A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:He wont go out with me because he says Im too good for him, that he wouldnt make me happy, and Id end up finishing with him. We both like each other alot, and everyone knows it. Im a model and I do get alot of attention. He is unemployed and has nothing to offer, however I really like him and always have. Ive tried to reassure him of this but he doesnt listen. Instead, he goes out with really nasty girls, and he tells me its because he knows that with them he is 'safe'. He tells me he doesnt like them that much but they are easy to go out with, and he wouldnt have to risk getting hurt. But he also tells me that he would love to be with me, that he likes me alot and always has done, hes even introduced me to his parents before and I was the only girl he has ever introduced to them. Yet he wont be in a relationship with me. It hurts me so much. I saw him last weekend and I gave him a final ultimatum, to either be with me or just forget the whole thing altogether for good. He chose to start seeing another girl, a girl who is dirty, a druggie, unemployed, and not attractive at all. And its broken my heart. So Ive decided from today that Im washing my hands of him. Ive deleted and blocked him on facebook. Ive told him not to contact me again ever, and to let me get on with my life. But it really does drive me mad trying to get my head around the fact that he chose to be with someone else, even though he doesnt really like her, because he wants the security rather than be with me, who he claims to really care about, just because he thinks Im too good for him. Does this make sense to anyone else?
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): It makes sense to me OP because he's not actually interested in you, you may be beautiful but you're obviously not his type.
"He wont go out with me because he says Im too good for him, that he wouldnt make me happy, and Id end up finishing with him."
OP that's just a gentle let down, that's the same as when a girl says "I'm not interested in dating anyone right now." and then you see them kissing another guy 10 minutes later.
OP this is a simple case of the words not matching the actions and his excuse being bullshit.
It would be nice if people just came out and said they're not interested instead of being flaky and giving false hope but it's up to us to decode the bullshit.
"I'm not interested in a relationship right now" = I'm not interested in a relationship with you.
"You're too good for me." = You're not my type and I'm not interested.
OP life is a lot easier when treat these things as black and white. When a guy says he likes you but won't actually date you or take it to the next level no matter what bullshit excuse he gives it always means he's not interested enough to be with you, which means he's basically not interested and doesn't actually see you as relationship material. Seriously once you've gotten over this treat any kind of similar situation this way and you'll save yourself a lot of heartache in the future.
You actually had a lucky escape here OP because if his reasons are actually true, while it definitely still means you're not his type, he would have made a horrendously shit, jealous, possessive, insecure and controlling boyfriend that would continuously feel less than you and totally have a case of "small man" syndrome.
You're right to cut him off, no more games, you can't have a guy in your life that you care so deeply about but can't have, it hurts too much.
For the future OP one simple rule will save you a lot of hassle, when you ask someone out anything but a 'yes' is a 'no', seriously no matter what reason, excuse or anything like that, if they don't say yes they're not interested so don't waste your time.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (29 July 2012):
 Yes, it makes sense.
Unfortunately, this man has deliberately chosen to pursue women who are unreliable, do drugs and generally don't take care of themselves.
Maybe he feels they are "safe" because he is unemployed, and in his own estimation, not worth much. He's not looking out for his own best interests - which, unfortunately, doesn't mean it would necessarily be good for him to be with you. He appears to recognize this and to sense that he'd only drag you down, even if not intentionally.
I really do think you have done the right thing by cutting him off. Now you need to grieve for a short while, and then start moving on with your life.
I'm sorry. I know this is a hard, hurtful situation.....
...............................
A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (29 July 2012):
 I'm sorry but his story sounds like bullsh*t. I dont know any guy who would turn down a girl they like just because she's too good for him. He is obviously spinning game with you. It's either that he doesn't like you as much as he says he does or he simply enjoys stringing you along. Infact, maybe he's more attracted to those nasty girls instead of to you. Just Because you're a model doesn't mean you are more attractive in his eyes. I've never been attracted to the model types because I honestly think they're too skinny and materialistic. So I always opt for the average, down to earth girl. He probably feels the same way. He probably thinks you're too high maintainence and he would rather find a girl closer to his status.Regardless, he chose someone else. A guy does not simply choose someone they're less attracted to. He chooses who he wants more. In this case it wasn't you. Move on. You deserve better than to have your heart strung along like this
...............................
|
