A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know where to start I've been stressed, depressed,hurt,and confusedOK, SO I have always had problem with my husband's mother and sister from the very moments I started dating their son/brother and from the moment my husband(boyfriend) at the time moved to my city to be with me they have been trying to pressure him into moving home or at least get my Bf and I to decide to move back to their cityThree years passed during that time we got married and I had a great moving up the ladder at my job and eventually managing the store and I loved working there and loved the people I worked with and eventually i knew a time would come where we would have to leave for his school and just leave my home town as it was lacking in jobs on his part and not providing his course he wanted to take for plumbing SO we decided to move 2:45 hours away from my town and it's about 3 and half hours away from his mother's house(which was great we both wanted to be away from family drama)we literally spent thousands on a cute little town house for the year so we would not have to worry about rent while he was in school everything was hunky dory UNTIL his sister got hired by a plumber to do his marketing AND OF COURSE she took that opportunity to take advantage of her position by telling my husband she could possibly get him a job or at least talk to the guy knowing full well my husband makes great first impressionsNow he has thrown school out the window and finding a job out the window and now he wants to throw our money out the window(he have only been here 6 months) to try to get into working with this guy here's the worst part..I REFUSE TO GO WITH HIM! i will never set foot into that damn city to live and i know our marriage will fail from being to close to his mother and sister so he told me he will just talk to the guy chances of the guy hiring him are slim and he just wants to know how the guy ended up where he is at now and he would look for a plumbing job here in our city first and we even talked about doing long distance as a very LAST resort meanwhile he was telling his sister the exact oppositehow do i know this? for some reason the other day i had the urge to look at his messages on his phone and i never get paranoid like that but i did so i looked and saw he was telling his sister he can't wait to meet the guy he will love him and he can't wait to spend more time with her boyfriend (the have some kinda bromance going on) if he gets to moves backI automatically felt betrayed and hurt so i confronted him later on that day and he straight up told me he was sorry and that he was playing her and just telling her what she wanted to hear so i ate it up and everything was hunky dory againwell tonight we got talking again and apparently the guy's employees are being disrespectful to him and he slipped up saying he hopes he has it in his favour that the guy is mad at his workers and thinks my husband would be a good respectful worker so who is he playing me or his sister because at this point it really seems to me like he is playing mewe have done long distance before at the beginning of our relationship and it didn't work, BUT don't get me wrong i would do it again if i absolutely had to and not only that i would be left alone here no family at all in this city and i don't have a a full licence yet or a car i can actually drive(his is standard)seriously if i had of known he was going to do this i would have never let him spend 10 grand on this place and i would have never left my great job back home I'm so frustrated and mad right now i have no idea what to do with this situation or even know how to go about dealing with this he says he doesn't want to move back home but his messages say other wisewhat am i suppose to believe...does he actually want to leave his wife alone in a city and move back in with his mother?and why isn't he sticking to our plan by trying to find a plumbing job here first? does he really want to be away from me that bad?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I am glad that things are looking up. I hope that this continues. Thank you for the follow up.
Good Plumbers are a gift and customers will be loyal to them. I call our Plumber a "dream" and I don't mean his looks. (he his no oil painting but he is utterly reliable)
What I mean are these things that cause me to call this 'Dream and a Joy' plumber over and over again for our plumbing jobs:
1. He is well mannered and courteous
2. He is very tidy and cleans up after he has done a job
3. He explains what he is going to do and why
4. He arrives on time.
5. He lets me know immediately a bigger problem is detected and lets us decide of the options he presents us with
6. He sticks to the original quoted price always
7. He works by recommendation alone. Never needs to advertise. When I asked around five other neighbours recommended him
8. He asked me if it would be OK to smoke his cigarrettes (and I mean OUTSIDE !) and advised me that he never smokes inside a home.
9. If he has a build up of one too many jobs and cannot take on a job he suggests reliable plumbers he knows (at one time he was roofing a factory so he advised his regulars in advance)
10 He is always postive and never grumbles and never swears.
11. His prices are always reasonable.
12. He never talks down to me.
In a word he is a Joy and a Dream of a Plumber
His really nice wife loves him too.
Pass on the list to your lovely husband:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update as of the appointment to meet this plumber I guess this guy told my husband that he should go to the school we initially planned on going to and he told him the in's and out's of the business and what he should do AFTER he get's his course done
he spend probably a good S100on gas. clothing attire and a hair cut on this meeting
He also told his sister that he really just wanted to stay in our town that we live in now and really try to make it work as a plumber here instead and she seemed to really get the point
After he kind of talked to me about this i get why he wanted to meet this guy because i understand that he needed to know first hand what he was going to get into as a career that will be supporting us financially in the future and i guess it really helps for recommendations in this trade if you know someone i understand that now i think i just got caught up in being paranoid he was going to willingly leave me in this city alone (which wad a possibility depending on how the meeting went)
My stress levels have went back down now that i know he will be continuing school here and looking for a job here in the future and I cross my fingers this guy doesn't offer my husband a job in the future but i guess time will tell and i can't worry about what might happen in the future right now and should deal with it when it comes or if it comes
i really appreciate the advice you have given me and I told him i should be first now that we are married and i deserve respect and an input and equal say on where we live and what we do and what is to be decided in our marriage and future decisions he says he understand and he apologized for acting immature but again time will tell
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 August 2012):
if he was determined to respect you then he would refuse the interview and not allow it to go ahead.
He is disrespecting you to even go ahead with the interview and playing into the manipulative hands of his sister.
Spell it out to him before the inrerview the consequences of him losing you.
Do not fight in front of his sister.
His sister does not care if she causes you to break up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question we are supposed to go to his mom's house today so he can talk to this guy his mother wont be there she is gone on a vacation so that helps a bit so i guess all i can do is sit and wait to hear what this guy says because i told him to not talk to this guy and he still didn't listen so if he offers my husband an opportunity to work for him and then figure out what's going to happen...because if he does decide to take the job right away i guess i have some thinking to do
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbella, you are very right on this one and i really needed someone to just tell me how it should be
and to fix a mistake a wrote he have actually been together for 5 years and married a year in june
his mother and sister have always been manipulative and he seemed to be extremely happy getting out of there house but it seems to me every time he is around them he falls back into being manipulated he will literally sit there and tell them what they want to hear right in front of me and sometimes i am brave enough to call him out in front of them and other times i wait till we are alone and call him out
he tends to sweep a lot of stuff under the rug he is completely different when we are at home and our lives are drama free and he tells me he likes not being around them so much and he even says his mom annoys him we get along great and then eventually something happens regarding his mother and sister like it usually does and then we just fight..or more or less i sit there and try to get him to listen to me (so i guess in a sense it's a type of nagging) but i only nag when it has something to do with them because i feel like i can't win plus i feel like i'm in no place to say anything because this is my husbands family and he makes me feel like i should just except them
and don't get me wrong after we got married his mom seemed to come around to liking me more and i don;t mind being around both of them when there is no drama but that is rare
and when she comes to my house he nags the crao out of how it looks..and it makes me feel like "how dare you come to my house and pick at my house cleaning skills because i don't go to yours and point out your flaws in cleaning"
but i never say it because i have spoken out before and it ended up with me and his mom fighting and my husband(boyfriend) at the time taking her side and i ended up storming out of her house and once he caught up with me i demanded to go home and i didn't speak or go near her for 6 months
and being married now i feel like ww3 would irrupt if i did say anything to them and i would have no back up
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 August 2012):
Your Husband's First loyalty is to you and he had better realise this really soon or he will lose you.
Sit him down. Explain to him that if and Employer has multiple staff who are not happy with the boss then the guy is NOT a boss to consider. How can all the employees be wrong.
Ask him to try to be more courageous and stand up to his pushy sister.
And tell him to stop wasting his time and money 'playing' his siser. Since if he will play her then he will play you too.
His first loyalty to his mother and sister stopped the day he married you.
Now it is time for the two of you to make a success of where you are now.
Develop some shared interests. Be too busy to visit his Mom and sister while they try to drive a wedge between you and him.
Your sister in law is NOT your friend. Though it is also important to ensure that you try not to become the nagging wife from hell.
You have been doing so well since you stopped being a LDR couple.
Try not to give your mother-in-law and your sister-in-law the satisfaction of knowing they broke you upthe two of you as a couple. Because apart from Mother in law and sister in law - the two of you sound like a good team
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