A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for around two years now. I’m going to refer to him as ‘B’. I was introduced to B through a friend, and from the moment we first met we hit it off. We started sleeping together and we would always get in contact when he came to town (he lives about an hour out of the city). At first, the relationship was purely physical but then we started to text each other a lot and stay up talking all night for sometimes up to six hours at a time. One night, B came to town and we all went out together to a nightclub and like usual, we danced the whole night, kissed and then everyone came back to my flat. He told me (though he was drunk) that he really liked me and that he had been thinking that he really wanted a girlfriend. We cuddled and he treated me so lovingly and tenderly that night and the whole of the next day. We held hands and his friends were really happy that we had finally decided to get together.Then I didn’t hear from him for ages. And as hard as it was, I gave him space and didn’t talk to him or contact him until about 2 weeks later when he came online.We were talking casually and I decided to bring up the subject of what he had said to me that night and what had happened. He said that he couldn’t remember what had happened, and he couldn’t remember saying that to me.He laughed it off and said he felt embarrassed but that he didn’t want a relationship with me because he didn’t want to get hurt as he had been cheated on his last relationship.About a year went past, during which I was in a relationship with somebody else and because of that I didn’t talk to him.A few months after breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, I decided to get back in contact with B and we started chatting again and catching up. We exchanged numbers and text back and forth quite a lot, we made plans to go to a festival and our conversations were upbeat and interesting. We got on so well and had so much in common. I kept my cool though and although I still had some feelings for him, I told myself that I wasn’t going to get involved with him emotionally again.One night we were texting and he asked me what I was up to. I was staying with friends close to his home and so he invited me on a night out with him and my other friend who had introduced us. He drove to come and pick me up and he said that I could stay the night at his.I didn’t want to develop feelings for him like I had before, and I told myself that I was a different person now. I promised myself that I would not sleep with him, and I wanted to just let myself enjoy the night and I wanted to keep his respect.The night out, he seemed particularly attentive and protective of me, staying by my side the whole night and he introduced me to his friends. When people referred to me as ‘B’s girlfriend’ he kept smiling and every time I turned around he was there, looking at me. After the night ended, we went back to his and hung out for a bit before going to bed. I told him that I really enjoyed talking to him as we had so much in common and that we could talk for hours. He agreed and then said that he had missed talking to me when I had a boyfriend. He then went on to say that he had been thinking about me a lot the last two months and that he really liked me. I asked him why he only said things like this when he had had a drink and he said that it was when he came out with his true feelings.He said that he was glad I came and that he wanted to start hanging out with me more, and even invited me to his brother's wedding, which I politely said no to, as id only met his brother once. Nothing happened that night and we fell asleep almost straight after going to bed. I woke up with him cuddling me and I lay in his arms for hours. The next morning I went home and I text him later that day to tell him that id really enjoyed my night. I didn’t hear anything back but I didn’t think much of it.A couple of days later I heard back from the organizers of the festival we were going to together, and I text him asking him to call me so that we could organize plans, arrange transport, etc. After texting him a few times, I heard nothing back and the sudden realisation that he was actually ignoring me kicked in. I text him asking him what was wrong, and still nothing.I started to wonder why he was ignoring me. Was he ignoring me because he was embarrassed of what he'd said? Was he scared of his feelings for me? Or had he just been sweet talking me and emotionally leading me on so that I would sleep with him? A few days went by and I found myself in the area again, this time for a family event. I decided to text my friend to ask him if he wanted to go out afterwards as I didn’t have anything to do. He suggested I send a message to B and ask him out instead as he assumed we were now seeing each other. When I told my friend that I hadn’t heard from B, he seemed to think it was because of him as we’d spent a lot of time talking and catching up and he suggested his B was jealous and that id upset him. This was true, I had spent a lot of time talking to my friend and at the time, B had seemed a bit affected.I then decided to send B a text and ask him if he wanted to go for a drink and talk. I said that I hated falling out with people, said I was sorry if I had upset him and that I would appreciate a text or a call back. He text back about an hour later saying that he wasn’t ignoring me, he had been busy and he had simply forgotten to text me back. He said that he couldn’t meet me as he was busy but if I still wanted to meet up, we could make plans for the week after. I text him back saying I was glad he wasn’t upset and then I started making general conversation, and asked him when the wedding was.15 minutes went by, then an hour, and then two hours and then I realised that he wasn’t going to reply. Two days have gone by and I still haven’t heard from him.I’m really confused and I don’t know what to think really about it all. I feel really stupid and I feel really empty inside. I don’t know how he feels about me, if he even likes me or if he is just playing games. I think the question is, why would you ignore somebody if you liked them so much?Help please :(
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drunk, exchanged numbers, jealous, my ex, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou. I guess I just needed to see it from an outisder's point of view. This has really helped
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 I think what you've got on your hands here is the situation of "He likes you when he sees you."The deal is, he's attracted to you sexually and finds you compatible for conversation, but in his opinion, (and listen to me here) -You Are Not Girlfriend Material-.If he liked you -enough to date you monogamously- as a "steady girlfriend", he wouldn't forget to text you, or just stop texting you for days at a time.If you occasionally want to sleep with him and have no expectations of a relationship with him, then keep him on hold as a booty call but don't spend time with him otherwise. If you really want a REAL relationship from him, you're wasting your time. There's a saying that I believe holds true here: "Never make someone a priority in your life when you're just an option in their's."
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