A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is how it is, i met this awesome guy named R.E. at school, and him and my bestfriend were going out when i met him, but then he broke up with her and me and him started going out, but i had a boyfriend that was on the football team and he was a HOTTIE, and i was willing to leave my hot football player boyfriend for R.E. but before i had a chance to brake up with my football boyfriend R.E. found out about him, but i explained to R.E. that i wanted to be with him and so he forgave me and we had a great day. but then when i came back to school monday he ask me if i was still going out with the football player, and i said no but i really was. and then he told me he was sorry but he had to brake up with me and he was going out with someone that he met over the weekend. and to find out he left me for a high school GEEK that was ugly a SMART. and to beat it all she is kinda chubby! i just couldn't figure out why he would want something like that. Now he has been going out with this geek girl for over 9 months and i still havent got over him. i even went out with 5 guys and R.E.'s best friend, i just can't get over R.E.! and i want him back and i want to show him that me and him is the better match. also R.E. is always flirting with me. sometimes his all over me and i love it. please help me get my TRUE LOVE?????????
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best friend, broke up, flirt, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 wow i got back to this..the response to this question has been over whelming lol with a lot of debate....i am sure the girl got the answer!!best of luck!
A
female
reader, Yargh +, writes (13 July 2008):
 You might want to follow in R.E's footsteps and go find a "geeky" boy. They are often quite nice, and may introduce you to some thoughts and ideas that you had not previously considered. You may learn that labeling people is pretty idiotic anyway. As a bonus, if they are a bit pudgy they are more comfortable to snuggle with! Good luck, and try to keep an open mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hehe I'm being so unprofessional! =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Oh sorry, that sound was meant to be send. I sent this one because I didn't think your helium filled head would work it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Before I write anything, sound me all the abuse in the world if you want to. I don't care, if you want our opinion as you asked for it then I shall give you it.
For one, how shallow are you?! I know a lot of people have, practically told you how you appear. The guy below me was totally spot on. After someone for physical appearance gets you nowhere in life. Its your personalities. They will get bored of you if they don't match.
To be honest I prefer girls like the one 'R.E.' is dating. They're smart, they're not shallow, and chubby is healthy - not obese but chubby is. Not like a stick or trying to slim down because the models do it.
At least 'R.E.' has got some sense then. As I said, you are shallow. You won't believe me, you won't believe anyone else here I know that. I'd be suprised if you even read this. But you will find out one day and you will find it out the hard way.
You know them slags you watch on TV?! The ones that have a crush on a guy at the start of the movie whose really in love and in a good relationship with someone else already? Then someone comes in and breaks it all up and seduces him?
I can see you being like that...
Prove me wrong.
By the way, POPULAR?! You won't be popular out of school. School is a trapped up prison environment where people label themselves 'popular' if they intimidate someone else. Or they bully them. Or they feel powerful over them.
At least 'geeks' are a little more down to earth. They understand the world and things don't go straight over their heads.
They'll have good careers, happy families and live a very long and fun filled life.
You will die lonely. Sort it out now.
Oh yeah to answer your question. Spend the time occupying your mind - like doing what other people have suggested; or at least me anyway, by SORTING OUT YOUR LIFE.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): You sound absolutely pathetic.
Seriously, from what you've presented in your situation, you sound like the kinda girl I'd go out with, if I were looking for a brief, purely physical---maybe a quick lay---relationship, someone with no substance or sense in her head.
But in life, it's my view that people can't live like that forever, because let me tell you, there's NO contest between the sleezy, superficial relationship, and the rewarding, fulfilling emotional-connection relationship. Men don't want girls like you in the long run; frankly they'd get quite bored and irked with you.
So obviously that "geek" sounds like an all-around better person than you, and will have a much more fulfilling, happier life than you ever will with your loser attitude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hi Ms Anonymous, why don't you mail me direct, I'd love to have a word from you..... Oldfool, DeeJuliet, what am I doing wrong.... Oh I see, there's no point, she likes to contact people, but dosen't like when they reply. Forget it Dear Caller, no need to respond. You present as 18-21 (overage) and currently living in the USA. Girl you need to fix yourself and learn to move on.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (13 July 2008):
 I, too, found a nasty bit of mail in my box from this young person (I hesitate to use the term 'lady' as I think she is anythin but). It stated ~Hun you may like geeks but a geek stole my boyfriend that i risked alot for. and sorry to tell you but that fat nasty geek is going to be put back in the band club were that fat geek belongs ok. so don't get it twisted.~ She blocked me from sending a reply so since I cant privately reply to her I will do so publicly right here: This young lady did not 'steal your boyfriend' as he was not yours in the first place. You had only just started going out and you were cheating on him by still being with your hunk of a boyfriend that you were too gutless to break it off with. She did not steal him because she did not know of your existence. What did you risk to be with him? You cheated on your boyfriend to be with him and that is certainly a risk. A risk at being found out either by him or by the boyfriend and then losing all, including your reputation. That hardly qualifies as 'risking a lot to be with someone'. That was selfish, imature behaviour that should not be rewarded. The Aunts on here have been very gentle and kind with their advice to move on. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but it the very best advice you are going to get and I suggest you take it and get off this self destructive path that will not land you a boyfriend, but will only cause trouble.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Again Oldfool you are right, thank you for reminding me not to be so judgemental. This is an advice site after all, and we are not here to offend but to try to offer advice and support.
Hi Ms Anonymous, first of all let me appologise for my hurtfull words. In my defence, it's because when I read your story I became very angry on the behalf of your ex and his new girlfriend. You say your in love, and you believe that what you are feeling is True Love, of course you must be upset, of course you must be hurt. Unfortunately because of the way you behaved it is difficult to give you any advice on how to get this man back.
He was you ex-friends boyfriend, then he started going out with you. Unfortunately you were two-timing him, you was seeing somebody else and cheating on them behind their back You put this guy in a difficult position, of course he finished with you. You lied to him, you lied to your boyfriend you were seeing at the time. This guy has no reason to believe that you won't lie and cheat again. He will never trust you. Then you started dating other guys. Of course it hurts to be rejected and of course you needed to see other guys to get your confidence back. But why did you have to date five other guys, that dosen't look good. To this guy it looks like your not serious and couldn't be faithfull and stick to just one man. Also why did you have to go with one of his good friends. Again that must have hurt him badly, probably as badly as your friend felt when you started dating her ex-guy. It's not nice to come between friends. I know that at the time, his friend was single and so was you, but for some people an ex going out with a friend is bound to stir up negative feelings. He probably thought you were trying to hurt you and again he will be scared (especially because you done this before) that you do this thing all the time. How can he be sure that your not after him because you want to hurt his friend that you dated.
Finally he probably dosen't think that you and he are compatiable. You usually like hot football players, he on the other hand likes fat, chubby, geeks that probably are not half as pretty as you. For all these reasons, you must forget about this guy, he will probably never trust you again. You must put a stop to this flirting. I don't think he's flirting with you because he likes you, he's been with his girl for 9months and there's no evidence to show that he will leave her. He's flirting with you because he wants to hurt you, he wants you to fall in love with him and he wants you to know that he prefers somebody else instead. He's trying to hurt you because he feels that you have treated him and other people wrong.
Please stay away from him. In fact you should probably forget all about guys for a while. The way you have treated this guy and other people will damage your reputation. You may soon find that you gain the title of "most unpleasant girl in the school." Nobody deserves this, Oldfool is right, nobody deserves to be called names, no matter what they do. Please forget about guys and hang out with your girlfriends instead. In time hopefully people will forget how you have behaved, and then you can start dating again. Take care of you, good luck.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (12 July 2008):
 The OP has apologised privately for her outburst. And I was impressed that she admitted that she's used to getting her own way and needs to change.
I don't think that people should be just written off as "hopeless". It's always possible for people to change. The OP is young and has some growing up to do, just like most of us at that age. The situation was obviously causing her a lot of distress and I think it's our responsibility as "agony aunts" to help her find a way to get over that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Your a very kind man Oldfool. I didn't even bother with this one. A nasty little cheat who uses and abuses men. Five guys and one of them a friend of a friend. R.E is well shot of her. He knows a loser when he sees one and so do I.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (12 July 2008):
Just as I was posting the previous posts, I got the following message from the OP in my mailbox:
"hun please! just wanna tell ya, i'm not a nasty hoe k. and R.E. should be with someone like me not a fat nasty geek ok. get it right sweetie."
Definitely not cool, and not going anywhere. Oh well, we can only try.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (12 July 2008):
"Despite their image as gorgeous, masculine hunks, I've heard from a number of people that they are not always terribly good lovers."
I was talking about football players here.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (12 July 2008):
OK, I apologise for my previous reply. I don't normally like putting people down when they are asking for advice, but your post just rubbed me up the wrong way. I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't get the guy you wanted. It happens, more often than you think. I can only suggest you should move on with your head held high. Your obsession with R.E. isn't bringing out the best side of your character and by desperately dating all these guys you're actually losing your dignity.
I think you are young and haven't come to realise that people shouldn't be judged in terms of "hot" or "awesome". Despite their image as gorgeous, masculine hunks, I've heard from a number of people that they are not always terribly good lovers. Not saying they're all like that, but there are too many that rely on their masculinity and fail to develop any sensitivity. As for R.E., I'm not sure what is "awesome" about him, but I presume you are talking about looks.
One thing in his favour, however, is that he judges people on their personality rather than just appearances. While this girl that you dismiss as a "geek" may be "chubby", she may have other things going for her that far outweigh any superficial defects (or at least things that are considered defects in your eyes). Instead of hating or envying her, have a closer look at what he might find attractive about her. I'm sure you have good qualities; try and build on them and you will find yourself more and more in demand from guys like R.E. There are lots of guys out there who are maybe not quite so "hot" or "awesome" but may turn out to be great guys. Just give them a chance.
I'd also have to say here that you R.E.'s behaviour doesn't quite stack up either. He had already found a new girl when he asked you whether you were still with your hottie football player. So he was actually looking for a way to dump you anyway. It's also wrong from him to flirt with you so shamelessly. If he already has a girlfriend, this is not only disloyal to her (even if he considers it harmless), it's also quite hurtful to you.
I sincerely hope that you can grow up a bit. I don't mean that as an insult. Growing up means learning how to deal with the world in a better way. Growing up will make you happier, because you will be able to get the things that you want, and yield gracefully when you can't. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): To be honest...I am to speachless to answer this question..Are you really that shallow? I think RE is a great judge of charater. Please do some self examaning. YOu may find that you are the one that needs to open there eyes...not RE
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (11 July 2008):
Sounds like R.E. and you would be a terrible match.
1. You are a liar. You lied to him that you broke up with your HOTTIE football team hunk.
2. You are really up yourself. What makes you think you are so good that you can refer to other people as "chubby" and "something like that"?
3. You are shallow. You obviously prefer HOT and AWESOME guys, without any concern for content.
4. You are desperate. 5 guys and his best friend? Sounds pretty cheap and nasty to me.
No, it seems to me that R.E. has got you sized up nicely. He sees what a shallow thing you are, a jealous little tart who's only good for a cheap flirt. He's got his "geek", and she must be really something compared to you that he's still with her after 9 months.
Oh yeah, one more thing, if you ever do manage to destroy R.E.'s relationship with his "geek", it will show what a truly nasty piece of work you are.
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Just because you are shallow doesn't mean he is. Even if /you/ think she's a 'chubby geek', that doesn't mean he does. Some people can see beyond labels and appearance.
He's still with her, so he's obviously not into you. Leave it alone and move on.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (11 July 2008):
I happen to really like geeks and intelligence is a bigger turn on than a pretty face any day! Looks fade, but a great personality and intelligence never do. My boyfriend was crazy for a girl when he was 22 and she 18. She was 5'10", 120 lbs, with hair down to her waist and looked like a model. He fell for her because she was so beautiful. Now she is a welfare Mom, sponging off everyone she knows, loser, user, dull personality and fat to boot! Nope, the guy who choses someone just cause they are pretty is pretty dumb. Now RE has chosen someone who may not be beautiful, but who obviously has something to contribute to the relationship. They have fun together, talk, enjoy the same activities, whatever! Plus, she never lied to him and deceived him like you did, so she has a clean slate while yours is pretty muddled. Time to move on. He isnt your 'true love'. He is the 'one that got away' and you just want him back because you cant have him and are upset that he would choose someone you disdain over you.
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A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (11 July 2008):
well cause RE realised that u are just making use of him,why would he want a materialistic mean girl when he found true love in the other girl who u call a geek..beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.it does not count always,u have to be beautiful on the inside too..not all guys go for looks!!!here is one example for u..just leave him alone and let him be happy with his new found love and y dont u find someone ur type..best of luck
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