A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Bit strange, so bear with me!The woman I was seeing, broke up with me just over a month ago. She'd previously been in an abusive relationship but we were very happy together. We were talking about moving in together and having kids, the whole deal.After she split up with me she went back to her ex. She moved out of her flat and took her two kids back into his house. They were on/off for a couple of weeks and he made her change her phone number and checks her emails. After what she'd told me about him I was worried about her and the kids. She wouldn't talk to me and avoided me at work. In the end I was so worried that I spoke to her manager (who's also her friend) and told her what she'd confided in me. The intention was that if things went wrong thre would be someone else around to support her.Over the last month, she's moved back into her flat twice (along with her kids). I asked if we could remain friends but she told me that we'd never really been involved and she didn't want anything else to do with me. I'm not proud to admit it, but I started checking her phone for messages. It confirmed that she was desperate to get back with her ex. She told him that she'd distanced herself from me and was asking him to marry her. As far as I can tell they have split up, but in the meantime she's tried to get back with her ex-husband (father of her kids) and she's also been seeing a couple of other blokes.I'm worried that she's going to self-destruct. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have kids. I still care for her and do worry what's happening to her. I think even after everything that's happened I would take her back if she asked (stupid, I know). I've stopped checking her phone, but don't know what to do. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I've already been warned off.
I sent a thank you card to her parents just after we split up as they'd invited me on holiday with them. Nothing damaging or offensive, just to say thanks for the invite, but that we weren't together anymore. When she found out what I'd done she threatened me with a harrassment complaint if I contacted her parents again.
I wouldn't want to get social services involved as she's in the process of divorcing her husband and he's fighting for custody. If she loses her kids I think she'd fall apart even more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): i dont know the degree of the abuse.. but it mustn't have been a lot cos obviously she thinks she's safe with him.. it's hard to say what to do but i think cloverfield gave you good advice..
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A
male
reader, Cloverfield +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Honestly, other than advising her friends & family of your concerns & advising her that you'll be there as a friend if she needs a bolt-hole, there's not much you can do.
The only alternative is to contact Social Services & advise them of any concerns you might have regarding the children. Contrary to common belief this wont cause a storm of trouble, but they will note it on their file, if one exists, for possible future use.
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