A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a curious problem and don't really know what to make of it. As it goes, I've been besties with a guy over the internet for nearly four years now. We've spent hours talking to each other about practically everything, fighting, arguing, joking etc.We even met up a few times, and he (along with a few other similarly close virtual friends) became my BFF just like real-life best friends of mine. The thing is, I'd always viewed him in a strictly platonic manner right from the start and never harboured any sexual feelings for him, and neither do I now to be honest.But from the last year, a common friend of ours has been constantly trying to link the two of us up,saying how perfect we would be for each other, gauging from the similarities in our characteristics (which is true when considered objectively, he and I have a lot in common and would make a compatible couple). Still I laughed it off and never tried to think of it in that manner. In fact, I got extremely irritated whenever the friend tried to bring it up or tease me about it. I, on the other hand, always felt that he had a thing for her (the common friend who teases me), from the way he talked about her in chats or the way he sometimes flirted with her in a joking manner in our Facebook/Yahoo group chats. Basically, that common friend and I both used to pull each others' legs regarding the guy. A month ago, that common friend told me very solemnly that the guy liked me and even gave out a few details regarding what he told her about me. I was thrilled to hear it, but nevertheless brushed it off since I'm not yet ready for a relationship and I didn't try to think of him that way. Still, it gave me a high to know that he liked me. But after a few days, I began to doubt the words that I'd been told, and therefore I confronted her with interrogative questions, to which she admitted that she had exaggerated a bit and he hadn't really directly told her that he liked me. I was miffed, but let it go. Today evening, we were talking through phone, and in the course of chat, she admitted that he, indeed, used to like NONE OTHER THAN HER!!! He'd even proposed marriage to her back in 2012 which she had declined since she already had a fiance (to whom she's married now. Also, she said that this was the reason they had temporarily stopped interacting post her marriage. She didn't cut him off completely since she didn't want to hurt a good friend, but maintained a distance from him nonetheless. Also, to her admittance, she'd always wanted the two of us together and so she made all those exaggerations that she fed me previously. Now, you might think that I shouldn't really care and feel vindicated since I'd always teased her too, but I didn't. In fact,I got a crushing blow. No idea why, but I feel a sort of pain which I cannot describe. As mentioned earlier, I never considered him in that way consciously (save a few idle "what if" moments) and wasn't ready for any relationships, but still I just couldn't handle the news. I keep feeling like "I did NOT need to know this!!!!" Its all in the past; she's happily married and he works out of the country, But its bothering me a lot. I tried to brush it off, but the dumpy feeling refuses to leave me. I know it makes no sense, but I desperately need to put a name to this. Please help.
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best friend, crush, facebook, fiance, flirt, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (13 May 2014):
Maybe it's a simple case of feeling validation because someone really likes you, then having it yanked from under you.
I'm not sure if that's enough answer for you, but I'm not sure what else needs to be said. You'll get over it in a few days.
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