A
female
age
36-40,
*ettyBoup
writes:I'm sorry this is long, but it's quite complicated. Please hear me out lol!I got back with my ex 3 days ago. We had been split up for 3 and a half weeks and had been going out for 1 year before we split. I really loved this man, I still do and I know he loved me because he asked me to marry him after 3 months and there was an immense connection between us. He made me laugh more than anyone and he has the most beautiful, genuine soul(don't want to get too sentimental here).The problem was that we were drifting apart. We were hurting each other with little things we said and did and we weren't communicating about it. In the end I got so frustrated I decided I had to leave him. After I did it I felt aweful. I know it's normal to think what if and regret it. I did really think I'd made a mistake but I was still angry and upset about the way he had been treating me so I tried to move on, as I'd made the decision. But I know I was equally to blame because I didn't communicate my feelings enough.To cut a long story short I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings about why I left him, because i couldn't get the words out when i split up with him. I appologised for not talking to him and for just leaving him. He hadn't contacted me since we split and I had only seen him in passing once when he avoided eye contact. Then at the weekend he was in the pub with a group of mutual friends who I went to meet. It was really awekward and I felt really nervous. It felt drawn to him like there was no one else in the room, just him. There is a lot more in between this but the next night he was in the pub again and I couldn't help my feelings for him so I sent him a text saying I'm sorry, I still love you, I'm so confused. I was drunk and it was a bit rash but I couldn't bear not talking to him because I think he's amazing. He sent me a text back saying I miss you and asked if i wanted to have a chat.So we talked and he said he was distancing himself because he though he wasnt good enough for me and that he was scared. We talked a lot and decided to give it another go. He said he meant it when he asked me to marry him and i was the most beautiful person in the world to him. I've never felt this way about anyone. Sometimes it has been hard to talk to him. I know this is because I find it really hard to open up to anyone. I am just not sure where to go from here. I really want to give this relationship another go but I know it will be difficult because of everything that has passed. There is still distance between us although we have had a good time this weekend and chatted a bit about our future. I just need some advise on how to make things better between us. I've never been in this situation before. I really don't want us to hurt each other again and let things go wrong between us. I'm just not sure how to get a good relationship with him again. I don't want to go back to our old patterns of not talking. I really want to make a go of this because its not everyday you meet someone who wants to marry you and I think you should grab love by the balls when you get the chance :)Any help would be greatly appreciated! :)
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female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 I think part of what will really help you two is time. It will take time for you two to repair what has happened before, it wont happen over one night or one conversation. You need to keep things open with him. Tell him how you feel. When you get frustrated with him, bite your tongue for a moment but dont just let things go. Thats how you end up really mad or frustrated because the other person just keeps on going and doing what bothers you. You definately need to keep the communication open with him so that he knows how you are feeling and he has the chance to prevent things in the future. Also, maybe it is a good time to talk about what bothered you before but make sure you tell him the good things too.No relationship is perfect, no one is perfect. There will always be things that you dont like about your partner but how you express it to him is what matters. If you dont tell him anything or you try to bite his head off, obviosly that wont work! So try to open up to him as it sounds like you two have something special!Good Luck!
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Straight up, I think that the root of your issues is the communication... or rather, the lack of proper communication skills between you. I think that you and your BF/fiancee need to learn to openly speak with each other. Let me recommend that you try to beef up your communication skills. Allow me to recommend the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The book itself is about rekindling the romance in married couples, but the book covers some great communication skills and why men and women sometimes have problems. I recommend you get it and read it, then let your BF/fiancee read it too.
Best of luck!! I know you can work out the differences between you!
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