A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have been in this long distance relationship for 4 years, and now we are finally moving in together. But, our relationship has not been in our best. He has lied to me several times, and it has been hard for me to trust him, and we are constantly fighting about it. I am a very insecure person, and at the same time I think he brings my insecurity b/c all of his constant lies. I have confronted him, but he denies all of them. Also, I don't feel he has done lots of things for me. For example, I could care less about money or work if it meant for us to be together and happy; but he is not same towards me. I don't feel he goes the extra mile for me...if you know what i mean..Now, I am here, 2 weeks from moving in together; and I am wondering: Would he ever change? Would he start being honest with me? Would we make it as a couple? What about if he is not the one? Could the one be still out there? What if he disapoints me again? I am afraid he would lie (or cheat) on me again and then it is too late for me to start again since I am already on my thrities..PLEAS HELP ME ANSWER MY QUESTIONS...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Honey dont do it. I was in a LDR with the man of my dreams...we knew each other for over a year before we decided I should move me and my two sons up there to live with him. In the year that we dated, he lied to me several times about various things but I could never "prove" it so I allowed him to make me believe I was just imagine things. I ended up picking up and moving me and my kids to place where I had no family and didnt know anyone...Long story short, in the three years I have lived here, he has lied, quit several jobs and left me supporting him and my two kids and his two kids (6 people on one salary), lied to his family so much that they now believe that I am a horrible person, and cheated on me several times with numerous people. Once with his ex wife and ended up giving me an STD for that encounter! I am here completely alone, he has ruined me financially to where now I am in the process of filing bankruptcy and have now money to go back home with. If you have any doubts at all please dont do it. Dont take the chance. Its a big step even if everything is perfect let alone when there are several problems. Please please take care and be very cautious in this. I wish you all the luck in the world.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Well I am wondering why are you moving in with him if he has continously lied to you in the past? Why agree to move in with him in the first place?
All these doubts are pretty natural before you make a big step in a relationship like moving in with someone, so maybe you are just getting cold feet. However, if you are questioning whether he is the right man for you and if he has lied to you then this signals that something isnt right.
Even if you are in your 30's, it is not too late to start all over again. I have a feeling you may be moving in with this guy and putting up with his behaviour because you just dont want to have to start dating again and going through all the hassle of meeting someone new, therefore you are just settling for what you are with now. If you are worried about the good old "biological clock" then you have no need to worry, you can get your eggs frozen as a back-up option and then you wont have to worry about getting pregnant later on.
If you really are with this guy purely because you dont want to start all over again then this is wrong - you should be with someone because you love them and they love you, they should make you feel amazing not insecure. Your age shouldnt be a factor in this - dont rush to settle down just because all your friends are married etc.
Moving in together is only going to make your relationship worse not better - when you are living with someone, seeing them every single day it brings out so many new issues that you could never even imagine. So if it is rocky now and full of arguments, then I'm afraid it will probably get worse.
How much money have you comitted into this move? If there is a way out of it I suggest you take it - a compulsive liar will always remain a liar and he will just find new ways of hiding it from you. This relationship doesnt sound like it is based on equality and this man is very unlikely to change - you have put yourself in an unfortunate situation by even agreeing to move in with him!
It sounds like there are so many problems here and I dont think moving in together is a good idea - although it could just be a bad case of cold feet! Only you will know whether this is something serious or not - trust your instincts and go with what feels right in your heart.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, hailey_heartbroken +, writes (7 May 2009):
me and my ex were in the same sort of role he cheated,he lied,he let me down and i forgave him after 2 and a half years when it came to living together i wasnt sure he was the one anymore...now we have been over for 2 and a half years and although i dont regret leaving him now i would do anything to have him back. Maybe living together isnt the best thing it may make you stronger or it may destroy you but its worth giving it a shot call it experience, you dont know unless you try, go for it but just dont devote you all when doing it, that way you still have something left if he lets you down...good luck xx
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