A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thanksI just broke up with my bf yesterday and I'm feeling saddened that it had to come to this. We were together on and off for 3 yrs. We had issues yrs ago when I caught him cheating with two different women online one woman was his ex. I was extremely hurt and I ended things for about a yr. We started talking and got back together for a couple of years.During our time together he has had some trust, jealousy and possessive issues. I tried reassuring I loved him but he would still try and accuse me of being disloyal when I never was. It hurt and it also hurt when he would degrade me, the name calling made me nauseous. There were happy times too he could be very loving and caring which made me hopeful but realization kicked in and I knew I can't take his issues any longer.Through out our relationship hes done things that make me think that his accusatory nature stems more from his own guilt. He hangs out with his ex twice a week. He puts me down and defends her. He tries to be close to her children. I came out and asked if he still loves her. He said shes only a friend but he has cheated on me in the past with her and he still hangs out with her. I told him that his actions and words show me he still has something for her. He claimed he says nice things about her and bad things about me because he wanted to hurt me. My intuitive sense tells me different so I finally broke up yesterday. I explained to him I am seeking someone who will love me, trust me, and want me among other things. He then resorted to namecalling and I haven't heard from him since (thankfully) but I'm sure I will. After all hes done I still find it too easy to forgive him. How can I remain strong once he begins his apologetic stage?
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, got back together, his ex, jealous, puts me down Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Martine  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 Hi, I was in exactly the same position as you and am still working it though, but mostly over it. It's hard. There are good days and bad days, but I think given enough time and no contact what so ever, you will move on. PM me if you want to chat. xx
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (3 November 2013):
 Repeating advise already given but you cut all contact. You don't share children so it is simple. Block him on your phone or change your number. In moments of weakness, come back here and read your post. You did the right thing in ditching this guy. You need to be single for a bit, I think, to assess why you tolerated his bullsh*t. Good luck and stay strong.
...............................
A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (3 November 2013):
You did the right thing in dumping him.He sounds the abusive type and has cheating "form".You're better off without him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 November 2013):
 You ask: "How can I remain strong once he begins his apologetic stage?...."
Answer: You think to yourself: "This is the unfaithful dog that broke my heart on several occasions....and I'd be an idiot to let me guard down and let him get close to me again...."
That should do it....
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 November 2013):
Its a lot easier to simply block him and go no contact. No Facebook,Twitter, nothing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 November 2013):
 How do you remain strong? You CUT the contact 100%. You do not let him sweet talk his way back in.
Why did you keep doing that to yourself? Taking him back after what he did? And then putting up with him having trust, jealousy and possessive issues with YOU - when YOU did nothing wrong?
That is a way for him to control you, have you DOUBT your own actions (what did I do wrong) and not question his.
WHAT was in it for you?
Look at what you finally did! YOU stood up for yourself and dumped his ass.
GOOD FOR YOU!!
ACCEPT that he wasn't the good guy you WANTED him to be, ACCEPT that he never WILL be. ACCEPT that you dated a guy who though cheating is OK for him not for you. ACCEPT that you are READY to stop having a toxic relationship.
Don't talk to him, don't text. BLOCK his number, un-friend him from Facebook, REMOVE him from your life. If you have any of his crap at your place, pack it up tell a mutual friend of both of you (if there is one) to come pick it up.
Good for you!!
...............................
|
