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He was so rude on while texting me but was the opposite in person...

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 September 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, i am just confused a bit..if anyone can help.

I saw my ex the other day which at first I tried to avoid because I am still too hurt about our break-up and upset that he ignored my IMs and text messages and even my last email. I really feel he doesn't love me anymore so I decided to quit trying to beg him to come back. I realized I cannot force him to continue to see me.

But suddenly he calls to say he wants to drop by as he came from his brothers house who lives just a block away. I didn't want to because i don't know how I will behave and that I am still upset that he ignored me in the past. But he said he is already infront of my house waiting for me. I was forced to go out to meet him.

Well, i had pretended successfully that I was okay as I was laughing and acting like I am fine as I know blaming him and being angry will do me no good. The strange thing is, he doesn't look okay. He looks sad. He said he's been depressed lately. I just shrugged my shoulders and said I have to go back inside (before he can say anything else). So he said, ok and said he hopes we are still friends and that he misses me. Then he turned his back and left.

Well, he was rude on text and ignored me and was so confident to dump me. But he looks different in person, he doesn't look like the person who dumped me at all. Which should I believe, the text or the personal encounter with him? Now I feel guilty for leaving him so soon outside of my house.

View related questions: depressed, my ex, text

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A female reader, applebite8821 United States +, writes (18 September 2009):

applebite8821 agony auntYour ex is of the same type as mine. They definitely know what to say on text, chat or whatever using high tech but when you see them, it was as if they had an amnesia and totally acts like a different person.

Mine doesn't look depressed but he looks shy and acts like when he was still courting me. As if no break-up has happened!! But right after meeting him he'd call me desperately and says stuff that seems like he doesn't want to totally lose me.

Anyway, I congratulate you for keeping your chin up. I understand that you feel guilty about leaving so soon but i think it is better that he sees that you have begun to move on. I am sure you will regret it anyway if you had been nice to him and showed that you are still interested. Then later on he will be rude to you again.

Again, don't feel guilty..he deserves to be treated that way..it actually wasn't enough a punishment for him for what he did to you before.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 September 2009):

Fatherly Advice agony auntIt is much easier to lie in a text or email than it is in person. So in person is more reliable. That is not the main point here. You know he is not good for you. He knows he wants to move on. You need to keep avoiding him.

FA

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (18 September 2009):

No way! Don't feel guilty, AT ALL! You did good and exactly what you should have done. He was being disrespectful and it was rude of him to have ignored you in the past. And now that he just magically appears at your home he expects you to swoon over him or something? Ignore him and move on with your life, and see how he likes it--he had his chance. Whether it's the text or personal encounter, I wouldn't know either way, but in reality--it shouldn't matter and you shouldn't want him back. Keep being strong, you're doing good.

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A female reader, sunnycomet Canada +, writes (18 September 2009):

sunnycomet agony auntYou shouldn't feel guilty for leaving him outside of your house so soon. He hurt you and you are still suffering, he brought this upon himself.

I am curious as to what you will do now. Will you continue to ignore him and move on? Or will you accept him back into your life.

You just begun to move on. If you continue to ignore him you will eventually get over him. He will not be able to hurt you again and you will be happy and hopefully find another guy to be happy with.

At the same time you still want him back. He has come to you remorseful and shows that he has interest in getting back together. But remember he was very rude to you when he text you (I hope he didn't break up by texting you...) and he ignored your e-mails. Then you stop and all of a sudden he wants you back?

I think the e-mails gave him the confidence knowing you still wanted him. But when he thought you didn't want him when you stopped he decided he wants you back.

I think you should continue to ignore and get over him. How do you know it won't happen again?

Good Luck!

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A female reader, Julie D United Kingdom +, writes (18 September 2009):

Hi why not agree to see him again but on your terms. tell him you are not so ready to resume where you left off as it is going to take time, after all how do you know that he won't run off again and ignore you again. if he truly cares he will agree.

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