A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 27 years old female, when I was 15 I met a boy who was 16, just one year older than me, he was my high school sweetheart, we spent many years together after, we went to different universities I studied engineering and he went to the navy academy witch was in a different city, we still was committed to each other, we loved each other deeply, we had promise rings and we had dreams, we were sure we will always be together, we will get marry and have beautiful kids that will have his curly brown hair and my big brown eyes, we chose the names of our future kids and built castles in the cloud together, we even dreamed of how we will look like when we are too old with no teeth and white hair, just before graduation he got mixed up wit a bad crowd, he became a heroin addict, in matter of months he was just a shadow of the person I loved, me and his mother have done all what we can to save him but we couldn’t help him, we took him to rehab the most expensive in the country, we stayed months by his side but he always fooled us and went back to drugs, he became abusive, beat me up badly because I wouldn’t let him use, he accused me that I am the reason (it’s the drugs talking) and I went through hell with him, i was hospitalized after he ran me over with his car when he was trying to get drugs and I was trying to stop him I forgave him because I knew he hasn’t himself, his drug use became too much to bare, I have seen him overdosing so many times, and one time he almost died, I was alone with him and he had a bad overdose and he lay down like dead, he looked dead, and I felt dead and I mourned him, I almost carried him (i do not know how did i get the physical energy to drag him to the nearest hospital) in the hospital he was in the intensive care and doctor told me that he would not make it, he did made it by something in me was waiting for his death, i knew he will go back to using again and in my heart and my soul he was a dead man walking, because I loved him so much I went crazy for a bit, unable to think straight, unable to understand and I finally couldn’t take it anymore, my family arranged to transfer my studies abroad and before he got out of the hospital I left the country, I told myself he was dead and I believed it, it was the only comfort for me to know he was not to be saved, he was dead in my heat and I mourned him for so long, for years to come and if anyone had asked or knew about him I would say he died.there was that part of me that knew he was still alive but almost dead, he was still using and for those years away from him, he was in and out from rehab all the time, until last year, I do not know what made me call his mother, she told me he was clean and she passed the phone to him, hearing his voice, mad me ache, i feel like there is a hole in my chest that wont stop bleeding, he told me he loved me and that he needs me but its too late.I met someone else who is a real angel, he loves me with passion and he cares about me so much, I cant leave him, he stood by me not knowing the truth, he made me heel but there is no way I can be myself again like before, I can never be whole.I know my 1st love is a story that is not meant to be, I know he hurt me so much that he broke my heart to pieces, but I cannot get myself to not ache whenever he cross my mind, I cannot bring myself to not dream about him, and I do not know what to do to be myself again, I cannot go back to him, if i did, he will never forgave me for leaving him, he have changed and became bitter, but what can I do to my heart, how can i stop loving him, I love my current partner too, but nothing like i loved him.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 May 2014):
 First off, KNOW that it wasn't your fault in any way shape or form.
TRYING drugs was a choice. The type of drugs another. NOT many starts out the gate with such a hardcore drug as heroin, so my guess is he was experimenting LONG before you found out about the heroin.
Who you are at 15/16 and who you become 10 years later are two very different people.How and who we love can be very different people too.
He is NO longer the boy you fell in love with. YOU are no longer the girl HE fell in love with either. You grew up, tried to be responsible for yourself AND him. And that will knock you on your butt 99% of the time.
It's OK that you remember him fondly, BUT you need to let go of the BOY you loved. And you need to remember that he wasn't all as great as you wanted him to be.
It's GOOD that he is now clean, however it doesn't ERASE what he did to you, his mom and to himself all those years of drug use.
Whether he can FORGIVE you for leaving or not is irrelevant, you did what you did to save your sanity and because it WAS the right thing to do. You don't NEED him to forgive that. JUST like you don't have to forgive ANYTHING he did to you. Not for his sake at least, maybe for your own.
WISH him well, say your "goodbyes" to your past relationship and to him. And BE GLAD that YOU found happiness with a guy who ISN'T using drugs, who TREATS you right, who LOVES you.
Your EX needs to find his own way through life. You can't do that for him, EITHER.
I'd cut the contact 100% with the ex. IT was at best a toxic relationship. You got out.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (27 May 2014):
 I agree with imthehelpinghand.
You are in love with the man he once was, but that person will never exist again. The kind, loving guy he was at 16 is a very different person tot he man he has sadly become.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014): I agree with the other poster, 100 percent. You can either choose your first love who abused you or be with your lovely new man. You could, maybe try to be friends with your first love, not close, but offer him help and all.
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