A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey there! I've been with my fiancé for a year now and we will get married in the Fall. I love him deeply and so does he. One little thing is bothering me though... at the beginning of our relationship he went down on me a lot and then he stopped. Yesterday I told him I really miss that and he said "You know, it's not really my thing, I don't do that very often". It really sucks cos I loved it when he did it to me and I always go down on him even though it's not my thing because I really love to see him enjoying it that much! Sorry if I've been to graphic or vulgar, I didn't mean to. Anyway... what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 CHIGIRL as usual is very very wise and very correct...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Well, this teaches all of us something about getting engaged before you really know the person. And then, it also teaches you something important about getting married: there are ups and downs and you can't expect someone to stay at a constant. People do change over time. Maybe in two years he'll go back to performing cunnilingus with great pleasure and joy, but then again maybe he wont.
What surprised me, and what you should ask him, is why he stopped. I mean it might not be his "thing" now, but it obviously was his thing before, as he did it. Or does he mean to say that every time he went down on you he disliked what he did? Try to get some clarifications on that. Get to know if he absolutely dreads it, for whatever reason, or if he likes doing it but occasionally. Then figure out of you can live the rest of your life with this sex life or not.
No doubt though.. your sex life will probably change over time, and have low's and high's. When getting married you have to deal with the downs and ups alike. But if he is seriously against going down on you he should have told you so up front, and now I think he owes you a little explanation.
Then again.. you should also be a bit understanding. If he doesn't enjoy doing it then what sort of joy will you get out of it if he does do it despite his wish? If you try to "force" him to do it then you wont enjoy it anyway. The only way to deal with this is to accept it and enjoy it when he does do it (because then you know he does it because he also wants it), or to end the relationship. It seems like something small to end an otherwise good relationship over. Although, there's a difference in him never doing it, and him rarely or seldom doing it.
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male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (20 April 2012):
For me - if there is something you dont liike doing in a relationship but you love the person, you communicate openly but STILL do it because its a way of showing love. giving without the need for getting something in return is the core of a loving relationship. this man doesnt sound like he's thinking of you as much as he should.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (20 April 2012):
Make sure you are nicely showered, shaved or close trimmed, and go for 69. Unless he is a real prude he wont complain. If he does you would have to wonder what his issue is. Better still, ask him, nicely. Dont get stressed over it but just tell him how hot it makes you feel, hopefully that will turn him on and you will have a marriage full of joy, and orgasms. Good luck.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2012):
 I wouldn't play the tit for tat game either. Honestly I do not like to receive oral, but I don't mind giving it. I don't "love" it but I love how it makes him react.
I would talk to him. If he isn't a fan of giving and you aren't a fan of giving, maybe put the oral on the back burner, sometimes that makes it more interesting. A simple 69 can also pep it up a little.
As for smelling/tasting good down below.. Well, eat fruit every morning - mango ( can go with unsweetened mango juice) pineapple, strawberries for instance, but MORE importantly is maintaining a good hygiene and a neutral PH balance down below. Yogurt with live cultures can help with this and of course probiotics and DO not douche with "pretty smelling stuff".
Coffee, cigarettes and red mean can make it taste more on the bitter side.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): Complicated...this entire domain of oral sex. I think neither of you should do what you don't really enjoy doing. Stop oral sex altogether. There are plenty of couples who don't do the oral sex routine. Have vaginal sex. Simple! I think when someone does something that they don't enjoy at all but do it only for the sake of the other person, resentment begins to grow. Don't let that happen. Tell him that you don't like going down on him either (and not because he won't go down on you) and arrange to cut out that part of your sex life. It's not a big deal, really.I have similar issues. I don't like going down on my boyfriend which is why I don't and he likes going down on me and I let him do it sometimes but I don't like it being done to me. So maybe somewhere down the road, we'll have to find a way that eliminates the possibility of anyone feeling resentful or cheated so that we can have a healthy sex life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): I fully agree with Sageoldguy1456: He is completely self-centered.
Sex is amazingly important in a relationship, and if he doesn't want to consider your needs, he is completely not considering you.
Also: who wants a guy who doesn't like to eat pussy anyway?
I also do oral on my GF. I love it. And the more you do it, the more you like it!
On the other note: you might want to check yourself to!
Maybe your not eating healthy? -- could cause nasty smells...
Maybe you gained a few pounds too much? Lost your sex appeal?
Maybe you have some yeast infection going on? Checked between you legs recently?
Ok, anyway, Good luck!
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (20 April 2012):
I cannot disagree more with the advice given by some here. Issuing ultimatums... "I'll only go down on you if you go down on me"... is childish. It creates conflict and doesn't work toward a permanent solution. There are more creative and less confrontational ways to address this issue.
OP, why don't you try suggesting the 69 position? I'm a fan of giving oral (obviously not all guys are, but I think many do) so I've never needed an incentive. However, if your man is being pleasured at the same time he's pleasuring you, that may be enough for him to agree to it. At the same time you'd be spicing up your sex life!
Beyond that, if a man (or woman) just really isn't into oral sex then I'm afraid there's no real long term fix. Threats and ultimatums may break him down temporarily, but if he doesn't want to do it then eventually he's going to stop again. However, I feel that gives you a green light to find other acceptable ways to enjoy sex with him. Perhaps incorporating a vibrator into your play, for example.
As a final thought, women do the same exact thing. Those who don't enjoy giving oral will do it for a while, but when they feel it isn't necessary to maintain the relationship they stop. I'm not saying the OP would be that way, but many women are. I think it's just basic human nature. If there's something we really don't want to do and we derive no pleasure from it, we stop doing it eventually.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): ............find another way buy a toy or two he can use instead ..simple
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 April 2012):
If you don't like giving him blow jobs then you tell him that it's really not your thing and don't do them.
And tell him exactly what YouWish has said.
Personally I hate the whole "I'll do you IF you do me thing" but in this case since NEITHER of you like to perform the act of oral on the other, tit for tat may be the only option to get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): I also found this to be true with the guys I dated. They go down on you at first only to impress you and get oral done to them. In a matter of a few months, it stops. Quite common.
I found other sexually fun things to do in order to keep me happy. Explore other options and keep it interesting. You say you love him? It's hard to find a good guy out there so hold on to him tightly. =)
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 April 2012):
 How ironic that you can reveal your disdain for doing oral for him..... but keep doing it because you want to pleasure him.... BUT, he tells you of his disdain for reciprocating, and ceases doing it....
I'd say that that tells you just about all you need to know about this man as a "long-term," or "permanent" partner...
He's revealed to you his self-centeredness and his lack of real concern for you... You need only to decide if you want to live with that, indefinitely/forever, or if you want to go on with your life - without him - and find a man with whom you have more sexual compatibility...
Good luck...
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Good sex is about pleasuring one another.
Tell him you wont go down on him and see how he feels.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Heh. You do know why he did it a lot in the beginning, right?? Unfortunately, a number of men do things in order to get a "payoff", meaning he was doing it in order to get something from you. However, now that you're established, he doesn't see any additional payoff from doing it, since you're doing it to him, sex is regular, and he's secure in that.
The solution is to make it a "payoff". This means that if he wants it, he has to give it. Don't go down on him until you get yours first, plain and simple. It's not a power struggle, but merely an incentive to him to make it his "thing", because not many of us go down on a guy because it's our "thing"....we do it to make him feel good.
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A
male
reader, anonymous12345150 +, writes (20 April 2012):
stop going down on him, that will make him think again
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