A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for over a year now. in the beginning of the relationship, things were fine. i was in high school and he was in college. neither of us were quite financially sound (hey, we're students), so it wasn't an issue. present day: we're both enrolled in college. i applied for several competitive scholarships and managed to get a few. he is on one financial aid and is struggling financially to pay for books and things. now for a long while there yes, whenever he was in town he paid for all my dinners, my drinks, my movie tickets, he drove 200 miles to see me, and would pick me up/ drop me off every night.i am aware that we are a bit financially unbalanced now, and since i have tried to pay for myself as much as possible, and even have gone out of my way to pay for his meals a few times. other than christmas gifts he bought me, all i can remember him really spending on me is our dinner/ movie tickets for our anniversary and maybe a fastfood order somewhere that was a few dollars. we've had this talk before, and he's said that he doesn't mind driving me, but that the more we could go dutch the better, and i have been trying to do so. but now he is also wanting to stop driving me and have me meet him in town. i don't know how to feel about it. i understand, and i feel guilty for asking so much of him, but i mean. i pay for myself on almost everything. is it wrong of me to at least want to be driven around? i need male AND female opinion on this please! thanks. 3
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male
reader, JamesBond007  +, writes (14 June 2010):
A man worth half his salt will always pay. The ones that say it should be 50/50 are the ones looking for one night stands on the internet, they're cheapskates, they don't value women and are almost ALWAYS under the age of 30. The next time a man (or woman) for that matter, says it should be 50/50, show them the facts. It's a sad truth that women are NOT paid equal to men in this society. The women who think they are being 'independent' by paying are being brainwashed by the immature men on the internet, telling them this! If men make 70% more on the dollar and a woman thinks she should pay 50/50 on a date because it's equal, well, get that woman a calculator!! If a man wants, values and respects a woman, HE will pay. If you feel you are worth it, find a man who feels the same. I would only have a woman pay for me if she were a platonic friend or related. Men today don't know how to treat women and its sad watching the next generation of females accepting this and thinking it's okay. It's not. If he's a REAL man, he'll pay.
A
female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (23 February 2010):
 Of course it IS lovely to be treated once in a while, but this is a long more committed relationship now and these are not solely dates that he initiated.
If your boyfriend was on more money than you, would you still go dutch?
You are studying in college and are clever enough to have earned several competitive scholarships. When you finish college and get a job; presume that you begin working at a desk next to a man with less experience, fewer qualifications, who puts in less hours and spends ever increasing lengths of time chatting at the photocopier.
How would you feel if HE gets paid more than you, HE gets bigger payrises, better Christmas bonuses, and of course HE gets a company car. Oh, and when that chance of a big promotion comes up... why are you even trying, eh??
After all- this man probably has a girlfriend and he needs to pay for her dinner as well as his own (-this night and ever after!)
Do you believe in equality?
Your boyfriend is struggling to even buy BOOKS! Do you want him to sacrifcie stationary too so that he can afford petrol to save you getting the bus?
Honestly- do you love him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Since you're making more money now, do you own a car? Can you offer to do the driving every other time? It sounds to me like he's struggling financially, but also trying to be financially responsible. Better to have a guy who's responsible with money than one who just buys you lots of gifts on his maxed-out credit card.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, as it is right now, i do have more income than he does, both in my employment and my scholarships. i guess he thinks naturally since i have more money, i'd be balancing us out by paying more often. i keep thinking that once he's graduated from college and has a steady job that pays better, this won't be so big of an issue. he is money conscientious, but he kind of has to be because he's paying for his own books, tuition, food, etc. i understand where he is coming from, but at the same time, i've been raised with that mindset that the guy is the gentleman, not the girl! everything else in our relationship seems to be going pretty well. i see him all the time, he treats me good, etc. this has put a bit of a riff between us the past little bit though.any other advice on this?? i really do care about him, and i do feel loved in every other aspect than this.
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A
female
reader, blueyedgirl +, writes (28 December 2009):
 I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like you need a new boyfriend!!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 Well once you go dutch, you never go back (look at the flag)
This can be a sensitive subject but by making it an issue I think he is signaling the wrong intentions.
If you are dating a girl and are thinking of the bill, you got the wrong focus.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2009):
Move on from this guy. It's one thing to go dutch, but it's another to make your girlfriend feel guilty about it. You can do better than him.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (28 December 2009):
I will get flack for this from the guys but there is nothing worse than a stingy boyfriend. Ofcourse its great if you pay for some dates and stuff but if he is now going to the levels where he actually asks that you pay, plus won't even pick you up?! Come on, this stingy guy is a joke. It has always been the gentlemanly thing for a guy to cover the costs of a date, spoil you etc. You paying for stuff is voluntary. In fact, when you offer to pay he should be protesting! This guy is cheap! Bottom line, date him if you like his company, but in later years when you are now getting married, don't go for a stingy guy. Because when you are incapacitated with a pregnancy, he will expect you to go back to work after 2 weeks, and probably will expect you to pay your maternity medical bills; after all, it was YOU in hospital not him!!
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