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female
age
30-35,
*aigha
writes: I had fallen for a guy who is staying beside my home. He is a kind of short tempered person. But the time whenever he is getting angry he doesn't even know that what he is doing. Whenever his expectations are not meeting he is showing anger that too by not picking calls..slamming doors etc. That too for simple silly things..for example if I am not calling him the time whenever he is expecting my call, after that he won't pick my call..but next day he will be normal. I was treating him as a kid and every time I was just neglecting. But recently I shared some posts in FB which was stating that "difference between dogs and human beings is dogs won't fake love". By seeing that he just removed me from FB and even he blocked me from his friend's profile as well because he is too possessive. May be he thought that I am treating his love as fake by sharing that post. But I didn't mean anything. Don't know why he is like this, before he was not like this and I feel like may be he is getting serious about me. But his sudden decisions like this making me scared. Whenever he is getting angry he is doing things blindly and after half an hour he will be back to normal. So many times I advised him to reduce his short temper but of no use. After doing all these he only will be suffering and he will come back and talk to me as normal. How can I handle him? Please advice me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 The only think you can do it take care of yourself. You can't and won't change him. He has a short temper and that's that. He also seems a bit childish and immature which may or may not change.
When my husband starts a temper tantrum I leave him. I go to another part of the house or I go out. And when I return that day I tell him that I'm done being abused for the day.
The next day is a fresh start but once he gets loud or abusive or intolerant again WE ARE DONE for the day.
Do not plan to change this man only plan on how you will take care of yourself. Walking away and giving him 24 hour time out EVERY TIME he is short, (no contact with you) may help.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Hi,
i agree with all previous readers.
The bottom line is, you cannot change this guy!
He will not change, not unless he himself, recognises that he has a real anger management problem and seeks professional help.
If you choose to remain with him, you are only setting yourself up for a lifetime of continual pain and disaster.
If you continue to stand by this man, he will not ever see that he has a problem and he will always use you as his sounding board, punching bag and more.
Why? You may say.
Because you are allowing him to get away with it!
He will always treat you like his punching bag, because he is in denial, doesn't see any better and because you're simply there and he sees this as a good reason to treat you badly.
He doesn't have enough self-love, self-respect, self-worth unfortuntely and why?
Most probably, bec this anger management stems from his childhood, whereby he may have witnessed his father abusing his mother, or vica versa.
I don't know for sure, but from all you've stated, it may be so.
Remember, YOU CANNOT "CHANGE" NOR "FIX" HIM.
Only HE can learn to recognise and choose to do that, but you can tell him that you're are finished with him and you'd advise him to seek professional help, so that he doesn't put anybody else through this ordeal in the future.
By informing him as to why you're leaving and what he should be doing, you are helping him to help himself and you are sparing other women, just like you, any future unecessary pain.
If he begs and grovels and asks you not to go, that he is sorry and will change, DO NOT BUY INTO THE BULLSHIT!!
Men like this, do not ever change, in fact, the longer you stay with him, the more permission and carte blanche you are giving him, to treat you even more badly and in the future he may start getting physical with you too.
Do not assume he won't. He is already proving to be very aggressive, childish, possessive, etc;, so it will only get worse.
You need to sit down and think seriously about what you truly want, where you are going and where you'd like to be 5 years from now.
I doubt very much that you need nor want, this stress layed upon you for the rest of your life.
Needless to say, this guy has no respect for you at all and how can he, when he doesn't even respect himself.
If you stay, that's your perogative, your CHOICE, but be warned, you are going to be worse off in the long run and you will always feel unsafe, afraid, disrespected and unloved.
Nobody deserves to be in that type of relationship.
Do not feel sorry for him. Think about you, your life, your wellbeing, your happiness, your stability and your own future.
PUT YOUR NEEDS FIRST AND FOREMOST!
All the best!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Really, like what is there to handle? Do you have a contract with him that says, you’re to suffer his abuse, be scared and advise him to reduce his temper?
He’s angry, easily irritated over silly things, controlling, possessive, passive aggressive, unstable; all problems best for professions to sort out. Plus IF he’s the same guy you wrote about last year, he’s also KOOKY disturbingly WEIRD!
Here you’re not qualified to be his dang Therapist! Leave him be and go on your way unless you want to be his punching bag or have an abnormal life? Take this opportunity to start ignoring him and close your curtains if he can see you from his window.
It would be best he sort help for himself, but he doesn’t seem to understand or realize he has a problem – DENIAL comes to mind. So no matter what you kindly try to offer he is incapable of hearing.
Take Care – CAA
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/feeling-nervous-and-unable-to-talk-to-him.html
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 The simple answer is you cannot handle him. This is who he is. He seemed okay to begin with because he hid it well, but now that you have both become closer he is slowly showing his real self.
Now you can continue on like this and it will get worse and worse and you will be unhappy. He will promise many times to change but he never will if you keep allowing him to behave like this.
The only thing that he can do is to get help for his anger. If he realizes that their is a problem and he wants to save the relationship then that is the only way forward, if he refuses help then my advice is to leave him.
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