort required.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 There are some important differences with your friend though. Fighting is tiring, but usually doesn't feel so tiring as neediness. When someone is very clingy, it is exhausting. You feel a constant pressure to be there for them and a constant guilt that you are not living up to their needs. Every time you talked you cried, so he never really got a chance to be reminded of why he loved you. All he could think about was sadness when he was with you. Equally importantly, you were not getting what you needed from him either. He could not be there as much as you needed (whether the amount was realistic or not) and this relationship was bringing you nothing but misery. That sentence really stuck out to me where you said you did not understand how he could be happy without you. Not because of how he felt, but because I think you were saying you couldn't feel happy without him.
I'm sorry the relationship ended. Long distance is very hard and it sounds like you were not coping well with it. Even though he was the one who ended things, it sounds like this relationship was making you far more miserable than him. In the long run it's much better not to be in a situation where you are not capable of feeling happy without him and cry daily. I know right now it's very sad, but I suspect this will allow you to be much happier in your day to day life in not too long. Hang out with friends, take an extra class, take up a hobby, do something to make you as busy as possible and you'll get through it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): i think the top answer is so right. meet somebody closer to home for a real relationship to work out. same city is best. babe let me say one thing--- clingy girls scare off men so play it cool take it slow. dont get upset if he cant be with you all the time.try a few local places to meet people or date site maybe.
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A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 it depends on the person to be honest. some people like the other half being clingy, some don't. I suggest you ask how often they would like to see you/ can see you as they may be a busy person.
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