A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have a problem, I've been with my boyfriend for about two months and because of my weight I was too shy to take it to the next level. But we had sex the other day he is very slim and he commented on my weight and hurt my feelings. We were having sex and he said "Jeez you can't go on top you'll suffocate me". He then laughed and said "only joking". When I confronted him he said he liked it but when I saw pictures of his ex's they were all skinny and pretty and I feel like a big ugly monster. When we go out he won't hold my hand and I feel like he's ashamed to be seen with me and I heard him on the phone telling his friend that we were just friends and that there is no way anything could happen between us, but he says he loves me more than anything in the world when it's just me and him. He says that it's just that he has confidence issues. I try my best to make him happy I buy him all the stuff he wants and make sure he's always got weed because it calms him down. He's a very nervous person. I really care about him but I don't know what he's playing at. I've tried to diet and stuff but it doesn't seem to shift this excess baggage. What can I do to make myself pretty?
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confidence, his ex, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Don't try and loose weight for him, that's stupid.What he said was really mean. I'd break up with him.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 WHOA, you buy HIM weed in the US of A, the land of "the war on drugs" and "three strikes and you are out" policy?
I would already put serious questions about this relationship if you were dutch but you are risking jail for this guy?
People can kid about weight even in a relationship but not if you are not comfortable with it, considering his other behaviour I don't even think he is kidding.
He is ashamed of you, cares more about he looks to the rest of the world then how you feel and only is with you for the cash.
He sounds completly wrong for you and it sounds like you are just putting up with him because you think a girl with your weight can't get anyone else so you better make the most of this guy.
Sorry, but that is what he wants you to think, as long as you think you can't do better then him he has his weed-ticket.
He is using you, counting on your low self-image to keep you tied to him with minimal effort.
You need to get rid of this negative self-image, although that is of course easier said then done.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Yep.... Its all been said, Don't let him insult you! Just wait until you find a man how is so proud of you and loves you so much he would stand on a mountain to scream it!!
oh and the drug thing??? Soooooooooooo 1990! Move on find a winner not a looser. You deserve it!
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A
female
reader, jellyfiveAB +, writes (8 April 2008):
okay your boyfriend sounds like a dick. you should not let somebody that supposedly loves you make jokes about you or your weight. that's really mean. and if he's not claiming that you guys are dating, he's a huge douchebag. you could do better.
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A
female
reader, sarah_s  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 What I don't understand is his relationship with you? If it's because of the sex or just buying random stuff like..weed? then there's the main thing you should look out for. Does he actually 'do' something to make you happy?
Hun, if I was you I would find a better person. I know he said 'I love you more then...' but, isn't that a bit too soon to say that when your just in a 2 months relationship? and it's quite disrespectable to say that to his friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): You can make yourself a whole lot prettier by dumping him and being around people that make you feel good. Confidence is attractive and you are not going to have any around that man. Please take advice from all these posts.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Sometimes or most of the time , men say things without
thinking and they just blurt it out without thinking of the consequences.
You will have to forgive him because he does not really mean it about your weight.
You can go on a diet and exercise and be patient because you should only lose about 2 lbs a week .
Some men do not hold hands with their g/f's when they are in the public.
It has got nothing to do with loving you less.
It is just that they are not accustomed to holding hands or know the significance of it.
Sometimes, you need to reach out for his hands..
Since you only know him for two months, it is possible that
he does not want his friends to know that he is with you yet.
He has his reasons and you should not analyze every actions of his as being less loving.
Be happy and enjoy and the joy will radiate to your face.
It is better than all those cosmetics.
Love will light up your face.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (7 April 2008):
 For starters you can stop letting jerks use you, and then you can go get some self-esteem. He doesn't care about you. He's using you for sex and for stuff.
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A
female
reader, Temerity +, writes (7 April 2008):
IMO, leave him. The lying to his friends and you thing isn't respectable at all. That is just ridiculous. You need to be with someone who is proud to be with you, and yes.. there is someone who will be despite how you feel about yourself. He is beyond immature. After you leave him you could work on making yourself happy with you. Diet alone will not make you lose weight. That's 80% of it, but the other 20%(excercise) is extremely important. Not just to look great but to be healthy and actually feel good everyday.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (7 April 2008):
 No. NO NO NO. You are pretty. Do not ever let some prick tell you you arent. You dont have to do anything to "make yourself pretty", you are beautiful exactly the way you are, believe me. If this piece of shit cant see that he deserves to be alone. You are a caring person who derserves so much more than a shallow asshole. Excuse all the cuss words but this guy needs to be hit in the face. He doesnt have excess baggage, nor does he have confidence issues. He is using you for what he wants and ignoring you otherwise. He doesnt love you or care about you. It sounds terrible, but its the truth. The sooner you realize what a jerk this loser is, the sooner you can get over him and get a guy who treats you how you deserve to be treated. And it will happen. Dont ever sell yourself short. This guy will never be good enough for you and he will get what he deserves one day for how he has treated you. Believe me, you can look perfect and have a horrible personality which makes you look ugly. Dont change anything about yourself, get confidence and kick this loser to the curb.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Have you ever thought that he maybe using you for the fact that you 'buy him all the stuff he wants' ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): he sounds like a major jerk, and no need to feel bad about your weight. if you got it flaunt it. also i would dump him on the side of the road for a real man.
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