A
female
age
41-50,
*elly1199
writes:I found out that my boyfriend has cheated on me with oversized, unattractive, low class women. I thought this had been put to rest but recently discovered that he masturbates with the use of Voluptuous magazine as well as other big girl materials. If that is what turns him on, why is he with me? It seems as if I am what he wants the public image of his girlfriend to be but behind closed doors or when he thinks no one else will know, he's aroused by a much different type of female? Is there any real hope here, what girl ever thinks she's not big enough in any aspect for her man???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 September 2010):
 I still say you focus you anger at the wrong people. HE cheated. HE is the one in a relationship with you.
Why not move on and find a decent fella?
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 September 2010):
 when you *say*
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 September 2010):
When you oversized, unattractive, low class women do you mean women with no jobs sitting on their rear with 2 kids from two different fathers, collecting her welfare check every first of the month? Just curious.
Now on your latest update, that sounds like a piss poor excuse to justify his cheating. There's no justifying cheating, it's plain and simple. What does he mean "Girls like you are more of a challenge and don't even notice me." ? He already has you!! There's no work required just the basic maintenance of a relationship which he clearly can't handle. Ok so, he feels the need to sleep with apparent trashy, overweight, women with a record to feel better about himself? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't when the guy scores a hot girl in bed that is the ultimate ego booster? (Regardless of her weight) Really, larger "bad girls" is what his type is whether you'd like to admit it or not. That's most likely what he has dated in the past and is ultimately attracted to. Hence why he cheated on you with those women and has a hidden stash of Voluptuous. I'm going to take a stab at this here and say the reason he started dating you was one you gave him the chance, and to try a different breed of women other than what he's used to. Really you're not his cup of tea, sorry. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, Kelly1199 +, writes (14 September 2010):
Kelly1199 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd in his words "I have low self esteem and they were what was easy to get the ego boost I thought I needed at the time. Girls like you are more of a challenge and don't even notice me."
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A
female
reader, Kelly1199 +, writes (14 September 2010):
Kelly1199 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand how you may feel that I am being harsh with regards to these females but being that these were exactly the terms used when mutual MALE friends spoke of the instances of infidelity I do not think I need to be reprimanded for it. When these women are known for criminal records and habits of sitting in bars nightly taking home whoever is drunk enough to accept, I do not feel that I need to be kind with regards to my phrasing.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I agree with everything thats been said..Cheaters will usually not change, so not much hope.He cheated on you, so it appears he must have found them more attractive than you.The anger really should be directed at your boyfriend.For my answer, it really depends on how long you have been with him, and how long you want to be with him. If this has been a long term relationship and he has other qualities that outweigh this bad quality, then attempt to work through it. But work through it at your pace. Give him the ultamatum, that its you or the other women. You've already done more than your share by taking him back after he cheated. Its his turn to prove that he's worthy of you.If its been a short relationship however, i'd say dump him and find someone thats deserving of you and going to treat you right. Im a big believer that if it didnt work out the first time, its not going to work the next 10 times, and i think that applies here. He hasnt changed his ways, i doubt he will change his ways.It's really up to you if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.Nick.
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 It's understandable that you're hurt and furious about this, but try not to take it out on the women it is entirely your boyfriend you should be angry at. He has done the damage to you not them.
Perhaps you're right and he secretly finds larger women attractive, but he wants you as eye candy out in public, who knows? But more to the point, why are you even with this loser that cheated on you? Don't waste anymore time feeling bad about the situation, find someone that appreciates and wants YOU. Not someone that wants something else.
I do not believ that cheaters will change, I personally do not see any hope in your situation other than to leave the dissrespectfull man and find some one better that treats you like you deserve to be treated.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2010):
Why are you being so judgement of these women? they didn't do a DARN thing to you. YOU BF is the one who deserves your anger.
Why are you with him if he constantly cheat is more the question.
The hope I see.... Is you having some self respect and dump him, then he can chase all the chubby women he wants and you can find a real man, who can stay faithful and treat you like you deserve.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Not the usual problem, but hey, everyone is different.
If that's what he wants, why is he with you?
I'm guessing by this statement that you're not a big woman. I think you're right about the "public image" thing. Guys can be judgemental, and it is likely easier to have a "typical" girlfriend as far as dealing with his friends is concerned. Then again, he may be ashamed by his desire, and actively be trying to do the opposite. It's sad, because denying what we want is not healthy, and will only hurt the relationship in the long run.
Is there any real hope here?
I lean toward no. He already cheated, that's a really bad sign. I would suggest trying to find a guy who will appreciate you and not make you feel self conscious about if you're what he wants. I have trouble believing that cheaters will change, especially if they haven't modified their habits at all.
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