A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused right now. I just got out of a 3 year relationship in college with someone I still unfortunately love. This has just been a very terrible year for me. By far worst year of my life. I am a biochemistry major in college. It all started last spring.I did not have a good spring. I was doing well in school, but all of a sudden I came down with the stomach flu and bronchitis for two months straight. My grades fell apart by the time finals were over. Also my ex gf started going regularly to the bars and parties several nights a week without me, with people I did not know. But I trusted her, I was only worried about her safety, nothing else. She would always come back and tell me several times a day how she loved me more than anything. She acted like she was in love. Also two weeks before finals I found out my father was diagnosed with cancer and my mother had internal bleeding and they did not know where it was coming from. This all was very hard on me since my parents are two of my closest friends so I decided to come home for the next semester to help them out at home. I did not want to regret not doing this if I ended up losing one or even both of them.I enrolled in online classes and took a job at a local pharmacy which allowed me to be home daily for them. Several months went by and I decided to quit my job so I would have more time to study. My father had surgery and was in remission at the time. I went back to school to visit my ex gf, took her a diamond pearl necklace I saved up for, I just felt bad that I was not there with her. I took her out to fancy restaurants and just tried to make up for being away for the semester. She acted so loving. She would call me everyday and tell me how much she loved me and how she missed me. I was doing well in my studies and had signed up for everything and planned on coming back. Then all of a sudden one night she calls me and tells me it was all an act. She had not felt anything for me for more than just months. She was with another guy. Looks like it was even going on last spring. I am so confused. How can a person just act so much for so long about something as serious as love? I just can not believe it. I trusted her so much. She did change completely over the past year, but I felt she was the same in heart. It just was apparently all an act. This is just so hard for me to get over. I am still in shock and this was two months ago. I just am the type of guy who would never even think about another girl. Sadly, this also happened to me in my high school relationship. Though the college one was much more serious.I just don't understand how I could have been so blind, such an idiot. Right after this my father found out his cancer spread and the doctors still have not found out what is wrong with my mother. I have now decided to transfer to a university closer to home. None have my major, so I have to switch to chemical engineering which will take me another year to graduate. This is a plus and a minus. I know I will be fine, but it just hard to see it right now. This just seems to happen so often in relationships. I am worried bc I am going to a new university where I do not know anyone. I want to make friends but I am worried I will struggle bc I feel that it will be hard for me to trust anyone right now. I am just so lost right now.What can I do to stop my confusion? What can I do to stop feeling love for someone so dishonest? How can I learn to trust again?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 You are not an idiot and you never saw it happening because you where preoccupied by helping out your parents, so don't beat yourself up or blame yourself, this was all her own doing and she was completely in the wrong. You are much better off without her. I know you find that hard to accept at the moment but believe me it could have been worse you could have settled down and married, had children and then find out she was two timing you. You are much better without someone like her in your life and in time you will see that.
Off course you still love her at the moment, it is all still very raw. But you need to drop full contact with her if you already have not done that. Get her out of your life completely. Yes your trust is broken at the moment, and it will take time to gain that back. But look at this new university as a new start. I know it will be scary but do not let yourself stop yourself from making friends or enjoying university. You are still young and you have so much stress in your life right now with your parents that you deserve some happiness. I wish you all the best in the future and hope that you heal fast.
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