A
female
age
30-35,
*errydean
writes:Me and my boyfreind split up on friday i havent always been a jealous person when we first was going out he was going with his ex 4 3 yr and he split up with her and i ended up getting with him at our christmas party we wo going out 2 week then i got a random text meant for her so we split up cause he wanted to get back with her 2 months later he left her for me and we have been going out ever since. The first few months were fine great best ever then i even let him keep in touch with his ex then i found out he told her he wanted to sleep with her why he was with me so then i got jealous and didnt like him talking to any women and he also lied all the time about stupid things then we started spending every minute of every day together which didnt work and we seperated. he used to flirt with people after we got back together and i used to get jealous again even though he denied doing it. anyways we had 1 night off a week and then we fell out and seperated again after another argument. Any way after we got back together this time it was different we were happy hadnt argued for 6 months but he never goes out all he does is sit playing his x box we started spending everynight together but only cos he asked me to any we was looking at moving in houses and he even wanted me to show him engagement rings i would like and he said he has been thinking about asking me for a while. now the last 2 weeks we have had a couple of arguments over stupid things the last one was over the x box cause i was going away for the weekend and he wanted to play that instead of spend time with me before i went. so we argued i walked out came back at bit later at midnight and we wo arguing and the next day he says its over for good no getting back together nothing. thats it. it wo a stupid argument and we have had bigger ones. i have tried emailing and texting saying dont through it away give us 1 more try i will change because i have realised what i have done by being paranoid but he doesnt want to says he is enjoying having time to himself and not having to think about any1 else and its killing me.I have lost the love of my life and dont want it to be over but he says there is no going back i have told him i wont nag i wont be jealous and i have realised what i have lost but he doesnt care and doesnt want to get back together. i no there isnt nobody else i work with him and spent every night with him and he doesnt go out drinking. im just confused how six week ago i was looking for rings and now were over and he doesnt ever want to get back together he wants his time to his self where he doesnt want to worry about any 1 he has been in relationships for the last 5 year 2 with her and 3 with me and he says he wants his own space. I want to be with him and him not to through us away just give us 1 more chance but he wont all he keeps saying is he wont change his mind i dont want to be without him and want to no what he playing at and will we get back together im confused somebody help? what do u thing will we get back together?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Hi, it's a little hard to read the question without knowing where the commas and periods are supposed to go, so if I misunderstood something, chalk it up to that.
Right, you were just starting to look at rings then you argued with him over him wanting to spend time on the xbox instead of with you? Is that right? And before that, you and he had had several months of peaceful existence after some turbulent times where you developed trust issues as he was apparently still wanting to sleep with his ex. So far so good?
Okay, my take on this is that he left because he really isn't ready to take on the commitment. He wants to be in charge of his own time and life and the example of you wanting him off the xbox reminded him that he would be answering to another person from now on. He's still young and immature and isn't ready to do that yet.
It isn't the xbox that is causing the problem, or even that one argument. The xbox and the argument about it are the straw on the camel's back, the one that finally breaks the camel's back. All the other straws were piling up and piling up on him and this was the thing that made him snap and lose his interest in being part of a couple. It might as well have been the toothpaste tube cap, or leaving the seat of the toilet up. Whatever it is, he has now decided that he is not interested in being accountable to you for his time and energy. He may have been trying in good faith to make it work, but it's just not meant to be, to him.
I suggest you take stock of what it is that you expect from a relationship and try to honestly come up with a list. Also try to write down what would have been on his list.
My observation of couples at war is that each side in the battle perceive him or herself as being in this alone, that the other person has got things all wrong and that all he or she needs to do is stick to his guns and everything will eventually turn out the way he or she expects it to.
What they forget is that being a couple is a continual negotiation, constant compromise, hard work and to be a success at it requires empathy, great listening skills, patience, respect, courtesy and a willingness to give a little so that harmony and balance can be achieved.
Once someone in the couple has decided that there's no point in listening anymore, the relationship is most likely doomed.
So specifically in your case, I'd say give him time to calm down, stop pushing so hard, have a good long think about what I asked you and then have one last try at letting him know you've reached an epiphany. Perhaps he'll have recovered his poise and will be willing to try again. I don't know, it depends on how high the pile of resentment is. You may never get a chance to present this to him.
Gather round yourself all your friends and family and let them know that you'll need their support and strength to help you get through this break up and by the time you're feeling better, you may be able to try something again with him, or with someone new.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, love?_9 +, writes (4 November 2009):
i went threw something like that with my ex and every girl would get jealous if their guy was talkin to their ex. I mean thats kinda messed up if hes with you. If i was you i really would just leave him alone and move on. Yea, it's easier said then done but it sounds like hes playing head games with you and thats not what loves all about.
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