A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hmm well i hope you can help ! iv been with my partner of 10 yrs now im 27 and she is 44 ,we have a son who is three and we love him to bits . unfortunately our relationship is very stale and even tho we laugh together and go out together as a family its not the same . For a start i know i dont love her anymore and god have i tried to rescue our relationship , our sexual side is non existen even tho i bought toys and books for us to share she plays her self , i just dont know how to communicate as im so scared to sit down and say the dreaded ,'honey we need to talk ' i need some advice on how we can seperate on mutual terms or how i start the conversation . i know if we never had our son we would be apart. please help me as im in a state . regards michael Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): You are feeling like you want to split up I believe because you have unresolve emotions that you have not expressed. You havent discussed them appropriately and more than likely feel rejected by your partner. You still love her as you are worried about hurting her feelings too. You need to sit down and discuss those feelings with her in a calm way. Talk about those feelings as if they belonged to someone else and dont take any comments she gives as a personal attack on you. It will allow you communicate meaningfully.
The issue you have is communication and as you are not communicating effectively you have unresolved issues which are generating feelings.
Learn to communicate without shouting or blaming, talk about the feelings as if the feelings are the main issue and not necessarily what people do because of those feelings. All the best
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 there is no easy way around this.
You can't help how you feel, and life is too short to live in a unhappy marraige.
YOu do need to sit her down and tell her exactly what you want and how you feel.
Just make sure to say it in a nice way without hurting her feelings. Don't put blame, or age into it.
You were very young when you got married to her. Tell her you didn't know yourself then, and that you've changed a lot. Whatever the case, she will be hurt, but better to be hurt this way, then be in a marraige where your husband doesn't love you. good luck
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (8 September 2008):
 I think you just have to be honest with her. You have outgrown each other but it will only be a split on mutual terms if she wants it too. She may be feeling the same and sigh a huge sigh of relief or she may take this quite badly being the older one in the relationship. If its not working though despite you trying then you are right to want to move on. You are just going to have to take the bull by the horns, be truthful with her without hurting her and start living your own life. I wish you luck x
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