A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here’s the problem - hope some people feel they can offer a little insight:First, to avoid confusion, I’m gay. I’m in a relationship, which appears to be showing signs of being serious. My boyfriend and I have an age gap - I am 33 and he is 20. The difficulty I’m up against is that, though we have an excellent relationship, the age gap is not an issue and we don’t even look to others like there is a gap (I look younger and he looks a bit older), I am worried sometimes as he is really, really good-looking, really knows how to dress and to be honest I understand all the attention he gets when we are out. He is a model, and gets compliments literally wherever he goes.I do get attention too, I am not ugly but I am well-aware of my boyfriend’s looks. He treats me really well, tells me he loves me and says that all these compliments mean nothing to him, which I believe, but still in my head, next to him, I feel like people wonder why he is with me, and I have to say I wonder myself what he sees in me. I am not a model, I’ve no money; I’m quiet and I’m just a teacher. So what could someone so admired and so good-looking see in someone who can’t possibly ever match up, and what can I do also to keep from being jealous etc?
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male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (15 November 2010):
He is with you because as he said he loves you. I likes who you are. He doesn't care about looks. I it sounds like he just cares about what kind of person you are and not what you do and don't have. If all he cared about was what you look like, what your job is, or how much money you have this would be a shallow relationship. He is not with you for what you can give him in a literal sense. He is with you because something about you makes him happy. If you really are so worried about this then ask him why out of anyone he could be with, why he chose you.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 November 2010):
 There is a reason he chose you and not someone else. Have some confidence. Be proud that YOUR guy is getting compliments, its almost like you are getting compliments for you. My bf is just delicious and he has women hit on him all of the time, he told me himself that i'm beautiful and there is a reason he chose me and not the "hot" ones.
There is a reason he is with you. Learn to love who you are and if you aren't happy with the way you look, then fix it, exercise or whatever to make you happy. Don't be insecure, you are one of a kind and i'm sure that you're bf realizes that. Good luck!! I hope this helps you a little.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Who's your boyfriend with? YOU!
Although getting compliments and attention from others can be flattering, they dont mean anything when you're happy with your SO. Your boyfriend chose to be with you so focus on that. Don't let insecurities stop you from being in a happy, great relationship. Thoughts like, "what does he see in me? I'm not good enough" can take over your life. Don't let that happen and decide NOW that you'll stop thinking thoughts like that or you're always going to think that way (and thats not good).
You say you're the quiet, teacher type, then that's exactly what your boyfriend likes since he's with you :)
Choose to be happy in the present. You'll feel like you wasted energy (energy you could have used to love!) being insecure and doubtful if you two do end up being together until the end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): No one can know all the variables that affect the chemistry of who is drawn to who, and why. He has chosen you. You are his man. Just accept it and grow with the relationship. On the compliments score, just accept it will happen. Just enjoy that others admire your man. He is with you, not them. Some of them are probably insanely jealous of you. Enjoy what you have, dont you get eaten up by the green eyed monster called jealousy.
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A
male
reader, lalala +, writes (14 November 2010):
Hey! aww.. I have been there. I am glad that you are honest in realizing your feelings rather than dismissing or denying them. You have realized that he is good looking (in a way that you think you cannot match up) but he is with YOU. Hello...maybe you are a HOTTIE and you dont see it. Have confidence in yourself. Also, from experience, looks go but so far. As cliche as it sounds, personality is what counts. You could be dating the hottest guy alive but if his personality sucks, you will be repulsed. The depth of someone's personality, whether they are caring, loving, carismatic, etc is the ultimate deal breaker. That is what helps me when I have times of insecurity. I know that have a genuine and unique personality that comes from within that no one else can copy. Work on your soul because if you love who you are, you will know that you are a beautiful person both inside and out and that your boyfriend or anyone else will find another like you! Hope I helped some!
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