A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am very close to a man at work. He is married. He has made comments in the past indicating that his wife gives him flak for him not telling her he loves her. They have been married for twenty years and have four kids. I know he thinks he should not have to tell her he loves her when he works very hard everyday to bring home a good income for the wife and kids to live very well. He takes very good care of them and clearly loves them very much.We are good work friends. He told me a couple of months ago that he loves me too. (not in a romantic way). I know he does by how he treats me. He puts up with a lot of crap from me. Today I asked him if he loved me. I honestly did not know what hisvresponse would be. His response was that he did, very much so. He is a very nice sweet caring man. But he clearly did not like me asking him. He jokingly said that he had to take points away from me because of this. So he loves his wife, he loves me and he has no problem showing it. He just resents having to say it. Why? I just don't understand it. I never asked him if he loved me. I was surprised when he did tell me. I really believe that he takes it as a personal insult because he thinks his actions clearly speak for him. They do but what's the big deal about an occasional I love you?For what it's worth my husband used to say it all the time to me but rarely anymore. I know he lives me too but his response is that it"goes without saying" . So what's up with these men? Do they really no longer love us?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 When people fall out of love, it becomes much harder to say those words.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response. Definitely some good insight. However this man is not romantically interested in me. I just find it interesting that he seems to resent having to tell his wife he loves her. And my own husband, who I think still loves me also won't say anymore that he loves me unless I say it first and then sometimes he still won't say it. He used to say it all the time. I just think its not easy for them but why not? I kind of resent that I have to be the one who says it first. Is it a fear of rejection? Or just that because they are good to us that should be enough for us?
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (22 August 2012):
Women never tire of hearing a man tell them that he loves her. I don't care if you've just met, or you've been together for 30 years. And if a man truly loves a woman he never tires of telling her at least once in awhile without being prompted, asked or begged. If this man has been married for 20 years and does not see the need to tell her he loves her anymore, clearly he doesn't know what love really is. He is confusing "obligation" and "duty" with love. Dutyis going to work and providing for your family. Obligation is staying married to someone even though you have stopped loving her. If he says he loves his wife, I would call hiim a liar because he has been sending flirty signals to you and no happily married man does that. He's a liar and a cheat. You may like the attention but his actions would send me running the other way. Maybe he's been a playboy during most of his 20 year marriage and he thinks he's entitled to a little "fun" at work since he's meeting all his marital "obligations" short of being in love or telling his wife he loves her.
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