A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I married my husband, it was after he cheated on me and I knew the girl was pregnant. But I listened to his apology and believed he was sincere and loved him regardless and was ready to take on the challenge. After we got married, I found out he was texting her all day every day, literally, and then deleting them before he came home. When I called him out on it, he got angry but he stopped. Then I found out he was emailing her instead and talking trash about me to her, planning on meeting up for a booty call if they didn't get caught, etc. But when I called him out on it, he swore up and down they were just talking and it wouldn't have happened. So yet again I forgave him. After that the baby was born, he didn't take me to the hospital with him to see the baby cuz he thought it would hurt her feelings. He told me he would take me over to her house when she brought the baby home. It hurt but I went with it. Then he told me no, he wasn't going to take me over cuz her roommate was weird about people being in their house. Ticked me off. So then I found out he was texting her for hours again. When I called him out on it, he said that was his friend and the mother of his son, he was going to talk to her all he wanted. ... Needless to say, the battle ensued. He told me he would limit his interaction with her. And he did. But then he started going over there to see the baby when I asked him to bring him over. He would be gone for 2 and 3 hours at a shot. It infuriated me. And again, we fought. Then he wanted me to play softball on the team with everyone that knew he cheated on me but didn't tell me, including her. ...I left. And that changed him. For the past two months, he hardly talks to her unless it is just about the baby. He brings the baby over for a while. He told me we would go together to drop him off and pick him up, we wouldn't do anything that involved us being around her and that group of people. And that's been great. He says he is truely sorry for what happened earlier in our marriage and that he will never hurt me again and that I just need to trust him one more time.In the meantime, his other son from another woman prior to me is a brat. He hits my son and daughter and he can't control himself. My husband doesn't discipline and it is making me dread when that kid comes over. I don't know what to do. I love him to death, or else I wouldn't have married him and stayed with him through all of that. But I don't know if I can do it anymore. The cheating, I forgave him for. The stuff he did after our vows were said... that's different.I don't know what to do. I really don't. I am so torn. I don't know if I can ever truely trust him again and I don't know if honestly I want to deal with the whole situation for the rest of my life. I go back and forth and it breaks my heart to think of leaving but I also think of all the stress that would be lifted if I do...Help!
View related questions:
booty call, cheated on me, roommate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Ahhh! The first word that came to mind when I read all of this was - DRAMA!!!
It sounds like you both have together several children from different relationships. Having a child with someone whom you are no longer involved with is quite a tricky matter. It will be impossible for your husband to completely cut her out of his life - they have a child together - and I think you understand that given that you have children with other men.
In order to repair the relationship between you and your husband, I believe you two are going to need to sit down and put together a formal parenting plan. I think the parenting plan should outline things like - appropriate means of communications with the ex, appropriate methods of discipline, etc. I feel that if you can't get on the same page on these topics, it will be impossible for you to save the relationship. I feel that the children should come first - they deserve to have happy parents in stable homes, free of arguing and complete with proper discipline.
Loving someone doesn't make them a good husband, parent, partner, or friend. So I think it would make sense for you to get past the "loving him" issue - you can love again. Think about the future you want for yourself and your kids - and his kids too!
Hope this helps.
|
