A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend in online dating , two days after we talked and chat . He was persistent to move in with me . We was only still trying to get to know each other.. part of me I was shocked and also willing to give him a chance but a lot of doubt. We didn't even meet in person. So we decide to meet and the same time he s moving in with me. II know it's crazy . So on the day we meet , I sawhim from far and he wasn't the guy I had attraction . So I had to think if I had to introduce myself or just walk away . At the end I feel bad because I knew he will be homeless if I don't accept him to my place . He has a good character in him and a caring person . I didn't tell him that I was still talking to a guy who's working in Afghanistan . I was dating this Afghan guy before but he wasn't ready to be relationship . So we stay in touch as friend .the reason why I didn't my boyfriend about this afghan guy because I wasn't sure if we will last longer . I was just helping him by staying at my place until he get a job.. Two months later we live together , the afghan guy called me and decide to visit me. And I told him that I'm in relationship . I chose to be with my bf cause I start to fall in love him but since that call happen tits the beginning of my misery . I showed and everything to him that I don't have anybody but him , he didn't believe everything what I say . He was ver jealous and always checking my phone and sometimes stalking me at work . I work so hard to pay for our bills but every time I get home he accuse me that I slept with other men . He pulled all the text from people I talked to before I met him. Everything we had a fight he kept bringing it up that I slept those guys while we was together even though I explain to him that I was faithful in this relationship . It was a torture and always trying to make sure he will trust me by providing all the prof every time we asked a certain numbers or looking into my phone . So may times I break up with him but he keep coming back because he knew he can't go nowhere but me . It's very hurtful how he was treated me and it build up anger . We survive until now but every fight he always bring the past . iinspite all the drama I show and prove him how much I love him. I help him dress like a very attractive man to feel confident . Now he was the one who always lflirting to random women even I'm with him and I discuss it to him that it bother me the way how he tflirt to women but he keep doing it . Last thing now that I'm kinda at the end of this relationship . He just got terminated form his job and again I am jumping to the rescue of our bills . He really works hard to look for a job and that's not the issue .the issue I've just got a job a line employee he has a supervisor and Manager . What bothers me he just start and him and the manager (female)has texting back and all day everyday non stop . First I thought it because off the training that he has to go through to be in touch but then it becomes suspicious as its keep going . I also heard him talking to his manager the conversation they had not even work related . So I asked him what's going on with excessive phone conversation and texting . He's answer is I'm just kissing ass . I asked him if Ihe can show me all the text messaging to prove that nothing is fishy . He just to,d me that I'm crazy and he don't need to show me any proof as he delete all the text message from her . It becomes a nonstop arguments.. Part of me I'm done and part of me still love him. But all this times it's build an anger inside of me the way how he treated me with all of accusation from before . Please help me to decide the right thing ..Thank you kindly!
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at work, jealous, kissing, last longer, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2015): Leave him before you get pregnant and regret a bad choice... he is being very hypocritical. And everyone know you can't make it work with a person like that. Theirs no reason you should feel bad to be with him cuz he's homeless, seems too me like he's using you and doesn't Care about you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2015):
 OMG !
" I know that is crazy " ?. That's a major understatement ! That's the kind of crazy that so often leads women six feet under, or at the E.R. with multiple lesions, or, best case, in jail for complicity because the police won't believe she does not know that her boyfriend is running a prostitution ring right from the living room couch.
You have been lucky- all that happened is that you got yourself a guy mooching off you. Could have been worse.
Anyway , to recap : at your first date you take in a stranger whom you don't even like . It ends " well " ( ? ) because after a while you develop feelings for him.
So now the situation
is : you stay with him , even if he is jealous, paranoid, controlling, argumentative, disrespectful , flirty, and, let's not forget it , a loser and a moocher who makes you totally miserable , because you love him.
He stays with you, because he has nowhere else to go, because you work hard to keep a roof over his head, food on his table and nice clothes on his back, and because he can boss you around as he pleases.
What's the right thing to do ? The only right thing to do for you is to get a grip on your life again, put him out with the trash, and shut firmly your door on his face forever. Don't worry about him being homeless- first, he is getting a job now, second, a new sucker is born every minure, alas - he'll probably find himself pretty fast someone else to sponge off. But that does not concern you. Being compassionate does not mean..., well, acting insane.
Also please, and do not get offended, I promise this is not a snub or a put down, just a heartfelt recommendation of what may help you,you should see a good therapist ASAP- a mental health specialist who can help you see where your dysfunctional, codependent behaviour comes from, and how you can change it, so that you do not have to act so reckless and self detructive in your next relationships. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (15 April 2015):
There are few occasions when I’m so astounded that I have to read a question twice to believe what I’m seeing. Yours is one such rare occasion. I just can’t believe it, and want to say, with the greatest of respect, what on earth were you thinking? This guy asks to move in with you before you’ve even met, that’s not normal at all. So you meet the once and move him in. Then you mislead him over some-one in Afghanistan with whom you’ve got some complicated, long-distance kind of arrangement, and when he finds out, you wonder why he doesn’t believe you? And now, after a couple of months, you’re off and on, accusing each other, checking phones, demanding proof, and throwing around accusations in arguments. This is a joke! It’s over. He was after a place to lay his head, you were after something more committed than your Afghan companion who wasn’t ready for a relationship. Perhaps you were both vulnerable, and perhaps it’s not worth trying to work out who was most at fault and in the wrong. The point is, it’s not working between you. It’s hard to see how it ever could have. Tell him he needs to find somewhere else to stay and that it’s over. You say that part of you is done and part of you still loves him, but just loving some-one isn’t enough, especially when you don’t even know them. This is not going to work and you need to move on I’m afraid.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 April 2015):
 Good grief Girl!
WHY was it YOUR responsibility to GIVE him a "home" after 2 days of chatting online? That is NUTS! HOW would it be YOUR fault that he would be homeless?
I think you have been raised to be TOO nice, to be honest - and yes there IS such a thing, THIS is why... THIS guy not only lived OFF you, LIVES with you, and now treat you like dirt on top.
DO you think he got online to FIND a woman who was "too nice" that he could TAKE FULL on advantage off? (you) by any chance?
Why was he with out a home if YOU didn't take him in?
I'm sorry you don't know this guy - even if you live together - it's been 2 months and he thinks you can't even TALK to someone else?
Honey, you need to kick this guy out of your home, and out of your life.
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