A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey how can you stop yourself from geting too jelous? My bf has alot of female friends that parts ok, the problem is the ones that have a crush on him or messed around with him in the past (hes friends with hes ex's). I get jelous/mad/upset just hearing there names or knowing hes gonna be hanging out with them. Also he has a new friend thats a girl and she texts him 24/7 (she has a bf also but still some girls these days dont care) and he brings her up some times like the other day he said she has a little kids voice like you, i sound alot younger then i am. and i wanted to say "i dont care about her voice" but i dont wanna seem jelous. Please help me i hate being jelous of stupid stuff and thinking rude comments about people i dont even know well. Thanks.
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male
reader, xnickx +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Its okay to be jealous. Whats not okay, is that you are keeping this jealousy from him. These jealous feelings will keep building up, and building up. You will spend so much time focusing on them, you will start to create problems and accusations that arent really there.
Go ahead and let your boyfriend know what you're thinking. If the jealousies in your head dont tear you apart, eventually you being fed up with hearing about these girls will. Dont take on a controlling tone, but let him know that you really arent interested about hearing about other girls. Obviously, tolerate it to some degree, but when it makes you feel uncomfortable, let him know.. This could easily be done in a very lighthearted, flirty way. i.e. "its great that you think this about her, but id much rather hear what you think about (insert aspect) of me." Keep in mind these are his friends so if you reject them too much it could come off as you dont care about his life, but he should understand where you're coming from.
Nick.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Your right, some girls don't care, just as some guys don't care. How well do you know your boyfriend. I think it's good that he mentioned her voice being like yours. Most guys that cheat won't mention a girl they're talking to, or feel open in doing so. It's easy to be jealous, but what I want you to focus on is how well you know your boyfriend. Is he someone who would cheat? I ask this way, because if he is not, it doesn't matter what the girls want from him, because he wouldn't go there.
It is okay to talk to him about how you feel and these issues. Let him know that it's not about the friendship, but about those you feel want more than friendships with him. Texting and chatting is okay, but not if it takes an inappropriate direction.
Relationships are not about controlling what the other one does. Have faith in him and your relationship, and remember that if he does cross that line, you can then choose to forgive or to move on, but it's not okay to restrict with the belief that something will happen, when there is nothing to support those beliefs. In doing so, you're only causing issues and keeping yourself from truly enjoying your relationship.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Sounds like your bf is a bit of a player!
You have every right to be jealous, no girlfriend should have to sit and watch her bf hang out/text other girls! He should be devoted to you.
You need to tell him how much it upsets you just at the mention of names etc. Tell him that you are thinking not very nice things about girls you harldy know, and that you don't want to think things like that! If you sit quietly and don't speak up for yourself, he's more than likely gonna end up cheating (worst case scenario) at the very least he'll just keep doing as he's doing because he can.
Speak up and make him hear you!
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