A
female
age
51-59,
*amIam
writes:I'm sure this question has been asked and answered a hundred times, but I have to ask.I've been dating a man for three years. I thought our relationship was exclusive. We had the talk. We agreed. Time and time again I had suspicions but every time he talked me out of it, told me I was paranoid, crazy, over reacting. I discovered that I was right. He has been carrying on with one woman consistently the entire time we've been together. It is very obvious that she does not know he has a GF. And she is often heartbroken over his back and forth. In other words she and I are in the same boat. I also discovered that he has been seeing prostitutes, some women and some shemales. Yes I will leave him and yes I am on my way to get tested for everything he could have brought home to our bed. But I really want to tell the other women, not because I am mad at them but because we have all been hurt and shared this horrible sexual history. I worry if I contact them that they will not listen or that he will do something to harm me. What should I do?
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heartbroken, prostitute, sexual past, shemale Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SamIam +, writes (1 February 2011):
SamIam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMid 40s.
A
male
reader, harpreet928  +, writes (28 January 2011):
you already made right decision
but just as curiosity
how old was your boyfriend ?
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A
female
reader, SamIam +, writes (24 January 2011):
SamIam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your very encouraging feedback. I got tested today and have fingers crossed. Unfortunately even safe sex doesn't keep everything, well safe. I feel so gross I wish I could peel my skin off.Clarification. In addition to me he has been dating another woman on and off for 2 years. He also appears to have one-five night flings with a few others, and then there are the prostitutes. I know about three and assume there are more. I was only going to contact the main woman he's been carrying on with. If I didn't think it was illegal and embarassing to me I'd take out a full page ad in the paper!The proof I have is printed copies of emails. I was cleaning and found them and feel like a I was wrong to take them but I did because I am afraid he will make me out to be a liar. I shouldn't care, but I do. I'm so sad and terrified but your comments really help.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 January 2011):
Wow! I think even if you were mad, she has a right to know. I would think she'd be appreciative if you told her that besides him having what you thought to be a relationshp with you, he's also been sleepig with prostitutes and shemales! The dude is sick.
I agree with the others. Get whatever evidence you can that way you have at least some proof of what he's been up to and he can't turn it around saying you're crazy and making it up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I agree, you definitely need proof before you tell her.
This guy is disgusting and you are right to be concerned for your health and this other woman's.
Find as much evidence as you can then tell this woman what has been going on because she will need to get tested for anything he may have given her.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Yes, they deserve to know, and if you don't tell them who will you shuff the responsibility on to.
Your health department might, but ONLY if you have an STD, and you can't rely on them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Yes, tell them/her in a way that they will know you are being truthful. They deserve to know who they are dealing with and they need to take steps to protect their health if he did not use protection with them.
I'm not sure if they're all prostitutes except for the other long term woman? It may not be necessary or possible to tell them. I'm not sure. If you've found all of this out I guess you have evidence to show the other gf.
Give them details that will prove your relationship with him which I guess is the primary one.
Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2011):
 GROSS! First of all, I'm sorry you got mixed up in this filthy guy. I hope you got yourself tested for STD's.
Normally, I wouldn't advise talking to his other girlfriend, but if you worry about her safety, then you should. However, and this is big. You won't be able to just *tell* her. Your ex will convince her that you're some psycho who has a vendetta for revenge.
You need to show her indefensible proof of what he is up to. She still might not listen to you, but you need to show her proof that he can't twist and lie himself out of.
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