A
male
age
36-40,
*ackofcades
writes:Alright folks, this dabbles in a very touchy subject - religion. Steer clear if you take offense easily!Lets play some catch-up for a second. Here's the VHS fast-forward version. GF and I break up. GF gets new boytoy. GF realizes new boytoy is abusive and controlling, dumps him. GF gets lonely and crawls back to boytoy. Boytoy finds Jesus, dubs relationship with GF as SINFUL and WRONG and dumps GF (your loss buddy!).And we find ourselves here, present day. GF's alone again, disconnected from her old friends (me included) and shunned by the new boytoy. But GUESS WHAT! I still freakin' care for her. I've invested a lot of time and money into keeping this girl happy even from a distance. Soooo here's the kicker you've all been waiting for. How does she respond to the latest break up? She goes Christian. Now, my only problem here is - it's for the wrong reasons! Girl burns every bridge she has, and where does she go for friendship and support in the aftermath? Church group. Now, I wanna be clear. It's important for a person to have friends to go to. It's important to have faith in, well, something. BUT! I know this girl. Doesn't have a religious bone in her body. I remember a time when she'd laugh out loud at the thought of applying religious dogma to her life. And believe you me, there's no way you could argue her current trend in life synergizes with christian values. Oh-ho, just trust me on that one.I'd respect her just fine if she legitimately found God. But puh-leeze. She's STILL trying to get on her boytoy's good side. So, the actual QUESTION here is - is there any way for me to get her to come around? I seriously do NOT wanna wait another half-year for her to call me up and ask me to dig her out of a hole. I just KNOW if I say anything, I'll look like an intolerant bigot.How to proceed . . .
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male
reader, jackofcades +, writes (22 August 2012):
jackofcades is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses so far, lords and ladies. I see the general thread of advice here and it's sound. I just get so distraught seeing such a confidant break away like this. Not like this hasn't happened before. I guess distance really is the best policy, here. If anything's coming out of this, she's going to be the one trying, not me.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 August 2012):
 You feel very invested in her but she’s your EX… and she’s your ex for a reason. Therefore it’s not your place to fix her or even take care of her any more. She is an EX for a reason.
I do not subscribe to the “be friends” with an ex theory. It’s just to make folks feel better. Friendly yes. Civil yes… kind YES.. but SHE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM….
Personally for your peace of mind I’d go NO CONTACT and when she contacts you again (and she will) you can say “honey we are in the past and it’s best to leave it there”…
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 August 2012):
 She is your ex for a reason, right?
So it seems to me that you need to let her go do her thing, even if it is religion. If that is what SHE thinks she needs to do, then THAT is exactly what she needs to do.
WHAT you need to do is accept that she is willing to try just about EVERYTHING to be with a guy who isn't you.
So let her go, forget about all the time you spend on her and all the money, because deep down that is not what makes a relationship.
Why waste time waiting on a girl who isn't interested in you any more?
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (21 August 2012):
This quote says it all. "I've invested a lot of time and money into keeping this girl happy even from a distance"
Take what is left of your pride, your money, and your extra time and do something with it other than putting all your focus on this girl. You don't really care about her. You want to win her back like she is some kind of trophy.
I'm willing to bet that once you stop throwing money and time her way she'll crawl back your way. She only seems to pursue guys when they aren't interested in her. Apparently she wants a challenge (pursuing a religion to get a guy back...pretty tricky if you can't see yourself applying dogma to your way of life, don't you think?)...if you want her back, move on.
She'll come your way. Hopefully, by then, you'll have moved on.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 August 2012):
Then don't say anything or just say your last thoughts and move on. For one, you can not save someone who does not wants to be saved. Also that guy is the one she wants. Obviously she doesn't sound like someone who knows what she wants so I doubt she would even make it that far into the religion. Even if she does, then good for her, at least she is pursuing something. As her friend, you should learn when to let people make their own mistakes in life because sometimes that is the only way they will learn. The thing is you don't really understand how she feels so it's easy for you to see the bigger picture. She's very confused, not into you and is chasing a questionable character but I don't really think you can beat any sense into her. In fact I think the more you try to tell her not to do something, she will prolly want to do it.
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A
male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (21 August 2012):
Dont interfiere and dump her. she is just not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Instead of trying to get her to come around, why not just let this phase run it's course? It's obviously something she needs to try at this point.
And there are certainly worse things than being Christian. It's not as if she has to get sterilized or shave her head and tattoo her face, or become the prophet's 5th wife, right? Or are we talking about some radical new quasi 'Christian' group?
Why should she hurry up and come around just so you don't have to wait? And the thing is you don't have to wait. It's your choice, so let her make hers. It may not be the best one, but it certainly isn't the worst and if it's so unlike her she'll come around on her own before long.
Don't interfere. Live your own life and let her live hers. If she's using Jesus to win back some guy then it means she isn't over him, which means she isn't ready for you.
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