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He tried to rape me, but I want to give him another chance. Is this wrong?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Sex, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2007) 13 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

umm, i have a question 4 you. i broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago because he tried 2 rape me. i was in a state. but now i am starting 2 ave feelings 4 him again. I want 2 give him another chance. is this wrong?

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A female reader, Moogs United States +, writes (31 October 2010):

i can`t throw stones here... i was gang raped by one of my boyfriends and three of his friends... on a drunken weekend hunting trip... and I continued to date him after we returned from the trip and I had been raped by them all for 3 days... we all went on like nothing had happened...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008):

I think that at the moment you were in shock, but then later on you realized that you liked it. You want round two. There is nothing wrong with that.

OwHiTeLiOnO

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

I think this situation is too complex to make a judgment from the summary she provides. We all don't know any of the dynamics really involved.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

STAY AWAY FROM HIM.

You're not having feelings for him because he's worth it, or decent, or sorry, or anything else. If you're in a relationship with someone for a while then you will have feelings for him whether they are justified or not. It's your job to protect yourself and realize that he is NOT good for you.

You really WILL feel this way about someone else if you'll ever put that kind of time & effort into someone else. But first you have to take the difficult step of breaking things off with this guy and staying broken-off for good.

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A female reader, chrissies United Kingdom +, writes (10 October 2007):

chrissies agony auntNO NO NO NO NO, please stay well away. Do all you have to do to keep him away or you might live to regret what you're considering doing. I have been raped and this is no joke. It will leave you a different person than the one you were. It is very frightening for me to hear you thinking of having him back.

No, you can't do this. Please, for your own life, please under no circumstances should you take him back. In fact, you need to report this and get some form of injunction on him and also speak to Woman's Aid and Rape Line. They will help you deal with this emotionally and support you and point you in the right directions for help.

Please, please take very good care of yourself and your soul. Don't allow him back into your life, to destroy both of these.

Tray x x x x

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A male reader, fergiepunk United Kingdom +, writes (28 June 2007):

Simple answer no. Dont go near him, hell get a damn restriction order to prevent him going near you. It might seem cool to go for the bad boys but in the end things like this happen and it can cause a lot of problems.

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (28 June 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntLove this guy tried to RAPE you!!!!!

You should not be going anywhere near him. If you give him another chance will he actually rape you this time?!

I don't think you should even be contemplating this. Tell him to get lost and find someone who isn't going to force them selves on you! You deserve better than attempted rape!!!!!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007):

your falling into the trap " better the devil you know" your confidence must of taken a battering after your ordeal and you must be trying to find a million reasons to find out why it happened to maybe stop it happening again

it would happen again if you gave him the opportunity dont do it

and dont justify what he tried to do it was bad behavior and there is no excuse for it

romance is blind do not mistake it for love

people who love do not take for themselves like this man did

try to find a councellor who can help you to rebuild your confidence and find someone who will look after you properly and treat you with the respect you deserve

you are worth more than this remember that

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A female reader, chunkymunky United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2007):

chunkymunky agony auntits not 'wrong' because you really cant help who you fall for no matter how horrible they can be. I'd advise you not to get back with him and try the best you can to move on sweetie. Your relationship would never go back to the way it was before because the trust has already been broken and all though you may be able to forgive him, there will always be something niggling in your head. Keep well clear of him, hes not worth your precious time hunnie.

xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

Rape is rape.Forget him and move on.Blunt answer but the only one that makes sense.Some things are unforgivable.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

It is human for you to feel this way, but please don't make the mistake of returning to someone who is capable of this kind of violence. Stay away from him and find someone who cares and respects you more as a person.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

First off, rape is about control and abuse, it is not about love and sex....your boy friend does not care about you as a person, and only has sex on his mind.

You are under age, and should not be having sex with any one....your feelings are confused, this guy must be very manipulative to make you trust him again.

Stay away.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (12 April 2007):

ChiRaven agony auntI would be worried about any guy who tried to use violence as a means to sex. If he had that little respect for you at the time, I don't think you should trust him in the future.

Stay away from this guy. Your feelings are doing you wrong here.

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