A
female
age
51-59,
*ost in Texas
writes:I met a man at an out of state conference I was speaking at. We hit it off right away and traded biz cards. I heard from him a day or two later and we found ourselves talking endlessly on the phone, emails and im's. He started calling me pet names: princess and baby. I was swept off my feet. I had not fallen so hard so quickly. He told me that he had kids and was going through a messy divorce. Now for the kicker, I got a call late the other night and it was his wife! She asked me who I was and what was going on. I guess she got a hold of his cell phone and read some of our very intimate exchanges. I was sick to my stomach! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He never left his wife. I have never felt as connected to anyone as I do to him. It has only been about 5 weeks since our first meeting but I think I have met my soul mate.I really want to keep going with the relationship. But I am so sick and hurt that I revealed myself to someone who would betray my trust. I just can't get over him. He called, im'd and emailed me telling me that he was going to leave his wife and that she was lying and crazy. What do I do? He said he wanted to marry me and that he couldn't wait till we had kids....oh god I want to cry! How can I trust him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I think the woman is right who said:
As things stand now, his wife has found out and he's in deep doo-doo - and you run the risk of being right in the muck with him.
and I wonder that you aren't angry as hell at his deceit and your own lack of caution in falling for his lies (but more angry at HIM and more mildly reproachful toward yourself).
I was caught up in a 3 way mess that I caused. It ended up causing everyone involved grief and I had to pay for it for years afterwards. You will get over it but my family never will. Chin up and dump that loser before he causes you more pain. I should know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I can't imagine where ypu can go from here. If he is already running you around in 5 weeks can you imagine what the future holds for you? Do you want to live even a small fraction of your life always wondering what is he doing, what is going to happen next? Is he making love to his wife? Who else is he saying these things to? He sounds like a real snake charmer and if you don't walk away you will be bitten.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 March 2007):
 There is absolutely NO FUTURE for you here. Unless you enjoy being miserable you'd better move on. You don't want to look back on a wasted life.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 You would never be able to trust him. He's your soul mate? He's more like your typical con artist! If I had a dollar for every time someone wrote to me saying they were with a married man and he had told them he was in the middle of a messy divorce or that he was seperated then I'd be a very rich woman! The guy is a total sleazeball, he conned you into opening up to him. Did you sleep with him at all?
He's bored with his marriage, he's probably middle aged and you are nothing more than an ego boost to him. Imagine the scene... he'd go back home to his wife after the conference and kiss her, "missed you darling..." then of course the sex at night!!! Doesn't it make you sick?
Think how the wife felt to see those texts on his cellphone, think if that had been you seeing those on your partner's cell... how would you feel?
Don't be an ego boost for this man and have a bit more respect and pride in yourself. Change your phone number and email address and get this liar out of your life, he'll only bring you pain and heartache! If he can do it to his wife, don't think for a god damn minute he can't do it to you too!
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Walk around the room and kick yourself up the bum! Yes, that is the most sensible thing to do. He didn't tell you about his wife did he? Has he got kids to her? He's bad mouthed her to you, calling her lying and crazy, er stop a minute, which one of the two of them lied???????????? so now for the next question, which one of the two is crazy?????????? er,if i was you i would run like hell in the opposite direction. Please please please do not go there, it will end in disaster. If he can do that to her, then in the future he will do it to you with the next good looking, young, single girl that he meets at the next conference. Break the pattern. Through him out of your head and heart right now before you get really hurt. Walk away with your dignity still intact and him in the gutter, just where he belongs!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): How can you trust him? My dear, you CAN'T. This man met you at the conference, wanted a bit of a fling and told you a pack of lies in order to get with you.He's married and deceived his wife. How can you want to keep going (even if it were possible, which its not) with a man so lacking in integrity, and regard him as your "soul-mate"? I wonder that you aren't angry as hell at his deceit and your own lack of caution in falling for his lies (but more angry at HIM and more mildly reproachful toward yourself).Even if he WAS going through a divorce (messy or otherwise) you would still need to wait before forming a relationship until the divorce was finalized.As things stand now, his wife has found out and he's in deep doo-doo - and you run the risk of being right in the muck with him.IF his wife calls you again, I'd recommend you tell her exactly what he told you (if you didn't already do so). Who knows, he might have cheated on her previously with other women, and she MIGHT think a little more kindly toward you if she knows what a cheating liar her husband is - don't count on it, however, but at least YOU will know, and hopefully SHE will realize you were acting in good faith. Meantime, tell him not to call, text or email you again, not now, not ever. He's a jerk, not a soul-mate. I feel bad for his wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): He sounds like a sick and twisted person using you for his own amusement; I have been through the same thing. Met a man who lied to be from the get go. I stayed with him and my life was full of strife and torment. I didn't know what to believe and the lies just got worse. I was trapped. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. I sacrificed everything to be with him and all I got was a broken heart. Ask yourself this: other than the fantasy he has built for you: What do you really know about him? He could be a serial killer. How many times has he been married? Does he drink all day? Run!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I had the same experience with a man I met 2½years ago troegh the internet. It was love at first sight for both of us. He said that he was separated from his wife and in the process of getting a divorce. We had an intimate relationship for over a year. He never slept over at my house, he never took me out and he never visited over weekend ends. He suspected that his wife hired a private investigator to spy on him because that would help her to get more money in the divorce settlement (he is wealthy) I was foolish enough to believe everything he told me.
I eventually got tired of waiting for him and ended the relationship. The end of the story….. HE IS STILL MARRIED TO HER!!!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 You can't trust him. He's a liar, he's not even through with his wife and he's planning on you carrying his next child. He wants to get remarried already...are you hearing all this.
Step back and give your head a shake. This is all way too fast. You're infatuated and rushing into something. If he's going througha a messy divorce, let him straighten out the mess first. That's common sense and if he doen'st have any, you'll need to use yours.
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