A
female
age
41-50,
*ayme79
writes:I have just moved out on my boyfriend of 1 year. We grew really close in this short time and we were talking about buying a house together and getting married and having children.When we 1st got together I was quite depressed. Early in the relationship he cheated on me twice with his ex. I did leave but he talked me around as I didn't like myself much back then and we ended up getting back together. He has a drug problem, and has a terrible habit of lying but he can be really sweet when he wants to be. He has gotten physical and has abused me verbally as well on occasions, when things aren't going his way he doesn't like it and trys to get control over me any way he can.I'm no angel either, I have gotten drunk a few times and lashed out when I really shouldn't have but all in all I believe I am a really nice person and I am quite attractive, however I do lack confidence.It feels like he picks on my faults to make me feel bad about myself to make himself feel better for treating me so badly. I have finally gotten strong enough to leave but we are still in contact and he is very nasty to me but says he wants to work it out. He says I think the worst of everything, but I really believe he has to take the credit for that as he has lied to me on many occasions and I have found out about it.I just want to know if anyone has been with someone like this and what the outcome was? I still really care for him despite the way he treats me and would love to work it out if he could be the nice person more often, but I don't truly beleive that will happen.Any similar experiences would be appreciated, it's just nice to know you are not alone..
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cheated on me, confidence, depressed, drunk, his ex, moved out Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 It's very unlikely he's going to change the pattern of his behavior. Things in a relationship generally stay the same or get worse; they rarely improve unless both partners are committed to changing drastically. Also, moving too quickly into a relationship means you might not have had the chance to learn all that you need to know about each other.
This guy does not sound like a good bet to me. Drug problems don't go away magically, nor does physically or verbally abusive behavior.
You have already shown yourself that you can be strong and have moved out! Good for you! Now keep reinforcing the things that give you strength and self-esteem.
You go, girl, you go!
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hi there,
If you want examples, there are dozens and dozens of stories like yours on this site. Look them up.
You will see situations mirroring yours. The girl think she still loves him even though he beats her up, tells her she is worthless and every single time it is HER fault.
Do you see the pattern here? Control, pure and simple.
What you need to do is change your mobile number, have no contact with this man ever again. If he hassles you contact the police and get a restraining order. He is a bully and a control freak you won't be able to live your life as long as he is trying to control you. Be brave and act now. If you feel weak contact a woman's group for support you will find many others like yourself whose confidence has been shattered by a monster.
good luck.
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