New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login239611 questions, 1059312 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

He's back with her and I'm hurting. What can I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 July 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

They were together for 2 years and they haven't really had a no contact period. Well, she stopped talking to him for two months and when she hit him up when she visited town he lashed out at her and said "You haven't talked to me in two months! What if I was in the hospital?!" Then proceeded hanging out with her. They got drinks and he asked her if she wanted to see his dad? I also found out he took her to his mothers house and before all this happened he kept all of her things she left behind like her little nightstand, her lamp, and her clothes. Her nightstand is by his bed and her lamp is in his room as well. It's been a year now since they have broken up to.

So back to what I was saying, they got drinks and he confessed that he was talking to someone (me) but he didn't say my name at all all he said was that he "didn't like me and NEVER wanted to talk to me" he was drinking when he said this and he also told her he is still in love with her and still loves her he did not give any details about me whatsoever. After that he took her back to her hotel and she asked to kiss him and he said yea so they made out. Then after that he texted her Goodmorning (after he said what he said)?? to make this short he took her out to dinner, brought her to his family's house, hugged her, kissed her, gave her compliments, even followed her when she was going to talk to her mom so he saw her mom in person...

fast forward 2 months later she came to visit again but this time he was stalking her from his car and watched everything she was doing and when he saw her get in a car with another guy he sped off behind them and was riding the guys tailgate with loud music!! He didn't respond to her wanting to hangout instead he decided to do all this!! Seems like he was stalking her the whole time she was in town. Fast forward they are still talking and they were exchanging flirty messages and he wanted her to send him nudes and she did. I also found this convo between them:

Her: So your dating someone?

Him: No, I said I was talking to someone not dating.

Her: Good for you. Now I can find someone else.

Him: No (!!!)

Her: Did you mean it when you said you are still in love with me?

Him: Yes I meant it

Her: Do you think about me during the day?

Him: Yes

Her: I miss laying next to you

Him: Me to

Her: Have you thought about having sex with me?

Him: Yes

Her: Do you feel tingles when you do?

Him: Yes


She is going to be moving back to town soon. She has no choice but to come back given her circumstances. They have been in contact this whole time with only a No contact period of 2 months. Am I a rebound or what? Is he waiting for her to come back? He lives with his mom btw but has a car and a job.

I feel that if she had her place here in town when they broke up they would have been got back together... in also concerned because he came straight to her when he got off work and everything like he can't stay away when she is in town. Please help!!

I don't understand he broke up with her...

View related questions: broke up, flirt, got back together, period, stalking, text

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (16 July 2017):

You seem to know every move they make. I think it's you who needs to go no contact with him. You've seen and know all this, and you still want him?

I mean this is the classic case of rebound, and you can see it in all its glory. Have some self-respect, sweetheart! DUMP HIM LIKE A RED-HOT COAL!!!

You have to learn when to let go of a guy. You don't go into drama queen mode and play the victim. You really don't need our advice. When the heart plays stupid, listen to the brain!

You have to use common-sense. Protect your feelings!

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (16 July 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThis is all very weird.

I have questions: how do you know all this? Were you there when it was happening? Were you stalking him? Has he told you all this? Has his "ex" told you all this? Has someone else? Or is this how you have imagined it all happened?

I assume you saw the text exchange on his phone. As I can't imagine that was with his permission, I have to assume you have sufficient contact with him to get hold of his phone and check up on him. So I assume you are "dating" in some shape or form.

Sweetheart, he NEVER "broke up with her". They have random short periods of no contact but, apart from that, in every way that counts, they are still an item. What the hell are you doing in the middle of this situation? Do you not think you are worth better? Take back control and dump his sorry ass, because he sure as hell will dump yours once his "ex" comes back to town.

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (16 July 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThere is nothing here for you, apart from a whole lot of heartache and unrequited love. Are you a rebound? I don't think so, hurtful as it may sound I think you are just some chick he hangs out with when his girlfriend is not in town.

The best thing you can do for YOU is to have a big cry while you accept he is not the man for you, nor does he have the potential to be that man.

Cry it all out and then get on with getting over it. Having him around will always be a drain on your emotional health. Far better to walk on and leave him where he belongs, firmly in your past!

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2017):

It sounds like a novel and you have the persona of being the author which is really quite worrying.

It doesnt seem healthy for you to be detailing their intimate encounters and I assume you are trying to take a step back.

If this is your reality you need to refocus and meet new people!

You should have no desire to have your life ordained by someone else as you have the capacity to get out of this triangle.

Reward yourself for being wonderful and drop the troubled couple!

<-- Rate this answer


A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2017):

You didn't really make it clear as to whether or not you have been dating him. But whether you've been dating or just talking it seems clear he is still very fond of his ex and vice versa, although she seems to be playing games with him. Plus,This guy stalking her should send up some red flags to you.

This guy is not worth your time, trouble or anger. He's obviously not into you. Cut all contact with him and move on. You're young. Take your time and find someone who isn't on the rebound or jerking you around. Find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

<-- Rate this answer


Add your answer to the question "He's back with her and I'm hurting. What can I do?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft