A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all...Briefly, i am in a new relationship.We have been together a month, met on the internet.Yes we had sex soon!too soon, i;m 24, hes 25. He lives in london. He is lovely! we went to wales last weekend and man treated me like a queen, i treated him like a prince. He booked and planned everything but i paid half for the cottage (he didn;t ask).Usually we talk three times a day on the phone, text in between . His phone broke in wales infront of me and he has a old replacement which is pants. Can hardly hear him, this week he has hardly spoke but we got back on track today after having a word. Thing is, he wants to meet every two-three weeks and over night i.e saturday-sunday. That is my whole weekend though. I work 9-7pm/8pm nearly every day. I hardly see my family. whereas his family is abroad.I want to make a go of it with him, same time i miss him loads and i think 2 weeks is pushing it so three weeks is hard. But also i have a 12 year old brother, who doesn't talk much to me as its uncool etc but still if i am never home what good is that.I want him, i want to make a go of it. Same time i have responsibility at home. What would you do?he lives in london, i'm miles away so a distance!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 I don't think his request is unreasonable at all. In fact, tbh, I think that if you have this kind of limitations ( objective, or self imposed ) you should not even arrempt to be in an LDR.
It's not as if he is in London and you in New Zealand, so ,even with your best intentions, you'll have to settle for meeting that very little that's possible.
If the distance is manageable, and the finances allow it, then you SHOULD spend a weekend together every 3 weeks at least , and you should WANT to spend time with him every 3 weeks. Without face - to- face interaction, the relationship never really takes off from the stage of romantic , fun interlude ( or fantasy ) to that of really getting to know the other person and really getting to build something together for your futures, so every occasion of spending time together is / should be welcome.
Of course you have a family which you care about. AND you have a relationship to nurture . You have to nurture both, and if the first one gets a little less of your time and attention than before- so be it. That's life. When you'll be married , even if you marry not this guy but someone who lives in your town, much probably you won't have your whole weekends to devote to your birth family.
It's commendable that you worry about keeping the connection with your kid brother, but, every third weekend ? that's hardly " never being at home " ! You'd be at home, in the same house or at least in the same town/ city 19 days over 21, - you can compensate , if needs be,by cutting a bit on your personal, leisure activities
( outings with friends etc. )
A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 Personally I don't see anything wrong with wanting to spend a weekend together once a month. I'd even look forward to it, since it's a Long Distance Relationship and you don't see each other on a daily basis as normal couples do.
You'd still have week nights and 3 whole weekends with your family.
However, if meeting so frequently is nof what you wish for, then suggest a time frame that works for you. One weekend every 2-3 months? Being in a relationship means being honest to each other your likes and dislikes. Keep communication and expectations open and honest and there shouldn't be a problem here.
Good luck!
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