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age
41-50,
writes: Warning:(The following contains broad generalizations to illustrate a point, there are no rules nor concrete all encompassing truths in what I write, there are always exceptions. This applies to men too)I've been on this site for a while now and have never written an article but something has struck me recently and it's the number of times I've had to tell women to look at behaviours and not listen to the words they are told by guys.So often we get questions on the meaning of what a guys says, is he just using me for sex? why didn't he call me back after sleeping with me when he told me he loved me? he says he loves me but he cheated? he's sorry he hit me? he says he loves me but can't leave his wife? You know the thing. Very often (almost always) the answer is in the question itself. The very behaviour they describe in those questions that make them question the validity of what the guy is telling them, is the answer they seek. Yet lots of women can't see that mostly because they refuse to believe it, because they so badly want it to be true.Here's the thing girls bWords mean nothing if they aren't backed up by actions and behaviours/b for example: If a guy says he loves you but makes no attempt to make an emotional connection beyond words then he doesn't love you. If he only calls you to meet up for sex, then no matter what he says, no matter what excuse he uses it is only about the sex. If a guy says you're the only one for him yet he sleeps with another, then you're not the only one and no, saying that he inow/i realizes he made a mistake and inow/i by sleeping with this woman realizes he only wants you is also a load of crap.You've all heard the "the way to a mans heart is..." Well most of us guys have figured that the way to a girls heart is through her ears. Words can create deep emotions in women hence the popularity of loves songs/romance movies/novels etc amongst a female demographic. All us guys will use that knowledge to get what we want, it's not necessarily a bad thing either but we do know if you say the right thing you can almost completely disarm most women, in relationships it can be even easier if the woman already loves you. The trick for women is to judge whether a guys actions synchronize with his words. You see the trick to being a successful womanizer for a guy is to know what a girl wants to hear and to match that with action for just as long he needs to get what he wants because women get caught up in the fantasy of words they wish to be true (but that's a discussion for a different article)What women need to learn is if he says one thing and does another then it is what he does that show his true intent and/or feelings. Words aren't truth just because you want them to be they have to be backed up with actions and consistent behaviours.That's an important point, these actions must also be consistent. Conclusion: Consistent actions are the true gauge of a man. If he treats you horribly once, that can be a mistake, twice that's a consistent behaviour and it doesn't matter what he says otherwise. Learn to tell the difference, stop listening to words and watch behaviour. Take another look at those romantic movies/books etc. and you'll see that the dashing hero is only a hero because he does the things he speaks about. He doesn't just say "I'd die/kill for you" he actually does die/kill. There are guys like that out there (well not perfect movie heroes) but normal, good guys that do what they say, when they say and rarely deviate in their behaviour.
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female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?]  +, writes (26 November 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) I was in a relationship recently and I was the one making the effort and I thought he would too because he promised me he would. But I was proven wrong and I left him. This article is truly amazing and 100% valid. Thank you for this. :)
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female
reader, Lady in Love  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 i hope I've read this article a bit earlier than now!
great job, lesson learned professor.
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female
reader, viel  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 So true. I guess most women know this but closes their eyes because they refuse to believe they're being played on. Only later will they realize that no matter how tight they close their eyes, they still got the sense of feeling. They always end up asking why yet they know the reason all along.
This is a very nice article. Reminded me to wake up from a day dream for going into a relationship that I knew from the start is all a lie. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): To an outsider its clear when words are empty, to the person hearing them its all they need to forgive any behaviour.Emotions run deep and love is blind.
Until one day the doubts start and we listen to friends and what they are telling us, we ask for advice..but until that day comes everyones wrong,they dont understand,the things he says in private prove he loves us...
Hindsight is a wonderful thing
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Very well expressed.
A picture is indeed worth a thousand words. And talk is cheap.
It's always refreshing to hear this though.
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (13 June 2011):
Very well expressed.
A picture is indeed worth a thousand words. And talk is cheap.
It's always refreshing to hear this though.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Absolutely bang on...
Love the bit about 'the way to a womans heart...through her ears'...so true
well done!
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Great article and responses.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 December 2010):
 nice one Cerberus :) you're absolutely right, words are just words but what is it about us that forgets this when our silly love hormones kick in? I've noticed this seems to be a more common problem for women, or maybe men just don't talk about their experiences as much as we do?
x
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female
reader, x waz x +, writes (16 December 2010):
Good point, thanks, i will remember your words
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 December 2010):
Why just to "women" though? I could easily say the same thing for men regarding women.
Fact is - words are easy. Actions are difficult. Just all PEOPLE by the latter. Ignore the former.
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female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (8 December 2010):
 This is a very nice article. I like it and even shared with my friends who somehow encountered such problems in the relationship. I agree your post is an eye opener.
I hope you will post an article too about womanizers.
God Bless You!
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female
reader, cavwils12 +, writes (5 December 2010):
 Thank You for your help =) I really appreciate it. We will be going to couples counseling(it was his idea) after I told him I am moving out.
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female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 This is excellent, thanks.
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reader, Abella +, writes (3 December 2010):
 5 stars again Cerberus
And i agree with all that Cerberus said in his post..
And there are some really respectful kind loving guys out there. Girls please keep looking, because they are out there.
Yet so many girls settle for Strike Out guys, as i shall now attempt to demonstrate.
Every time i've had someone pour out their heart to me because they have been dumped, ignored, forgotten, or he's been unfaithful, or he's taken her for granted - but then the refrain, 'but he says he loves/ed me' my reply is 'look at his actions/behavior, before you think about his words'
He missed your birthday? Strike one
He speaks badly to you, humiliates you? Strike out again.
He gets into trouble regularly at work or fails to hold on to any job for long because of his poor attitude? But he blames everyone else, every time it happens. He sounds like a Strike Out guy to me. Who wants to have to pay all the bills, and all his bills as well because he'd rather sit on the couch all day, watching sport, eating pizza, drinking belching etc
While you work? Say 'no' to strike out guys.
He drives aggressively and irresponsibly and too fast, can't handle money, nor can he handle responsibilty? Strike out again.
He finds it impossible to remain faithful to you all the time? Strike out again.
He borrows money from his gf and just keeps forgetting to repay the money? Strike out again.
He's disrespectful and rude to his own family? This is who he is, despite his protests. Strike out again.
He turns up looking like something the cat dragged in, hasn't showered, and the girl has made a real effort to look nice for
the date? Strike out again
How many Strikes Outs against him does a girl need before she wakes up to the fact that she IS wasting her time? If all he is is a verbal seduction machine, then that's all he is.
The rest of him is rude, cruel, abusive and immature. His outer wrapping of seductive words to get a girl into bed counts for nought, if his core is rotten and if he's a guy full of strike outs.
That is also why girls should get to know a guy slowly, without sex, until she really knows him, very well, warts (npi) and all.
And if a guy threatens to drop a girl for refusing to agree to sex? refusing to allow intercourse/sex to commence in the relationship? Easy, he's signalled that sex now is what he really wants. It's all about the sex for him. He's trying to pressure this gf to do something she's not sure about, or not ready for, yet.
In these circumstances the outcome should be that the girl drops him immediately. He's already demonstrated that he's not a gentleman and he really only wants sex, which is not love, in the circumstances.
If He doesn't know, or doesn't care about your favorite color, favorite music, dreams and aspirations, hobbies, friends, moment in history, politics, beliefs, values, attitudes, author, type car, food, drink, holiday destination etc then he doesn't know you.
So really you are strangers.
But he has managed to get you into bed.
How did that happen?
Why allow a man you hardly know to enter your body? Well before you have agreed to do so? Is is because he says all the right things to push your buttons first? But now he's getting nasty because you have not yet capitulated to his words. You're wavering, after all his words sound pretty goods = his words seduced, but sex is all he really wants. He That's why he can breakup so easily and move to the next girl or girls.
A strike out guy could just go to a prostitute, but he'd have to pay. Or he could go to the easiest girl around, but she's no prize, because she'll agree to anything with anyone. She's no challenge, everyone has . So he's goes looking for any new girls who will give sex away for free. He's a Strike Out kind of guy.
Find a GoodGuy instead. Then you will enjoy a much more respectful and kind guy. The sort of guy you will willingly take to meet your family. And find that your family loves him too,
Good guys are found in the most unexpected places. Working hard, paying their bills, driving safely, enjoying their hobbies, studying hard, reading, improving their minds, travelling. Seeing the world. Not getting regularly drunk. Not getting into fights. Not doing drugs. They don't big note, they don't boast. They have regular friends who behave the same.
Cerberus is right on the money with his advice. Girls can save so much hearache by reading his gr8 advice first.
How many strike outs does a girl need to uncover about her bf, before she gets it? Strike Out guys are not really into you, except when he wants some sex.
And if a Strike Out can't get it from his gf, then often he knows a number of easy girls (his ex's who hope he'll come back) where he can go to, to get sex.
Only reason he especially wants it from his current 'gf' is that she has not yet agreed to allow him to have sex with her. If he's a Strike Out sort of guy, then once he gets sex it's only a matter of time before he'll leave. And that's when he spies a new mark who he thinks will quickly agree to sex with him.
Girls on finding that you have a Strike Out guy, end the relationship. And find a nicer more respectful guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): So true. Just generally actions speak louder than words
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (1 December 2010):
 well said!
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (1 December 2010):
 You're so wise.
You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.
:)
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Amen brother! Great article!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Brilliant article, and I wish I had read something like this long ago. I have been messed around by a guy who claimed to "love" me...yet his actions say otherwise. For so long I allowed myself to be strung along, and even lost a great deal of money in an effort to make it work. He has just sat back and played games, yet all the while claiming to "love" me.
A few months ago, I finally ended the ridiculous situation. I will be keeping your words in mind. That words need to be backed up by actions. That behaviour is more of a give-away of the truth than words. Thank you so much for this article.
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