A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair with A, a guy from work. And I called it off after 2 weeks, no more texts, phone calls, email, facebook.I felt really bad and guilty towards to my bf, because deep inside me i know it is not his fault that he has to work long hours, and have no time with me.My bf and I decided to move away. New job, new people and new life. And we are happy.Couple of weeks ago, he called me at 2 in the morning, asking me if I wanna have sex with him, i didnt want to get involve with that conversation, so i just hang up the phone.Straight after the phone, he facebook mailed my bf, and told my bf that i had an affair with him, also using fxxking alot in that messege. (PS we reported to facebook about him using abuse/threating/aggressive language to us.)My bf didnt believe what he said, but ask him to prove it as A said he has got all the evidence, such as texts, or emails. A then didnt reply to my bf.Now, last night, he texted me again, at 23.45. Saying he will now bring all the evidence to my bf's previous work place, and ask them to pass them on to my bf.I am very scared and worried.Is there anything I can do to stop him interferring my bf and me ever again?Shall I go ahead and take any legal actions against A?Such as go to police/lawyer ask for help/protection?Or get the lawyer to produce some legal paperwork to him, his work and his university (ongoing master course) that if he is ever trying to contact us, especially with his inappropriate language within the emails/texts and phone calls at night.I just want to move on my life with my bf, life is hard enough, i dont need A to stir it up more.Please help me.
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affair, facebook, move on, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, James the Rocket  +, writes (28 August 2010):
Show him your question in this forum. When he reads it he will understand completely and I believe he will forgive you and realise just what a waste of space that man from your former work was.
Your boyfriend will be hurt, but that's natural. So show him all this written here before that other turd shows your boyfriend the evidence, or before he starts wondering.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): YOU can resolve all this by admitting. why are you still lying. it is not your ex lovers fault that you cheated. you may want to hide the truth but lets face it you don't have much love and respect for your bf do you. stop with your games and learn to do the honourable thing and admit to your affair. or else welcome to being a porn star on the big screen
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 August 2010):
Sorry girl. I know you're thinking "it was just a misstep, why should my bf have to know? Ignorance is bliss!" And if this guy gave up, it would be much easier for you indeed.
Infortunately in the real world cheating usually comes out one way or the other. So you might as well take the wind from his sails, tell your bf the truth and accept the consequences.
That's the most 'graceful' way out of this, because if you make a big fuss with legal action, "A" will be even more persistent in bringing you down, and down you will go.
Your choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Tell your boyfriend. Karma has just came and bit you. You are now happy and settled, but your one mistake in a moment of unhappiness can ruin everything you have now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2010):
 It's Karma knocking on your door.. Be honest with your BF & open the door.
TAKE responsibility for YOUR actions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): There's nothing you can do. The truth will out
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (13 August 2010):
 TimmD is right.tell the truth. nothing really anybody can do for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Time to face the music, and be accountable for your own behavior. That is the only way to make this "go away".
On a side note, you have no legal leg to stand on. A complete defense to charges of slander? The truth. And as you well know, the truth is on his side - not yours.
When you behave badly, selfishly, disregarding the hurt you may cause in those who love you, why would you expect a jilted lover to treat you any better. It's time for atonement. Let the clear light of truth make this all go away. Mhopefully at the end, your bf will still be by your side. If not, now you have learned a valuable lesson for your next relationship.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (13 August 2010):
 There is a very very very easy way to make this other guy go away. It's a tactic used by top level specialists who deal with celebrities being blackmailed. You need to take away the blackmailers power and leverage over you. Do you know what that is? Telling your boyfriend the truth.
Yes, it'll suck. He'll be mad. But this is the only way to be truly free from all of this. The second you do that, this other guy can do nothing. He'll have nothing else to threaten you with. He'll just go away.
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A
female
reader, LisaSE  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 You need to decide what to do, but there are several options.
- "A" might contact your bf and he'll find out from "A".
- You could sit your bf down and talk it out from start to finish.
- You could press charges of some kind and it will result in a more public outing of your situation in court
I think you need to realize that the odds of this NOT coming out are very slim and you need to decide if you want to gamble those odds or not. If not, you need to pick the "lesser of the evils" way of him finding out.
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A
female
reader, Morrissey-fan +, writes (13 August 2010):
You need to tell your boyfriend. He has a right to know and you have no right to keep this to yourself so the guy who is going to tell your boyfiend is intact the moral one here.
Hope your boyfriend can move on and find someone nice and caring and most importantly faithful because he deserves someone better
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Maybe you should tell your boyfriend yourself, Before this other guy does. Because i can tell you now, if YOU tell your boyfriend it will be alot easier for him than if This other guy did, and then, If you explain everything to your boyfriend and he decides to fogive you he can turn around to this other guy and say SO? we have sorted it out, im over it get over it your self. And then this other guy has nothing to tease you or your partner about. Hopefully your partner is very forgiving, and although having a cheating partner destroys all trust, hopefull you can work to make that better.
Because if he can proove it it will just be worse than if you were to tell him your self.
And then this other guy should have no reason to stay in ur life, but if he does then get legal action to take part, and keep him away from you.
Good luck what ever you decide xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): If you love your bf you will tell him the truth. No relationship can work when you live a lie and have serious secrets like that.
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