A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all - I need advice. How often do happy couples have sex? I am in an on again off again relationship with a guy for 3 years. We just got back together in late October - early Nov. Within the last 3 weeks, he brought up that he wants more sex and that I used to be more sexual. We were having sex once a week. He would criticize me if I went to bed in comfy sweats and a sweatshirt instead of a sexy lingerie. I work 9 hour days - 5 days a week - in a high stress job. Way more high stress then him. Last week, after he knew I had gotten 4 hours sleep every night because I was working 14 hours, he said he wanted to get naked. I said sure, I'm about to pass out , just no sex, I'm so exhausted. He stormed out of the room and slept on the couch. Ywo days later, it's my holiday party at work. He rents a hotel room nearby so we don't have to drive drunk. He gets very drunk at party. We are slow dancing and not fighting. Out of nowhere he gets the car and drives home - ditching me at the party. I call him as I see him driving away and he texts me that he's going home. I call. He won't answer. I text that we have the hotel and that he shouldn't drive drunk or leave me!He does. Finally he texts me that he's home and that it wouldn't have mattered if he was in the hotel or not because there would be any sex anyway. My co-workers think he's a jerk for ditching me and driving drunk. This is not the first time he has gotten drunk and driven, gotten drunk and been mean to me, or abandoned me and left me while out together. I flipped out and cursed him out. Am I right to be so angry and insulted? I feel like he's just being a jerk to me because I've been too tired to have sex.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): i think he is being very manipulative and clearly has a shortage of common sense.By taking the car in a drunken burst of public manipulation he not only deliberately left you stranded and paying for the hotel alone, but he also could have potentially killed one or more innocent people in the processs.This should sound like a warning to you.He probably doesnt pay his way and he chose his route of public humiliation as his way of making his mark.I am surprised that you are even partially attracted to this freeloader who belittles you in an effort to get more out of you.Dont go without the sleep you need if you work such long hours and just view the possibility of a life with out him as one step closer as he seems hardly worth keeping in your life as he has so little of anything youd want.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 December 2015):
 I agree with Tisha. The problem here is not one of mismatched libidos, or of an oversexed lover. The problem is that you have chosen to date a guy who is generally a jerk, and specifically a person with a big drinking problem. As such, he can't be expected to give much weight and attention to your physical and emotional needs, in short, he could not care less that you may be very tired or have to go back home alone at night etc..
Let him be " off " again and for good,- problem solved. And learn to want something more and better for yourself !
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 December 2015):
 Your primary question was "how often do happy couples have sex?" The answer to that would be: as often as they both like.
The question and your followup seem to suggest that the problems he has are a bit too much for you to deal with.
It's okay to end a relationship.
He has health issues at the very least and obviously has an alcohol issue.
He's not a well man. Encourage him to see his doctor ASAP.
Again, I'd let this relationship go back into the "off again" status until he deals with his medical and alcohol issues.
And you might want to consider dealing with the question as to why you are tolerating this type of abuse with a good counselor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow he claims he was having an anxiety attack and left to escape. Yet he never said that . Only now after the fact.
Don't believe him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 December 2015):
 I agree with Tisha here.
You got back together for all the wrong reasons. It's not a good fit, him and you. It wasn't before and nothing has changed to make it work now.
He is an ass. Selfish and toxic ass to boot. It's all about HIS needs and HIS wants, not yours. You are just there to fulfill HIS.
I'm sorry, I can see MANY reasons why you are less inclined to want to have sex. You work hard and then get no affections (unless you agree to sex) - So stress at work, stress at home.
It's more than him acting like a brat over not getting enough sex, it's him leaving you places to "punish you" for whatever reason, it's him doing idiotic things (like driving drunk) It's about him tearing you down, neglecting you and not really treating you with love and respect.
I think overall you are so much better off without him. And don't get back together with him again. It didn't work in the past for a reason, it won't work in the future either.
And next time... GO for a guy who CAN and WILL treat you right.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 December 2015):
Rather than flipping out and cursing him out, I would just have let him go quietly into the past.
You two are clearly not compatible.
Spending time being angry and insulted is a waste of time. Instead, spend time figuring out why you tried to get back into a relationship that had never worked.
And fyi if he has a history of drunk driving and drunken abuse? He's going to have some major issues... go to Al-Anon for an eye-opening experience!
You are not with a man who is a healthy match for you. Now that you know that, it's on you to make the best choice for yourself.
P.S. Expecting him to suddenly become a wiser kinder man isn't going to be a winning strategy.
Good luck! And don't get into a car with him or be alone with him after he's been drinking!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 December 2015):
 A happiness of a couple is not determined by the quantity of sex. It's mainly how you treat each other inside and outside of the bedroom, also how flexible you are when you don't feel up for it.
You shouldn't have gotten back together with him. It shows that he's allowed to mistreat you. He's quite narcissistic and thinks that the whole world owes him sex, and the royal treatment like dressing up for him.
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