A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,Due to my own concerns I decided to post this question.This is regarding my boyfriend whom I met online almost 3 years ago. We live a world apart, and I've been the one making all calls. He did call several times but that's it. He used this text message to tell me to call, "Call me." something like that. And if I didn't call rightaway he'd become the most rude person accusing me of ignoring him. He had made me go to the store just because I ran out of credit and he wanted to talk. I know it doesn't sound right. He'd spam my facebook wall with the same post telling me to call him if I didn't call rightaway. He did send me money twice to buy enough credit, which counts. But the way he acts sometimes irritates me. He told me that he's scared of losing me, that it would kill himself. Anyway, he hates it most seeing me talking to another guy online. He'd come across my account and block this guy. Sometimes his attitude makes me powerless. I oftentimes tell and remind myself that he did that because he loves me..Anyway, he's planning on coming here in November. He surprised me with this plan, which made me kind of uneasy. He's been pretty demanding all this time and I just don't know if this is pure love or not. My friends told me to be careful because it sounds like he's an abuser. I kind of understand why he acts like that because he went through a painful childhood and was pretty troubled when he was a teenager. My parents don't like him. They said I better off without him. What should I do? After all, this man has been the closest person I have talked to in the last 3 years and we've been through ups and downs together. Please help me by sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): I am glad you have finished with this guy he certainly had multiple "red flags". As another poster said definately cut all contact, change your number even change your fb if you have to. You obviously formed a bond talking for so long but you will, in time, meet someone who will show you how a lovely relationship works and actually be with you in person.
Be with friends for now to take your mind off of things
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 August 2012):
 He sounds like totally BAD news. The fact that you guys haven't met yet face-to-face after 3 years makes me ponder too..
Everything you write about him sounds scary, honestly.
And if you FELL in your gut that there IS something wrong DO NOT ignore your gut. Nor your family & friends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): If your instincts were not screaming at you to get a clue, and get out of this relationship, you would not be here asking this question.
Listen to your gut and kick him to the curb.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Well snap out of your spell. You're in the age bracket of 26-29 and you're taking like a teenager. You should know by now that love does not entail any spells and charms and neither does is it equal to abuse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I spoke to him just now and decided to break up. It hurts really bad. And it seemed to hurt him too. He said he just wanted to show me that he wanted to be with me, wanted to talk to me thats why he's been really demanding about the call.. I dont know if I'm under his spells but for now it just hurts too much..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): Hello
I don't want to sound over dramatic or really scare you but a woman in the UK met a similar type of man on fb. He ended up meeting her and killing her, little did she know he had a past history of violence towards his girlfriends because he was also very controlling. Unlike the man you know this guy actually tried to hide his psychotic tendencies.
Here in the UK that event has launched a possible change in the law and has resulted in two or three counties trailing a method where women can do criminal record checks on men they meet.
I am assuming you don't have that facility in your country and even if you did I echo the advice that you cut all contact and if he does have your address or you even think there is a 1% chance he has your address consult the police and what steps you can take to prevent him arriving on your doorstep.
Love is not having a man practically stalking you and hacking into your Facebook.
Please listen to your friends and family as they are the people that know, love and care for you and they are not under this mans spell.Take care
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (4 August 2012):
Your parents and friends are right, this man has psycho written all over him. You might have been through a lot together but is it worth the headache that he has been giving you throughout? He's creepy and I would run for the hills if I were you. And get rid of your twisted definitions of love and stop making excuses for him. Love does not mean stalking the other person or taking over their life and dictating terms. That is abuse, NOT love. If you choose to be silly, then there's no way we can make you see reason.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Please read and re-read your submittal, as often as necessary for you to see that this guy has absolutely NO INTEREST in you... OR, (aparently), in any other woman. HE is an "Alpha Male" who gets his kicks with controlling behaviour... and a malleable, accomodating woman - such as you - is his stock-in-trade....
I suggest that you discontinue ALL contact with him, shut him out of your thoughts in EVERY WAY.... and don't go near him if/when he travels to near or where you live. This guy is TROUBLE - with a capital "T"!!!!!
Good luck....
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