A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm at the end of my wits. I love my gf a lot but my patience is really running out :(Everything seemed fine about a week ago. She was getting close to me. We would hug close in bed and it all seemed to be going well. But things fell apart the night before she had to get up to lead her group of tourists to Bali. I failed to find the right spot after trying for nearly 20mins to get her to orgasm. She gave up and turned cold to me. Just lied there and turned her head away from me in frustration. I tried to kiss her and she pushed me away. Then straightened herself up and went to sleep. Later I copped a hit in the face in my sleep. She was still very horny and frustrated at not being able to release. She saw my upset face in the morning and she apologised and said that she should never done that to me as her bf. She seemed genuinely sorry so I let it go.The next time we tried was at 3am the day she got back from her trip. She claimed to be really horny from the trip...but she fell asleep quickly because I couldn't make her comfortable.Finally, the next night she had a lot on her mind about her work, the bosses criticising her for not earning enough money on the tour and apparently me asking to spend some quality time with her in between (I meant to see her for an hour or so before she had to leave again to go overseas). So we tried oral again and it failed again. She turned cold and angry at me for not being able to get it right. Said she didn't have the patience for me (and didn't want to 'wait for me to practice to find it again') because she had to get up very early. I tried to hug her but she told me to get away from her. I persisted and she told me to grow up and act like man. Then started to fight with me and tell me that my problem was that I had been seeing other girls while she was away and had forgotten the spots that work for her. Then claimed that she wasn't sure she could have the feeling with me anymore, that she wasn't sure of our love because 'i forgot something so important'. This cut through me very deeply...I was pouring everything I had into trying to have a good/close night together and maybe enjoy some sex.The next morning she told me off saying I was like a kid and kept making too many mistakes and was in debt which was a real turn off. I owe some money to a friend for my rent because the school I was teachign at didn't pay their staff on time. She was also unhappy because she was exhausted from not sleeping properly. Just flew out of the door without saying goodbye. Stupid me tried to follow her and to say goodbye and she just pretended like I didn't exist as she got in the taxi and it sped away :-/We've been living together for about 8 months and knew each other for over a year.The distances apart are not working well because instead of thinking of her, I often start to feel further away (especially after we fight) :(I keep asking myself how much longer this crap has to go on? It's been 2 weeks without sex. I feel like I'm being used or she has someone else on the side. She's caught onto me thinking there's someone else and gave me a lot of grief over it. I have to occasionally reassure her that I still trust her 100%.I do feel she still loves me. It's just difficult when attempts at trying to be intimate sometimes fail and lead to cutting remarks.I'm trying to see it from her perspective: her bf cannot please her and she is frustrated from not being able to release.She describes being disappointed in me...which makes it sound like she looks down on me sometimes.It's immature behaviour and I'm trying to work my way through this. Yes this is my first serious relationship!
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 This crap, as you put it, will go on for as long as you allow it to go on or until she finds someone else which she will sooner rather than later. She has lost respect for you and once a Chinese woman's respect for a man is gone it isn't coming back. The longer that you put up with it the more contempt she is going to have for you. You absolutely have to draw a line under this and bring the relationship to an end. It is not going to get any better.
All you can do is exit the situation with as much decency and dignity as you can muster and then take what you have learned from this relationship and apply it to the next one.
The good news is that there are so many beautiful, sweet, kind and lovely Chinese girls out there that you will find a better one very soon. Start with a clean slate and be more of man next time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Hi, I think you have a very seriouse problem, well im a girl and trust i know how girls think, I think that you gf is angry about something that she is not telling you and that gets in the way of your sexual life. but i think you need to get out of that relationship cuz its draining all your energy and from my point of view it seems like your the only one trying so hard for this relationship to work but and it takes two to make it right. if she is no longer in love you why cant she just tell you cuz i feel that everyone deserves to be happy and loved. or maybe she has an anger problem that she needs to sort out cuz its ruining your life. Try to talk things out and if the problem continues set her free.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): I think you need more space than she does.. a wake up call like the ones she's giving you is uncalled for, venting her frustrations on you. Putting everything you've spoke here together, it appears her sexual tension stems from her insecurities about you. For example, she insinuated you've been exploring other girls' areas, and that you can't get her off because you've forgotten how to find her spots.. That's really immature, but she obviously has issues and needs to resolve them before you can be treated better, and not get slapped upside the head as soon as you start snoring. All in all, this girl needs to start missing you, so I would give her a break until she grows up a little.
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