A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am almost 40 now earning well and feeling settled in life after building my career and struggling to get to this comfortable status. Just when I thought my life begins now... the so called hell broke loose.Pre- marriage : I met my wife during college days. I was 21 and she was 22. During initial 2 years we were simply talking on daily basis day and night and there was no physical relation because I had always thought that this was post marriage aspect. When I realised that she had started trying to hook my close friend and her other male friends, I proceeded on the physical front. In no time I was under high sexual influence and could not resist her. We started being physical on daily basis but for the intercourse. In about 4 years one day we were physical and she simply had intercourse with me in standing position which cannot recall now (that was our first time). The next day we again had intercourse and this time she tried to explain to me that there was a drop of blood and that she lost her virginity (this she recalls). We subsequently had our ups and downs in our pre-marriage time with long gaps when she would disappear and then re-appear. During this time of 7 years I kept asking her about her previous relationships as I got to know that she had about 2 friends. Her replies were - I have not seen or touched any man, I had one small affair where we were about to get married and he had never seen me nude and in the second affair it was for one and half year and only kissing and he used to finger her to orgasms on daily basis. I believed her and went on with our life. Subsequently after 7 years I went and asked her for marriage with a few conditions (religion being one). She agreed to all the conditions and we got married. Post Marriage - Within the first year of our marriage problems started and she even went on to do false legal case against me and my parents. She left my house about 3 times within the first 2 years and was away for 3-4 months each time. I became emotionally weak each time and brought her back. By that time I had started getting anxiety and panic attacks. I suffered for more than 3 years after marriage.Subsequently she decided to have a child and we had a baby girl (no test done). I started to enjoy life as a family person and struggling to build our life around my child and my wife.During this time there was only one downside that I could not touch my wife anywhere but just that she could enjoy me in bed and I got a sexual release on when she had sex with me. Till such time I had no more understanding of her except what she made me believe.Now it is 13 years of our marriage, 10 year old daughter and almost 19 years of so called knowing her - and now the curtain unfolds to an extent I can't believe I was living and dreaming my life with a stranger.Just a quick reflection on how she had been behaving with me over past 20 years I started to get some doubts. After some exploring I have been able to contact about 4 men who have had long term relations with her. One of the guy had been with her for 7 years giving her daily pleasures. She had actually become sexually active at 12/13 and since then she had been switching men...leading them and throwing them off. There are few more names that she has herself told me when I pstered her into telling me all.Current status : I am going to be 41 and she is going to be 42 within the next 2 months. I need more children and she cannot conceive. I am very smart to look at and look as young as 32 but she looks older than 44. She is not at all beautiful and neither does she have good skin. I earn 6 times her salary. While having sex she stinks like crazy and now it has started to effect me more. I kind of hate her for what she has done to me. I am an extrovert full of life and fun while she has no interests and has never made me smile. I have started drinking and smoking in the last 8 months since the time I have started to get more and more details. The whole day I am spending contacting her exes and getting more and more details.I have been going through hell in the last 8 months. Not able to work in office and at home the environment has gone bad to worse. I feel sick. I have been asking her to move out of my house and give me a divorce. She is not agreeing to any options that I propose. She is constantly threatening me that she will destroy my life if I leave the house or if I talk about divorce. I told her she can take all my money and the house and the child.. my poarents.. all... and that let me go. But she is not letting me move on in lifeI am not sure if I have emotional weakness for her or it is love or I am scared. For sure I do not want to take my child's mother away from her. But at the sametime I am lost in life as to what do I do. I am starting to get some side effects that are not positive in my sex life. I now see that even my simple statements were always misinterpretted by her because she has been messed up with all her past relationships (this she has agreed also). I have no idea what way to go - leave her or try living with her. It is almost 8 months of hell now. Please guide me. I have been reading all your experience... but cannot think straight... I do not trust her... I have lost faith. I sometimes think.. what would it be like to have a virgin!... will I get one.... will life be different with her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Hello and I'm sorry you're trapped in that kind of situation. I'm completely unfamiliar with legal system in the country you live in and also with the social customs, but surely it's a universal rule that a wife should respect her husband. I'm an American and the way you describe your interactions with your wife are very strange to me. I don't know anyone who would allow thier partner to touch them if they couldn't do the same in return. If you want to know my opinion, as a loud-mouth American, I would say divorce her. If its anything like the family law here then if you prepare yourself and get everything in order first (i.e. proof of infidelity, neglect, extrangement, abuse) and secure the safety of your child- Then she'll be less likely to have any kind of means to retaliate. I think she's been horrible enough to convince the court (or the equiviant) that you should be granted a divorce. But I also think more importantly that you should not view yourself as a failure or that you've been a fool because in all reality you likely gave this relationship your best effort and thats much more than she can ever, ever say about herself. I would just be preparing to rid her legally for good (but don't throw your child away with her- she's yours and doesnt need to be left to the full influences of a woman like her mother) BUT BE SURE TO KEEP QUIET! Don't give her warning as to whats coming. You don't want to give her time to create a defense or to strike first. If you hate her for what she has done and she's ugly, inside and out, you will never trust her and want to be free of her- Just use your determination, intelligence and money to give her a taste of her own medicine. But be sure to take her by surprise. So stop mentioning a divorce, stop any kind of conflict from coming from you. Make her think everythings ok and she'll let her gaurd down and possible be completely helpless to stop you or hurt you further. This is not the most mature advice but you should absolutely safe gaurd yourself from any more injury by her hand. And yes, you will find another woman, a better woman. Just don't hold what this one did against the next one. And virigins aren't a good either choice either, because no matter what- they will always wonder what another man feels like so its best to find one that already knows so you won't have to hide her away out of fear she'll stray. Any woman would grow to resent you for something like that. Good luck to you and your daughter(son?)
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