A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm really confused and would appreciate every bit of help in understanding my current situation. I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. Things were never easy between us, as he was still in a dysfunctional (as I thought) relationship with another woman. We had a great connection - really a lot in common. There have been often moments when we would say the same thing at the same time. It was kind of funnyIn the beginning, we would have a great night together and he would be really gentle and caring; he would stay overnight and leave with a kiss in the morning; then he would text or email something funny the next day and... disappear for a week or so. Later, things entered into a different phase: he would ask me out and we would make plans to see each other, but then, just before the set date (sometimes a few hours before our meeting) he would cancel, saying that he was tired, sick, whatever. In the few occasions when we met, he was again very gentle and loving and caring. And then the whole agony would start again. Until a couple of days ago, when he came home again. We had a chat, we had sex and during that he kept saying that he "adored me" (we've never openly spoken about feelings before). And then 5 min later he got up and left, saying that it was all a mistake and he didn't intend it because the relationship between him and his girlfriend had really changed in the past few months.I felt so bad and let him goThe next day, he sent me an email, full of smilies and asking for some pretty trivial favor. I gave him the information that he was asking for, but took the opportunity to tell him (pretty strongly) that that day it felt like the world was falling over me and I needed him to give me a break and stay away from me as I try to heal. He didn't respond, didn't say thank you for the favor, nothing. I spent a few days crying and trying to understand how can somebody can talk to you the sweetest words on earth and dump you only a few minutes later...
View related questions:
a break, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thank you so much for your answers. They helped me to move on, to reduce the feelings for this guy and get back to myself...You are very right - I was not at all in the right to date a not available man and probably was "asking" for it to be treated so cruelly by him. Still, his punishment was way too harsh. My feelings for him (the individual person with no girlfriends and tons of lies attached) were sincere. It's all just history now.@ YouWish, when I told him I needed a "break", I really didn't meant a possibility for him to return. Only if he comes to my door, after breaking up with his girlfriend, crying and begging me down on his knees to return, then I would like to hear from him. Not to welcome him back, just to see his humiliation. @ Cerberus, thank you for your post and the linked article. It was really helpful. And believe me, it's not that I don't know it that actions speak louder than words. But being this deeply involved into his mind games, I realize I really lost perception of where actions turn into empty words.Again thank you so much all of you for helping me see the situation clearer and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): He's cheater and you got played by him. It's as simple as that. Look I'm not trying to put you down but you put your hand into the fire and you got burned. It was pretty much your own fault and a lot of people will say you deserve it too because you are perfectly willing to hurt his girlfriend and not care what getting with him would mean to her. How did you really expect to trust a guy with your feelings when you're cheating with him? How did you expect not to get hurt by a guy who shows so little respect to the girl he's already with that he cheated with you?The very act of cheating means the guy is an untrustworthy douche you were wrong to think that things were different between you and him because he's been lying through his teeth this entire time.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-actions-speak-louder-than-words.htmlThe very act of cheating means all his words are bullshit from the outset. You got played, you kind of asked for it and now it's time to move on. Or you can continue to be his play thing. Your choice OP but I hope you move on form this asshole and not let something like this happen again. Don't even befriend guys who have girlfriends if you're so easily convinced by words.
...............................
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Hello,
I'm afraid he was already with someone so was just using you. Obviously had his pleasure and then left. But, he is not a nice person and you truly are better off without him. Take time to lick your wounds and then move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 April 2011):
 The answer to your question is extremely simple.
He was using you. He never loved you.
Think of it this way. You dated this guy while he was with another woman. If you knew this, why did you become an accomplice to his cheating? Of course he's going to paint a picture of a horrible girl so that he can get you to sleep with him. And sleep with him you did. Guys who cheat and use will say anything sweet, kind, and loving to get you to give them what they want.
If he was really into you, not only would he not have a girlfriend, but seeing you would be his top priority. You did the right thing by leaving him. The icing on the cake was the last time you had sex with him. He got what he wanted and then brushed you clean off.
Then he contacts you as if nothing happened....because he wanted something from you!
A cheater's words are WORTHLESS. He had to villify his girlfriend in order to get you to sleep with him. He conned you, manipulated you with his flowery words to get you into bed. I feel bad for his girlfriend who obviously doesn't know what a complete slimebucket her boyfriend is. If she was that horrible, why didn't he break up with her before seeing you?
Your lesson learned is to never ever date someone with an existing relationship, be it married, or engaged, or exclusively attached. Ever. Not ever, never, no how. If you start getting feelings for someone like you did this guy, think about if his girlfriend is your best friend, your sister, your mom. You would be so angry with this guy.
Don't consider this to be "a break". Consider this to be a permanent and complete dumping of him from your life, your bed, and your thoughts (eventually). Don't let him play mind games. Don't let him booty call you. Threaten to tell his girlfriend if he pulls it again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Sounds like he either has a personality disorder or is just an absolute jerk. He needs to sort out his issues. Cut your losses and move on... next time don't get involved with anyone who still has a girlfriend or hasn't gotten over their ex.
...............................
|
