A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, how I’m going to start this. I read some of “my boyfriend has a wife” discussion and I’m in the same situation now. We start as a friend since then all of our friends knew that his separated to his wife. He has a kid, and that is the only thing connected to his wife. We start dating and been together for 2 months now. I had a lot of relationship also but I never found a guy same like him. He so sweet, lovable, caring person I ever knew. He treats me as a princes and I’m crazy fell in love with him. Suddenly I found out that his wife stays with him. I’m not this kind of lady that I will treat myself as a mistress. I ask him for an explanation. He told me that he took her back for the sake of a child, he really love his child and as he told me he’s not happy anymore to his wife and he want to continue his relationship with me. At this time he cannot diverse his wife because if he did the custody of the child will be on his wife and he don’t want that happen. In addition our relationship is not about sex, we cuddle, laugh, enjoy each other company, doing crazy things, laugh out loud, watching tv, ect. Ect. So I cannot say that it’s all about sex. At first I knew that it is wrong so please if you don’t have something to say to help me don’t comment at all, I had enough words I heard to all of my friends so please I don’t need more crappy words. I wrote here co’z I need an advice of others that it can help me, I really need your opinion so please help me do so before I made a wrong decision.
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divorce, fell in love, mistress Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 Good luck! Don't maintain contact with him, just tell him it's over and that's all you need to do. No explanations or justifications are necessary. You owe him nothing more than the news that's it's over.
If he goes through a divorce and has the documentation to prove it, only then can he contact you. Make that crystal clear.
Draw your boundaries and STICK TO THEM. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your comments I appreciate all of it and it helps me a lot, now it’s too clear for me that I must to leave him. Yes it’s true, it gonna be hurt but that is the right thing to do. I hope you help me go through with it, and please pray for me to be strong on this process.
Thank you DearCupid.ORG you helping a lot of people same like me confuse and looking for an answer in their life’s. It’s a pleasure to be part of this organization.
More power!!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (15 May 2013):
 Okay no crappy words :) How about reality? ‘Cause I think this man is quite clever and you would be incredibly gullible to believe his excuses!? And in only 2 months he’s already got you eating out of his hands! Think about this, even though “he’s not happy anymore with his wife”, “he took her back”; one would naturally assume they’d have a sex-life with each other OR has such arrangement been made for the next 15 – 20 years of their marriage to abstain/withhold sex from each other? Either way it doesn’t make sense for you to stay. He ‘acts’ all very noble – for the sake of his child when he in actual fact is deceptive!?For me, if that doesn’t spell out a position for a ‘Mistress Wanted’ I don’t know what does… Like you said yourself, you will not be treated as such. So don’t settle for Princess when you should be treated like a QUEEN!? Kiss this Toad good-bye!Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (15 May 2013):
 I would end the relationship. You're wasting your time, married men rarely ever leave their wives and now he is saying that he is staying with his wife for the sake of their child? I don't believe a person should sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their child. That just let's the child grow up in a relationship of hate and resentment and when the child grows up he/she will think that it's normal.
I know its really hard to leave someone you love, but if you stay in this relationship you'll be sacrificing your own happiness. You deserve someone who is going to make you their priority and the ability to spend as much time with you as they want, without worrying what their wife is thinking while he's gone. Seriously consider leaving him. We accept the love we think we deserve. You deserve so much more. Go after it, because with how happy you are right now, think of how happy you'll be with someone who isn't married or already in a committed relationship.
Good luck to you and I really do hope everything works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 May 2013):
I would end the relationship, if it were me. Married men make lousy boyfriends. They never can join you for major holidays, you spend most nights and weekends alone. The children and wife, heck, even the family dog, come before you on his priority list.
He's groomed you nicely to fill the mistress spot, and you're only 2 months into it. That's good, you haven't invested too much time and emotion yet.
Is that your big dream, your life's ambition? To be a mistress to some guy?
I know, he's lovely and cuddly and sweet and treats you like a princess. He's supposed to. You are the sexual outlet primarily but that doesn't mean he can't throw you some scraps of affection from time to time.
Aren't you worth more than this role he's designed for you?
I would hope you think you are.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 May 2013):
 My aunt was the mistress of a man who would not leave his wife for 25 years. He died, she could not publicly mourn him.
she lives alone now in her 70s no children to care for or love her, parents gone, siblings and niece and nephew out of touch.
that is your future if you stay with this man.
my advice is that you open your eyes and realize that what a man SAYS means so much LESS than what he does.
and what he does to you is make you his cheap piece on the side.
I do not know the laws where you are but here, if a father wants joint custody of his child(ren) then all he needs is a decent lawyer and a clean record. (and usually that means no adultery on the side)
NOTE that his wife can NAME you in the divorce when she wants one and drag your name in as the cause of the divorce.
do you want that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): You were a rebound girl, someone to fill a void. And now, you are "the other women". Get out and get out now.
If he wants to continue seeing you, even though he is back together with his wife, he is a lier and a cheater as well. As hard as this all is, and you are the one who is getting the short end of the stick, you need to be strong, get a backbone and remove yourself from this entire situation. If he was a man with a spine, he would do the same, but he's weak and wants his cake and eat it too.
It's going to hurt for a while, but it's the right thing to do and you will be glad you did down the road. You want to get involved with a man who is legally and emotionally single, not still dealing with an ex. You want a man who can include you in all of his life, not just some of it, or what he will only let you see.
There are never any reasons, excuses or justifications for cheating on your spouse. Just keep in mind that if he is willing to do this with you being the other women, he will likely cheat on you down the road as well. If he realizes what he's saying is wrong, and backs off as well, he might be okay. When this man is divorced and all this is behind him, THEN perhaps you can reconnect if the two of you are meant to be. Until then, stay far, far away and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for, since you know being a mistress is wrong, and since you never wanted to be one. Are you hoping to find someone who'll tell you that it is a good idea staying and adjusting to play second fiddle for who knows how long , and being kept a secret always waiting for the axe to fall on your love story ?...
It seems to be all about his child. What about yours ?
" But I don't have any child "- you'll say.
Exactly. Neither are you going to have one in future, if you waste a long time on this affair.
Don't you want your own child, don't you want your own MAN that you don't have to share ?..
Two months is still early, you still can get out with relatively minor damage, the more you stay , the harder will be when you'll have to let go. And, probably, it won't even be your choice- you'll just get ousted without too many compliments when the wife smells a rat and decides that, unhappy or not, her marriage does not have room for a third party.
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