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age
41-50,
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writes: OK. So my bf and I have taken two weeks off annual leave in the summer, August. He is fiercely independent and I always go for these types so I must like it. I couldn’t bear a guy who was needy. Anyway, we recently spent two whole weekends together, not doing anything in particular. I don’t earn loads and we are trying to buy a house so any extra money gets saved. So we didn’t get up to much but at times I started to feel bored and I felt he was too and had run out of things to say. I’m not the chattiest person in the world, I also don’t HAVE to spend loads of time with my friends and love being alone at times, and quiet and I adore the countryside and quiet places. My bf finds walks in the countryside boring and he enjoys visiting cities, I don’t as being around lots of people makes me anxious, unless I am in a pub drinking!Anyway, back to the issue. We have booked two weeks off. The thing is, he has been wanting to go away with his mates/mate for a while and it’s been over a year since he went off with any friends for more than a night out. I have started to feel that in these two weeks off it could be a good idea if we break the time up somewhat – he gets to go away with his friends and I may go off somewhere quiet on my own for a few days. And then we come back together and get to spend the last week together, maybe go camping as money is an issue at the moment? The reality is that we will still be spending most of the 2 weeks together just not all of it.Does this sound like a good idea? I know he’ll LOVE the idea, he loves it when I show independence but there is still a part of me that is thinking, ‘no, we booked the time off to spend it together and that is what we should do.’ But I am really worried he is going to get bored. We are planning to settle down together and I want things to last and I’m aware how important independence is to keep the spark going. At the same time does it not bode well that we struggle to spend chunks of time together or is this just natural? I am the type of person that anyone gets on my nerves after a period and I crave to be by myself after a bit, no matter how much I love them. we are also talking about going to India in February for 2 weeks, if circumstances will allow (I am trying to get pregnant). He has already mentioned to me that he wants to go to London to a one day/night festival with his best mate in the middle of the two weeks which, although I am having my own ideas of what I would like to do, has annoyed me!Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I would like to know if you think we should go for some separate time during this two week period.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 My thought is, do as you guys please.
A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (10 June 2011):
I think going away separately can be a great idea. My OH and I don't always share the same interests on what we like to do, which on a holiday can get annoying. It never seems like we have enough time off anyway, and therefore I always think it's important to spend it doing something you really want to do, rather than perhaps spending it together just for the sake of it. We don't have any qualms with the other one doing something on their own if they like.
How about you compromise and go on a short break somewhere together, but also do some of your own things as well over the rest of the 2 weeks?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Our son and his wife take seperate vacations every year...seems to work just fine. I wish I could do that, we take No vactions at all so it's not an issue. Who can afford a vacation anymore?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 June 2011):
 It is just insecurities that mean people need to be together 24/7, and then the media that pushes this idea along to make it worse. We see hollywood movies where couples finally get together and then they are inseperable, they are best friends and are each other's worlds. That is nice if you can find it, but in 99% of real relationships, thats not the case yet for some reason us girls still fall for the hollywood love story every time then wonder why our own relationships dont match up.
The reality is that if a person, or couple, feel the need to live out of each other's pockets that is an indication that a) the person or couple are needy and have some deep rooted issues about being alone and b) they are often jealous, insecure and have trust issues. None of these things are good things, yet for some reason the media still push the idea that it is amazing if you spend all your time together, but to me it is just an indication of some serious problems! If you are independent yet can come back together and be happy when you are together, then that to me is the perfect relationship.
I believe in being an individual, maintaining your sense of identity and even when you are in a relationship, there is no reason why this should stop! If you can get 2 individuals who can be happy together as a couple then that is a good relationship and you have a recipe for success.
It sounds like you and your man have a good thing here, dont worry about what society and the media might try and make you believe - I think you are doing the right thing and they are the ones who are wrong!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Aunty Abzy. Ahhhh, a spa break would be AMAZING!! I could so do with that right now but I can't really afford it. I'll have to look at my finaces, I dont earn loads. I've actually texted one of my best mates that I went to school with to see if she fancies going camping in Dorset for a weekend. We usually have fun togther. If she does not want to, then I might just bugger off by myself. A spa break would be so cool though, I am soooo stressed!!
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female
reader, Aunty Abzy +, writes (10 June 2011):
 i think it would be a fantastic idea for you's to go away seperatly, there is nothing stopping you's spending a few days together before he goes and after he comes back.
Space is the key to a growing relationship ! if you's spend too much time together (2 weeks ) it could ruin your relationship in the long run.
Why not get your self away with the girls or on your own to a spa out in the country and relax without your man :)
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female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I think you should do what you said in this question. Sounds like a good idea and I think bothe will enjoy it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Yeah, that has helped loads. It's true what your saying, about all these 'shoulds' in relationships. I even have friends who seem to think there is something wrong if you are not wanting to be togther the whole time and gazing at eachother adoringly 24/7. I mean, I used to have massive expectations of my bfs, I was really high maintenence, and I always got dumped so I've learnt to chill out.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 June 2011):
I think in your case it is totally fine that you holiday seperately, he sounds like an independent guy and you are happy to have some time to yourself, so there is no reason why you should force yourselves to spend a full 2 weeks together simply for the sake of it.
2 weeks together, spending 24 hours a day together is a VERY long time and most couples would get bored or annoyed with each other! I know my boyfriend and I cant spend more than about a full week together on holiday, if we did we would go mad! I love him but I like my space too, 2 weeks together every day would be too much! We have recently come back from a week abroad and it was lovely, but I was looking forward to going back to work to actually have some time with other people than just him!
You said it yourself - you will be spending most of the 2 weeks together, so it is totally fine to have a little break at somepoint in those 2 weeks where you go off and do seperate things. Plus it will give you plenty to talk about, and missing each other is always nice and makes it even better when you are back together again.
Some couples are joined at the hip, and other couples are more independent and have their own lives. There is nothing wrong with either, as long as both partners are happy with the situation. If you are both happy having seperate holidays, then by all means go ahead and do what feels right for you, dont worry about strangers or what they might think, or what is supposed to be the 'norm' in relationships. If you think he will be happy with the idea and you will enjoy the time to yourself, it sounds perfect and there is no reason not to do it. Just because the media portays couples who cant get enough of each other doesnt mean that real life relationships work that way, every relationship is different and needs to be treated differently in order to make it work.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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