A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dear Cupid; I need your help to give me advice and strength to get out of a relationship I am not supposed to be in.... I am in love with a married man ! Sounds aweful right ? I know, I blame myself everyday. He is a much older man, in the beginning he was lovingand attentive( he still says he loves me everyday!) butafter we've gone out for few months , he starts to become distant and quiet and not wanting to call me orsee me as often. He told me it was because he got stressed out from his job (he was afraid he might got laid-off) , but deep in my heart I know that was justexcuses. Now I want out, but everytime I tried to , he willjust showed up and told me over and over again he really loves me and does not want to leave me, then Igot weak.... How can I find the strength to leave him , was hetelling the truth when he said he loves me ? Confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): I just wanted to add that I am in the same situation as you, and if I can do this you can too!! I think everyone commenting is spot on. As for me - I am one of the ONE PERCENT whose husband left his partner of 10 years for. We got married and had a little girl. I say one of the one percent because we lasted more than a year. Three years later we are divorced and I am a single mother battling for assets which were mine (he left all his money with the previous woman because of his guilt) and he ended up having an affiar with MY FRIEND's FLATMATE!! I never trusted him anyway. Even though it feels like heaven now to be with him, even if he is married, that is a chemical thing which wears off anyway after 18months to 3 years. It WILL wear off and that goes for him too - lucky he has his wife to go back to and keep him warm in bed when it does. Find a real man, who is available and whose love will last long after the 3 years chemical lust hit has worn off.
A
male
reader, Evan  +, writes (12 April 2007):
Mention casually about other guys you're currently "seeing". Let the guy get mad at you. Then reply "Well, you're with another woman, why can't I be with other men?". Tell him that as soon as he limits himself to just you, you'll limit yourself to only him. Shove it in his face, after all, these other men are hung better anyways.
-Evan
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (12 April 2007):
 From a guy's point of view, I agree with the ladies. Forget it. This relationship is going nowhere fast. Of course he says he loves you ... he's sleeping with you. But the chance of him actually making a break with his wife is slim, and even if he does the chance that he'll actually make his arrangement with you permanent is even slimmer. He's cheating now, isn't he? How secure would YOU feel as his WIFE? And why?
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Dear Confused, first, know that I am not here to blame or be upset that you have been having an affair with a married man. But what I will tell you is this, it is a dead end situation. He enjoys your company, and sure, he will tell you he loves you, and he probably does for that very moment of time that he is with you, but remember he has a wife at home whom he loves dearly! AND 99% out of 100%, they never leave their wife for their mistress. I understand about being weak, truly I do!!!! What I can say is this...for me, keep yourself occupied with ANYTHING other then him...gym, your girlfriends, cooking, email buddies...WHATEVER, just not him. Do not go out with him, do not return calls and let him move on as well. Otherwise, he knows he can put you back into his palm again and work his "magic" on you. And it works doesn't it? I know, it sucks, but honestly, you need to move on and you WILL meet the right man of your dreams. He is out there. And while your wasting your time with this one, you could miss him when he comes around. Think of it that way. Good Luck to You...and I mean that...been there...done that!!! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): The way you leave him is to stop accepting his calls and invitations, and change your phone number if you have to, and do not answer the door if he shows up....you need to tell him straight out that it is over....he has been telling you he loves you in order to keep you hooked in, but married men do not leave their families or wives for the other woman, and if he did do that, what is to say that you would not be in the same boat down the road.
Statistics show that relationships like this one that begin in infidelity have less than a 1% chance of lasting beyond a year from the dissolution of the first marriage, so you don't have a chance here, move on, you are 30 years young and you don't want to waste any more of your energy on this cheater.
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