A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. Advice needed. In love /lust with a woman who has a boyfriend. Yes it has turned into a torrid affair. Thing is we became close and realized how similar we are. But with her cheating, me being single she gets incredibly jealous but still wants to bed me??? I get jealous cos she has a fella??? I think we have both fallen in love but she thinks I'm a player and will not be interested if she splits and I don't help cos i tease cos i don't want to be seen as second best doormat. Its driving us up the wall cos its like the early stages of dating but she has a fella. I'm just as bad though? We have said we cannot play games cos its hard enough already but think shes testing me to see if ill be there for the long run? Help. I have just withdrew my attention a bit as she is going on pre booked summer hols (before the affair started with all his friends fam!!) and I'm going away with some girlfriends, friends only but she went nuts but likes thinking I'm a player? But the day before i spoke to her lots and gave her loads of reassurance made her feel special and she loved it. The next min we were having phone sex exchanging pics etc something she would not normally dream of doing. I think we are both as bad and the hols will make her mind up. They aint married and have no kids. Obviously there is something broken in theirs but what is it with ours. Its driving us both bonkers? any future? We have tried to stop before but feelings don't go away cos we both keep pursuing? I'm gonna have to stop soon though cos they aint broke up yet! Should i do this? Its like no strings sometimes but the bond is unstoppable between us and keeps growing and it probably started as no strings? Help!!
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affair, broke up, has a boyfriend, jealous, phone sex, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): It's amazing the crap we humans will put ourselves through, and unnecessary crap at that.
What do you expect dude?
What the heck is going on inside of you that you would even think that such a decison would bring you happiness? Why would you want to invite this drama into your life?
DOINK!
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (14 September 2007):
 Too bad for you really.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (13 September 2007):
Demand that she make a choice and tell her you will be faithful. If she won't she's the player, not you.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 She's having her cake and eating it here and you're her "bit on the side" just now, horrible to hear I know but true nevertheless. If you want to win this lady over you need to be firm and stand by what you say! Put your cards on the table with her. Let her know that you DO want to be with her and her alone, that you've never been a player but only hung around with those women to make her jealous. I also suggest that you let her know how much it hurts you to be second best and if she really wants to be with you then she needs first to finish the relationship she's in. Like I said you need to confirm this by your actions! Let her know you won't be contacting her again (no matter how much you feel like doing so) and that you only want to hear from her again if she breaks things off with the boyfriend.
If you keep to this then you'll find out her true feelings but if you relent and get back with her then she'll NEVER respect anything you say as she knows she can wrap you round her little finger.
Stand up for yourself here. Let her see how strong you can be and you might be surprised with the results!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Your going to do your head in thinking like this,you just did a huge ramble of babble,because you are so confused.I had a wild affair just like this,it started so intense,so confusing,so very hard to explain,because there was so much attraction,it was suppose to be a n strings attached deal,as time went on,things just went from sex to,wow we had alot in common.To holy crap,i think there is more.This went on for 2 years,you need to slow down,relax some,let it unfold naturally,it is clear if both get jealous,there is more there.Do not push at it,do not give ultimatiums,let it unfold as it will in time,in the meantime,you need to try and focus on other things,and let the relationship process unfold in due time.Starting with no strings,is a way to feel someone out,as time goes by it is a natural course to start and feel for one another,especially if they are sexually involved.She will go on holiday,then she will either miss you or not,and realise,this time away will let her mind clear aswell.But do try to slow your mind down before you do go crazy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I doubt you could ever trust her as you are screwing her while she has a boyfriend. What makes you think she won't do that to you? You should not have gotten involved with a woman who has a boyfriend. Are you a player? It kind of sounds that way to me..I guess all you can do now is watch the chips fall. But I do not think it is going to be smooth sailing I am afraid.
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