A
female
age
36-40,
*owi
writes:So,I am not the prettiest girl on earth but 5 years ago, I met my handsome boyfriend in university. We started talking for 3 months and one day I kissed him and since then, we started going out. We were 19 at the time. Since the beginning he wasn’t really respectful. He would stop and looking other girls ass while I was with him, he would ignore me when we are in public or with his entourage. But I let him know and he kinda stopped doing that and apologized. We really had great times together, we were always together, doing almost everything together, he presented me to his family, his parents loved me ( they even did a birthday cake for me ) but his sister were acting weird with me ( his sisters were at the time 26 years old virgin that never date any guy, really weird girls). Our relationship was sometimes heaven and sometimes hell. He would do stuff to me for any reason, like trying to make me jalous by not telling me who is calling him even if it is his mom, if I don’t want to do what he wants, he will break up, if we fight, him or me would break up, he could call me 5 times a day when he has nothing to do but when he is in his boys night out, he won’t even give me any news, when there is another beautiful girl around, it would be like I never existed. By the way, at the beginning I was paying all our dates out because he said he did not have money but he had a saving account but he wasn’t working. I was working part time to pay school but I would pay the dates. I presented him briefly to my parents ( I am African and our traditions are a bit tuff so I did not go further than that). He would never want to discuss our problems, he would always prefer to break up and I would most of the time be the one running after him. The other problem was that I felt like a sex object to him. It never happened that I saw him without having sex with him. He would always start me or ask me to have sex. And when he breaks up and I run after him he would ask me like a ‘’non commitment relationship’’ and I would refuse but he would come back anyways. But I know that he loved me because he told me and showed me. He tried to change his habits, he would do stuff for me, he was always there for me when I needed him, he was like my best friend. When everything was cool, it was the perfect relationship! So because we were breaking up and making up all the time, I noticed that his parents did not like me anymore (I wasn’t really going at their place anymore because I was ashamed of breaking and making up all the time, like the relation was not serious). And his mom said he was sad when we would break up. Also, his friends were starting acting weird, at that time I didn’t know why but now I know it is because he was saying bad stuff about me…I did everything for this guy, I even left my parents to go live alone for him to come at my place when he wanted. I got aborted 3 times not to destroy his life(I could have keep my babies and could have taken care of them myself). I was always the one looking for stuff to do for us, dates ideas. So after four years together, he started saying that he had the feeling that our relationship wasn’t serious, that he wasn’t ready, that he wasn’t sure it was me. That he was feeling like he has to give me something more, starting doing projects with me but he couldn’t so he had to leave me because of that. I would tell him that I don’t need anything from him that I just wanted to be with him but he would just break up and I would go after him again ( I really loved him). He would say to me that he won’t do any compromise for me. By the way, sometimes, he hurt me so bad that I would insult him and tell him that he was stupid, an asshole, a immature, not a real man. Because he seemed like he didn’t care to hurt me and he wouldn’t even apologize for what he would do or say sometimes. And he starting using that excuse ‘’that I insulted him or lowered him’’ to get away. Last year summer, he went to a trip with his friend and two girls that were supposed to be his friend’s friends. I asked him to go on a trip with him, he said he was not interested because at first I asked my friends to go with me ( I asked my friends because I was planning another trip with him but it did not work out so I asked him) and in general he was not interested but he accepted to go with his friends. So of course one of the two girls was interested in him. They started texting and communicating (I did not know about anything). In October for no good reason, he broke up again, I was so upset of those continuous brake ups that I went to see his mom to talk to her but she would always give me reason to excuse her son’s behavior, saying that he’s a man, it is normal… so I just let it go, I was tired.2 weeks after, I discover that he is going out with a girl, that he even presented that girl to his parents and I found out later that it was the girl from the trip that he was texting and talking to behind my back. I cried, went to his house cause he lied to me, he told me that he wanted to be alone to take care of his life and projects. I tried everything to keep him but he would ignore my calls, when he would take my calls, he would talk to me with anger. He told me he liked the girl and wanted to be with her but when I will tell him to come see me so we can talk, he would have sex with me and the next day would start to ignore me again. He told me that he would stop with the girl while we were trying to work things out but I never had a proof he stopped, and he would just have sex with me and after that tell me that he can’t continue… So in December, I felt like he was just playing me and I stopped. I told him to continue ignore me and forget about me.In January he started texting me. At first I ignored him and told him to get out of my life but after ignoring him for 1 week, he said it was hurting him that I was ignoring him ( but he ignored me like 100 times in the past) so I accepted to see him and he said that he needed to see me, to talk to me, that he was missing me and that he was going to end the relationship with the other girl. I trusted him but still doubted. Every day, I was asking him questions about the girl, what happened with her?, why he came back? and he would say that I took over his mind. One day, a friend of mine calls me to tell me that she knows the girl that my man was going out with and that the girl presented him to his mother and that it seemed to be serious between the two so something is not right! So I called the guy, I was really angry, how could he go into another serious relationship just few days after our break up and all these lies… I told him to prove me that it was over with the other girl, to go tell his parents about that since he presented the other girl to them.He went to talk to his mother and called me two hours after to tell me that finally he wanted to be alone, that the decision doesn’t depend on him anymore but on his family, that we can’t talk anymore. So, the same guy that were telling me he missed me the night before, now wanted to be ‘’alone’’ again. He hang up, I called back a million times to try to get explanations but he would ignore me again just like he did before even know it hurt me. I called at his house, I get his mom on the phone, she says that I can’t let a man manipulate me like that and that she told her son that we were breaking up all the time, that he was sad all the time and that this should stop. She wouldn’t even listen that it was her son that came back running after me and making me promises.2 hours later, he calls me, talks to me with anger, does not want to meet me and yells at me. So I was so hurt that I hang up and send an e-mail to the other girl (cause I am sure he was going back to her, and probably she did not know anything that was going on) I told her that the guy was a player, an immature, that he came back running after me to manipulate me and that she should be careful. I also wrote that she shouldn’t feel sorry because the guy is just another broke ass nigger without a job that got a car from his parents and a bus pass from them too.The girl sent the letter to the guy and apparently it hurt him to read what I wrote so the guy told his mother. So his hunt calls me, yelling that I shouldn’t insult her nephew like that, that the letter hurt them.To make a long story short, his family and him hates me because of this letter. They did not understand that he hurt me, they only care about what he has to say. He never called, or text or anything to apologies. For some reason I still want him and I don’t know why… I still don’t understand what happened to me… He came back just to hurt me again and they made me feel bad for it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wowi +, writes (16 March 2011):
wowi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much Geegee for your answer. You are right, this relationship was not good. But you know, I think if I did not write this letter to the girl I would have probably done something really worse than that to him. He really played with my feelings without caring.
After his aunt called me I decided to go in his e-mail so I could find answers about what was going on. I discovered many letters this guy wrote about me in the past to his friends, saying so many bad stuff about me while we were togheter and when we were fighting. He would tell them I insulted him, that I was not good while he was the one always distroying my feelings. On top of that, he came back running after me even after writting this kind of stuff to me!!! who does things like that? who comes insisting to come back in somebody's life just to mess that person's life even more after they already betried that person? After making promises that everything will be fine, having a new relatioship with me for a week and just change his mind because I discover that he lied to me, because I discovered all his secrets, because his mom said so? A 25 years old man! :-( who does stuff like that?
I just can't get over the fact that the person I loved the most, the person I gave all the trust to, the person I thought was my partner would do things like that to me.... the person I always welcomed in my place and took care of him.
I wish everybody knew what this guy did to me but I guess he will go and tell everybody that I am the bad person, that he did not do nothing to me. When I read stuff he wrote about me, I just could not believe he was the one saying those things while I had 1 million more reason to say bad stuff about him to my friends and family but I never did. I had more reason to betray him but I never did, I had so many reason to leave him but I never did :-( I am so stupid...
And his family attacked me because of one letter while he wrote so many about me to his friends... And I can't even imagine what he was saying about me to his family...
I guess that is life.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 In the beginning, I think his parents liked you ok they just thought that maybe you two were not good together, as you guys were always fighting and breaking up and they could see how badly you were hurting each other. He was hurting you, you were hurting him... but nothing ever got resolved or worked out for very long before it started again.
Every parent wants their child to be happy, but even though they didn't like what they were seeing they tried to keep out of it for the most part for as long as they could.
But now on top of everything, all the fighting and crying you send this girl that letter, out of hurt and anger I understand, but you said a lot of nasty things about their son, which makes them angry and probably makes you look like a crazy woman to them.
So now they tell their son no more. You need to stay away from this woman. We are done with this.
I am retelling you this story for a reason, so that you can see what I see. That you and this man are done, finished, for good. He will not come back to you again like he did so many times before. He is not going to disobay his parents for you.
What you had together was never that good in the first place. It is painfully obvious in your words that you have always loved him more than he loved you. He would never have been faithful to you or made you happy. Life with him would have been one rollercoaster ride after another. A few ups here and there, but mostly downs, and long slow climbs.
It is good you are strong enough to put this man behind you and move on. You did it before and you can do it again.
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